Last night on Vanderpump Rules lies flowed as precipitously as questions of truth and all converged together at the mouth of a river named Jax Taylor. Or something like that…
While Scheana Marie is on a blissful honeymoon in Hawaii, back home at SUR (SUR is a city now) things are erupting into a civil war – a civil war that is the opposite of civil, of course.
Kristen Doute has been “blowing up” Jax’s phone with texts and phone calls insisting he tell “the truth” about Tom Sandoval and “Miami Girl.” Once, a very long time ago, when Jax was trying to look like boyfriend of the year to future pizza parlor dumpee Carmen Dickman, he disclosed to Kristen and Carmen that the tabloid stories were true: Tom 1 did play three minutes in heaven? hell? with Miami Girl. Jax has been trying to retract it ever since; putting Kristen off, telling her to leave him out of it and deal with it on her own.
But Kristen has been using this statement to zealously fuel her fervor. It has stoked her loins with future retribution, the little talisman she has carried deep in her heart, that there is a way to weasel in between the home wrecking hussy Ariana Madix and Tom’s future and re-seize him for her demented little self. You think I am exaggerating, but Kristen is like Golum with the ring in Lord Of The Rings.
Kristen teams up with Stassi Schroeder and resorts to using Jax Taylor as a source of the “truth” regarding what happened in Miami – Jax has changed his story several times. As a result Kristen ends up on the outs with all of her friends from SUR!
In anticipation for the onslaught of negativity she is surely to receive, Kristen announced she’s taking a wee break from twitter to focus on her healthy relationship with James Kennedy, her friends, and bowling. She also celebrated her birthday!
Real Housewives of Atlanta logged an increase this week, with 2.853 million viewers, but its numbers are down overall. Last season, 10 of the 25 episodes garnered over four million viewers. The season six average was 3.87 million. As of right now the season seven average is 3.16 million. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which draws a much smaller but steady audience, attracted 1.78 million viewers this week. Take a look below to see how your shows are doing.
Scheana Marie had a meltdown or two at her wedding and luckily for us it was all captured by cameras. The Vanderpump Rules star admits she may have overacted a bit, but is thrilled with her wedding because of all the love – besides Kristen Doute ruining everything and treating her reception like a boxing ring!
“I realized that there were several parts of the day and night that I looked like a super bridezilla bitch. I don’t like that I looked so completely rude and ungrateful, but it was my wedding, and every bride wants their wedding to go perfect,” Scheana describes. “At the end of the day, it didn’t matter, it was beautiful. I was there with my family, my amazing husband, all of my friends, and it ended up being a beautiful night.”
Last night was part 2 of Scheana Marie‘s wedding on Vanderpump Rules. And outside of Bridezilla meltdowns and parking lot brawls it was a beautiful event. It appears that it’s not a Scheana Marie party without somebody gettin’ punched…
Kristen Doute wipes away tears as she congratulates Scheana. The faraway look in her eye is focused on Tom Sandoval, nuzzling Ariana Madix‘s neck as they giggle at an inside joke. Kristen remembers those days, etched deeply into her fabricated memories. Kristen so wanted to rip Scheana’s wedding gown off of her, tackle Tom 1 with it – muzzling him with the 15 pound pearl-beaded crop-top, wrap him up in the table cloth skirt, and drag him to the altar!
Keep your friends close and your former friends turned enemies closer? Guess so! Stassi Schroeder apparently had a terrible time at the Vanderpump Rules reunion where her friends and co-stars turned on her and demanded answers for her rudeness and arrogance. As a result, Kristen Doute who also faced the wrath, teamed up with Stassi to form an unlikely alliance!
Andy Cohen revealed that it wasn’t just Stassi who took a beating, but Jax Taylor as well.
“Well Stassi and Jaxalmost didn’t survive, SURvive, because they were both kind of pummeled by everybody… ” Andy shared in an Ask Andy segment. “Maybe I ganged up on Jax the most… but they all ganged up on Stassi. I almost felt bad for her.”
Scheana Marie married Mike Shay and it had all the drama a reality TV wedding should have – plus a crop-top wedding gown. Man – she could market that to beach brides, by making the top turn into a bikini top and having the bride wear a bikini bottom (that doubles as Spanx!) underneath the skirt. I am a genius.
Despite scheduling problems and Kristen Doute, the Vanderpump Rules star says her wedding day was the “best day” of her life – and she also regrets over-reacting, but hey don’t all brides?
“I have to say this was the absolute BEST day of my life–with a few hiccups! It wasn’t perfect. It was unrealistic to think everything would go exactly as planned. All of those minute details don’t even matter anymore, although at the time, they did! All that matters is that I married my best friend and the love of my life,” Scheana gushes. <Collective AWWWWWW>