Last night was part 3 of the Real Housewives Of New Jersey reunion and it was officially the end of an era. Teresa Giudice, headed to prion in a few scant months, told Andy Cohen this was probably it for her – she meant it – she seemed at peace and ready to move on. “I 80% regret doing the show and 20% don’t,” she admitted.
Teresa didn’t go into why she regrets it, but I think we can all surmise that one of those reasons was sitting to her left in a white dress, and the other two were backstage pretending to be pure of motive, while eating cannoli, and the third one was in the green room having his 5th or 6th glass of rotten egg smelling wine; tawking too loud and laughing a bit too convincingly like everything was OK. Now sure, Teresa is mostly sowrry she got caught defrauding banks, but I think she’s mostly mostly sowrry that she’s realized how much she has to lose. Mostly her dawters – she wishes she could take them with her because she’ll miss them so much.
Teresa says her favorite memory on the show was Audriana being born in season 2. And when she gets out of jail she doesn’t think she’ll be back – instead she wants a cooking show. I do not think Teresa will be back. I think she will get a spinoff, of that I am positive. Will she take that spinoff? Who knows. Yes, she’s broke. And I also think this the perfect time for Bravo to wipe the slate clean and completely start afresh with all new women. Sowrry Melis!
Kim Kardashian is the reigning queen of Tacky Tuesday. I almost saved this for Wordless Wednesday, but I just couldn’t wait that long to share it. Kim Instagrammed a racy photo showing off her bare butt for the new winter issue of Paper Magazine. She’s hoping it will break the internet. The unedited snap is below.
Kim also balanced a champagne glass on her ass. She’s classy like that, y’all. She captioned the pics, “Paper Magazine new cover alert! – such a honor to work with the legendary Jean-Paul Goude!!!! Shot this in Paris. Can’t wait for you to see the the whole issue.”
She also shared, “And they say I didn’t have a talent…try balancing a champagne glass on your ass LOL #BreakTheInternet#PaperMagazine.”
WARNING: PARTIAL NUDITY BELOW – CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK
It’s too little, too late, but legendary financial guru Suze Orman is administering some advice to legendary financial frauder Teresa Giudice! Like, remember that penny you found in the bathroom at the Real Housewives Of New Jersey reunion? Save it! Like, duh!
I kid. Most specifically Suze is advising all women – based on what happened to Teresa – not to blindly allow their husbands to control the money. Know what is going on in your family’s finances. As you recall, Teresa and Joe Giudice have both claimed he was the ‘mastermind’ (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) behind their 41 count financial fraud indictment and Teresa was just an innocent player in signing her name to whatever document he put in front of her!
“It’s a prime example for women, that if they don’t think the behaviors of somebody that they are involved with financially-speaking is going to affect them, I’m here to tell them they’d better watch what’s happening,” Suze states, explaining the situation Teresa found herself in, leading to a prison sentence and her businesses to collapse as a result of the negative publicity.
Apollo Nida‘s legal issues were the main focus of the Real Housewives of Atlanta season premiere, but we did get to see little bits of what the other cast members have been up to since the reunion. Cynthia Bailey, who’s on the hunt for a new best friend, followed the scent of loneliness and ended up on Kenya Moore‘s doorstep.
I imagined Cynthia saying to herself, ‘I shall call her Krazy, and she shall be mine, and she shall be my Krazy.’ HaHa. Don’t get me wrong, though, Kenya‘s crazy is the only reason I watch RHOA. Kenya took to her blog to share her thoughts on the season premiere. Including titles: RIP Baby Velvet, Detroit vs. Everybody Else, Ignorance is not a Handicap, Promise to Detroit Children, and Love Me or Hate Me. So dramatic. So Kenya. Here we go.
NeNe Leakes seems to have forgotten where she came from! Since landing a gig in Broadway’s Cinderella sources reveal that her ego is out of control – and she thinks she’s a big-name star! As she prepares to perform in the play NeNe is bragging about a potentially star-studded guest list coming just to see her!
“Kim Kardashian is coming to see me, and she’s bringing North. Teresa [Giudice]’s bringing her daughters,” NeNe boasts. “More celebrities will come. I’m sure.” Umm… celebrities or “celebrities.” But of course, Kim will come, because duh – paparazzi might be there to take photo of her acting like she cares about igNori. But I suppose, a children’s play is better than a fashion show!
I imagine Leah Calvert and Jeremy Calvert‘s decision to work on their marriage went a little like this: they touched hands while both reaching into the Cheeto bag at the same time. There were sparks – and Hot Cheetos were made. Then the Teen Mom 2 star dumped the bag out on the coffee table and instead of reading tea leaves to predict her future, she read Cheeto dust. It said Jerrrrr-meeee and Leah – FOR-EV-ER.
Then Leah realized she could highlight her hair using the neon orange Cheeto crumbles, and do a vow renewal at the Mingo County Community Center (real place y’all) or in Nitro, WV (real place, y’all!) and honeymoon at the Boones Farm Dispensary. Or you know, maybe she and Jeremy just started following each other on twitter again and changed their Facebook statuses from “Divorced” to “It’s Complicated” Both are equally insane ways to deal with a marital problems, amirate?!