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Have you ever watched a TV show and had absolutely NO idea what happened? Yeah, that was pretty much my experience watching last night’s boring episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta. So, Phaedra hosted a dedication for Ayden and I don’t know what all that pomp and circumstance was about, but it was very cute. Sheree, at the behest of Bravo, tried to force Damon to propose to her daughter, and Kim and Cynthia had the meekest, tamest showdown in RHOA history. Where’s NeNe when you need her! So, let’s get this recap started!

Things begin with Phaedra running around the church, planning Ayden‘s dedication. Phaedra’s white jeans are distracting me, I hate white jeans. I initially thought it was a baptism and became alarmed, because Bravo’s track record with christenings is not so hot. Bravo certainly likes to use children’s religious ceremonies to create drama, doesn’t it? Anyway, this was a dedication. And it involves the baby being carried on a floating sled thing called a palanquin, surrounded by other children in white, who are ringing bells. Or, maybe that’s just Phaedra’s take on the situation. By the way, did anyone think Phaedra’s pastor was Bobby Brown for a second?!

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Well, the eighties happened and then they came back to haunt us. Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County might as well have been titled ‘What The Eff?’ I have no idea what was going on, either in the show or in Vicki’s head. There were so many meltdowns I couldn’t keep track! There was whining, crying, and screaming everywhere I turned. The only person not acting insane was the person about to undergo surgery to remove potentially cancerous tumors! Why is Briana a zillion times more mature than a pack of women twice her age?

Things begin at Tamra‘s ’80s themed Bunco party. The guys arrive all in period themed costumes; Slave stole Billy Ray Cyrus’ mullet, Eddie looks silly, and Terry bought his wig at Dollar General. It was fun. Vicki immediately freaked out upon seeing Slade and went off the deep-end. Tamra tried to include Brooks, but he couldn’t come. Alexis was pissed because Jim wasn’t invited–because no one likes him–although, Tamra claims he didn’t want to participate.

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Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta featured a lot of bad evening attire. Whew. That mess of bad fashion at the anniversary party was so distracting, was it not? We also got some family drama, and Kim playing her new role of lady of the rented mcmansion. Oh, and Phaedra embalmed a dummy!

Things begin with Kim storming around her garage, ordering Sweetie and her father around under the guise of organizing before Kroy comes home. Kim is quite the hoarder collector! Kim claims she’s helping with the shuffling of boxes across the garage, but she’s really just barking orders. Sweetie threatens to call Clark Howard, who is some guy on the local news that exposes employers who mistreat their employees. Yes, Sweetie needs to get on that call.

Sweetie takes a cigarette break and Kim freaks out, chasing her all over the house bellowing and threatening. #timemanagement. Kim explains that Sweetie has become more of a friend than employee, and doesn’t take her job seriously. Is it because Kim has become more of a joke than ever? Although I agree, Sweetie needs to do her job or quit. Kim’s father tells her she needs yoga, she misses the point and says she’s already lost weight. I think he meant she needs to calm down. BTW – is anyone else not surprised Big Poppa is allegedly broke after seeing all that loot?

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County the ladies went back in time to their golden years. Aaaahhh… the ’80s; before botox, satin cocktail dresses, orange tans, and TV friendships took over their dreary lives. To a time when they were young, free, and filled their heads with hairspray instead of restylane.

Things begin with Gretchen and Slave driving somewhere. Slave has found his calling of the week in comedy. He says, making jokes helps him escape his problems and he now wants to pursue this. Even Gretchen is like, ‘gimme a break!’ Gretchen asks him not to make future acts center around her co-tarts. There goes Slave’s interest in comedy, because what other material can the man come up with?!

Heather and Tamra meet for lunch. I love Heather’s dress. We find out Terry is from Van Nuys and his father lives in the OC, which explains how east coast Heather ended up in a nouveau, riche, trashy, beach-side, suburb of LA, nearby the likes of Gretchen and Alexis. Kidding, I have family in the OC and it’s beautiful there.

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Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta, the ladies returned to the States, to nothing but drama. NeNe learned Bryson got arrested, Peter is spending more money Cynthia can’t afford to waste, and Kim is furious over Kandi‘s alleged “black babies” comment with Sheree stirring the pot all the way to millionaire’s row! Oh, these girls – no moving experience in Africa was going to move them!

The women are getting ready to leave South Africa. Marlo has the housekeeper bring her an icee and pack up all her things, while she lounges on the bed barking instructions. I’m very surprised she and Kim don’t get along better – they have many similarities! Meanwhile, NeNe needs help zipping and hauling all her Louis VOO-Tawn luggage to the car.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County, Slave took the stage, in what he presumed was a hysterical commentary on Housewives in their natural habitat, including the wrath of Miss. Piggy. Who really does not deserve to be unfairly compared with a certain lady of last night’s entertainment. Miss Piggy is actually well dressed as we know!

Things begin with Tamra showing up at Vicki‘s to make breakfast. Tamra looks cute – I love her shirt. Vicki immediately launches into what’s the deal with Gretchen? Are they besties, what happened, when, and why wasn’t she informed? Vicki is disappointed Tamra never confided her new friendship and warns Tamra that’s she going to have a brown nose because it’s so far up Gretchen’s mmmm. That close up of Vicki was a little frightening, no? Thanks editors!

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County, skeletons came out of the closet, or the bedroom if you will, as Tamra and Gretchen told the other ladies about their new friendship and the truth about Brooks’ trouble with the law surfaced.

Things start out at the Effing Catalina Wine Mixer. Which, really is a wine mixer with all the wine these forty-something parents are mixing! No wonder they are acting like such nut balls. They could have their own Will Farrell-esque comedy about people who refuse to grow up.

Tamra is obviously insane – it’s more clear than ever after her meltdown last week – and is very upset that Vicki and Eddie were touching. Tamra is sobbing jealous because she loves them both so much. Eddie reassured her that he is not interested in Vicki, and that he loves her very much. Why he’s interested in Tamra is a whole ‘nother subject.

Back at the table Tamra starts crying again, explaining she doesn’t care about horoscopes, but Vicki and Eddie aren’t allowed to high-five or get within a 50 foot radius of each other. What is she so worried about?????

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It’s been a big week for Bethenny Frankel, but I’ve come to learn that every week is a big week when you’re a Skinnygirl with anything and everything on your plate…and that plate is seen by a gazillion viewers, followers, haters, and fans. Oddly enough (and I didn’t think it was odd at all until my dear friend–a true Fan-kel–pointed it out to me over cocktails), I have no opinion on Bethenny. Whatsoever.

I think she’s savvy and smart. I think she’s equally annoying. I love her clothes. I hate her brashness, but I think I’m secretly jealous of it. She is the one reality star that should push my buttons–good or bad–but doesn’t. That said, I am following her current reports much more closely because I am equal parts saddened by her heartbreaking news, intrigued by her ability to garner such strong reactions, and a ridic lover of bad daytime talk shows. Quite the combo!

After the new season of Bethenny Ever After premiered Monday night, the reality maven was a guest on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live. In between drinking games and pleading the fifth, Bethenny spoke about her, much touted, new foray into the realm of daytime chitchat. Following this announcement on WWHL, The Hollywood Reporter expanded on Bethenny’s growing empire.

The star, known for her sharp tongue and keen business skill, revealed to Andy Cohen that her new talk show, Bethenny, will premiere June 11th on Fox. Citing the premise of her show, she opined, “Instead of watching my marriage, my sex life, my conversations about money, I want to involve you.” Hmmm, I am not sure I want to be involved in ALL that, but I’m curious nonetheless.

Bethenny continued, “It’s a girlfriends show, but it’s really honest…[j]ust what’s really going on, have an honest conversation without it being just me being in the fishbowl. I want to involve everyone in the conversation.” It sounds, well just fabulous! When she stated she planned on having celebrity guests as well, I was sold. Now if only I could quit my day job, so I can sit home to watch it…

The one-hour daily program is being produced by Telepictures Productions, with Bethenny and Ellen DeGeneres serving as executive producers. I do love some Ellen! The Frankel/Hoppy clan will be spending some time in Burbank, as that is where the show will be taped.

Additionally, it will get a special preview in test markets for six weeks. Those of you lucky enough to live in New York and Los Angeles will be among the first viewers. Wendy Williams was successful with a similar strategy. If Bethenny prevails on these selected stations, she will be in good company on the daytime talk circuit. It was reported that Jeff Probst, Katie Couric, and Steve Harvey will also be joining the increasing crowded world of sofa chats, cooking segments, and book clubs.

And speaking of book clubs, Madame Frankel has had three lifestyle and nutrition books to hit the New York Times’ bestseller list. She is now taking the plunge (get it?) into fiction as her first novel, Skinnydipping, will hit the shelves May 1.

While in the clubhouse, Bethenny also opened up about her recent miscarriage and some resulting health issues. Earlier Monday morning, she revealed her tragic ordeal on the TODAY Show when asked if she had plans for more children. A tearful Bethenny responded, “We were pregnant with a second baby, and at eight weeks, I miscarried.”

Understandably, Bethenny, who is the mother to 21-month-old Bryn with husband Jason Hoppy, has been struggling during such a difficult time. She shared, “There are so many…things that come with [miscarrying]. You go through a roller coaster of emotions…[a]bout your age, about being a woman, about, can you have another baby, are you a failure to your partner? You go through a million different things.”

On WWHL, she revealed to Andy, “As a result of [the miscarriage], I was on an antibiotic Doxycycline. I took it at night without any water, went to bed and it burned a hole in my esophagus. I have a hole in my heart and my esophagus.” She retorts, “But it’s okay — I’m feeling good. I wouldn’t be drinking a Skinnygirl Margarita if I weren’t feeling good!”

I’m glad to see she still has her signature cocktail and signature sense of humor. Our thoughts are with Bethenny and her family.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON BETHENNY’S REVELATIONS? WILL YOU BE WATCHING HER NEW TALK SHOW?

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