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WOO HOO! A new season of Real Housewives of Orange County and these biatches better bring it to redeem the great dramaful state of California following the Beverly Buzz Kills debacle. Tamra you do call the shots – to the bartender! Line ‘em up!

Things begin with Gretchen in her totes normal house with a totes normal bathroom, despite the rose petals on the floor. And that’s one thing I’ve always loved about Gretch. Her cutie little beach house that never turns into a McMansion she can’t afford. Gretch is curling her Kim Zolciak Weave Collection wig while wearing over-the-knee boots with a white denim jacket when Slave walks in. He wants to know what she’s late for? Just lunch. Gretchen is elusive and Slave isn’t allowed to come with. He must stay home and pick up dog poop or something.

After using the word “Babe” about 300 times in five minutes, Gretchen confesses she is actually having lunch with her arch nemesis, Tamra! Cue the suspenseful music! The two evil queens of Orange County will meet with each other in a blonde vs. blonde face-off, to once and for all, bury the hatchet!

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I. Love. Brandi Glanville. If Brandi doesn’t return next season, can Bravo please hire her to conduct these reunions, because girl is not afraid to bring it. Last night’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion was explosive, dishy, and far superior to any reunion I’ve ever seen. I’m giving credit where credit is due, so thank you, Brandi, and thank you also, Camille!

Things start out with Andy recapping Brandi‘s intro into the exclusive social club known as high school students masquerading as adult women. Forty going on fourteen! Brandi dispels rumors that she’s a slut, but wishes she was because sex is fun. Camille confirms Brandi is just joking about her sexual proclivities. The KyTayAdrienne sofa is practically hyperventilating over talk of Brandi’s swimsuits and outlandish jokes. They are, like, the most square sofa in reunion history!

Kyle admits that her behavior towards Brandi was ridiculous and insecure, stating she was afraid of Brandi’s entry into the group because Brandi is hot. Andy demonstrates just how ridiculous and immature Kyle was by bringing up the infamous Game Night. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never looked at Taboo! the same way since!

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I have to admit, I both love and hate reunions. I love them because of the unexpectedness and I hate them because Andy overly screens the questions and nothing much gets resolved or answered.

Last night’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion begins with Andy questioning Kyle about Kim entering rehab, Kyle demurs (for once) that Andy should talk to Kim about it. Which I think was a tactful and appropriate answer. Lisa and Adrienne speak for the group, describing that they all knew something was amiss and Adrienne thinks it took a lot of courage for Kim to seek help.

Adrienne’s parachute or whatever the hell she has on her arm is distracting – more distracting than her totally Tiffany hair. Adrienne always looks like my Barbie collection circa 1991.

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Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta left NeNe Leakes and myself completely speechless. I dare say that was the oddest, craziest and most bizarre fight in Housewives history! Poor South Africa didn’t deserve this. Also, for self-proclaimed etiquette expert Marlo it’s a long way to the top if you want to be a socialite!

Arriving in South Africa the ladies brought the wild to the safari. Chalk it up to jet lag if you will. Lord the one liners in this episode are PRICELESS! After some super annoying Blair Witch Project footage of the women flying coach with no make up, they land in the airport, where much drama with the luggage ensues.

Apparently no one with the title “Housewives of Atlanta” can go on a ten-day trip with less than ten bags, so everyone is pushing these ENORMOUS luggage carts around the airport. Louis Vuitton is probably issuing a cease and desist letter right about now – either that or filing a defamation of character suit after this episode.

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Last night’s season finale episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills brought us back to the show we know and love with an over-the-top wedding featuring all the trimmings those of us in the real world could never afford. It was beautiful, it was captivating, it was pink, and most importantly, it was drama free! I think it was a perfect season finale — until the last fifteen minutes, which I’ll pretend never happened.

It’s the day before Pandora’s pinksplosion fantasy wedding. As planned, the Vanderfabulous-Todds have converted part of their tennis court into the wedding site complete with a massive white tent that ensconces every surface in dangling crystals. While everything is carrying on as scheduled, Kevin Lee is apparently out of town! Kevin’s assistant is there in his absence and while she lacks Kevin’s bling, bling, she seems far more efficient.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kim got ready for Kroy to leave for training camp and the rest of the ladies planned their trip to South Africa! NeNe decided to really stir up the drama by sneak inviting Marlo, and telling nary a soul, but Cynthia. And, oh my, were the ladies surprised, but not thrilled when Marlo joined them at the departure gate!

Things begin at Marlo‘s house, and ok, call me crazy, but I love the decor and the color scheme. NeNe is impressed that Marlo read Kim and Kandi the riot act at Cynthia‘s agency opening and definitely didn’t back down. On the tour, NeNe discovers Marlo has a full security system installed in her house, which she can monitor from her bedroom! Who is she, Drita D’avanzio? Is she mistressed to the mob in secret?

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Last night’s episode of the Real Trainwrecks of Beverly Hills contained a whole lotta drama that belongs on a different show. Lisa opened SUR, Kim had some sort of ongoing cray-cray with Ken, whom she is now leaving, and Taylor begged the ladies to love her in what I’m sure she believes is a good rendition of Sally Fields’ ‘You really like me…’ Oscar speech.

Things start off with Kyle getting ready for the SUR launch party with her eldest daughter Farrah. After chasing Portia around, Kyle lets a bored seeming Farrah know that Taylor has left Russell and that she and Kim are still fighting. Farrah wonders why Kyle hasn’t figured out how to manage her relationship with Kim already. Why is Farrah more mature than Kyle?

Meanwhile Lisa is putting the finishing touches on SUR and running around in a panic micromanaging every detail before ditching Ken to finish the job and blowing out the door without so much as a kiss. Poor Ken will have to wait until next year for a cuddle. Lisa needs to accept her life is on camera and not be embarrassed to show affection to her husband.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta it was all about roots. Phaedra decided to plan a cast trip to Africa so the ladies could learn about their ancestry and Kim and NeNe met face to face for the first time in months and decided it should probably be the last.

Things start out with Kim hauling her infant to the gun range. Safety first! Kroy has decided Kim should learn how to shoot and get a gun. I guess she sometimes has to deal with a rampant moose. At first Kim is nervous, but then she gets into being a pistol packin’ mama! Kim gets a pink 9mm and while she doesn’t love having a gun, she’s into getting something pink. Next I am sure she will wrangle a LV gun case.

Cynthia and Peter are meeting Apollo and Phaedra for a double date to work things out following the husband’s altercation at Kim’s babyshower. Phaedra declares it is a “powder in your panties” kinda day, basically a typical hot summer day in the south. God I love southern summers. And friction, what friction? Because everyone is getting along great.

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