Reality Tea

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It's hard being Kim Kardashian, y'all.  Not only is her entire being under new management (thanks, Yeezy!) with a new style and a new PR machine, she's also trying to lose her North West baby weight and figure out who will be the godparents for her daughter with Kanye.  It's a lot of pressure for Kim, especially given that she's still in the throws of making a monumental life decision…should she get bangs again?

The IB Times dishes on what Kim's trainer has to say.  Speaking on Kim's much anticipated weight loss (and by anticipated, I mean, who cares?), Tracy Anderson shares, "Kim is taking as much time as she wants to just be with the baby. She's not even concerned with working out. Kim is amazing as a mom, she's so connected. I knew when I was training her she would be a great mom. She was concerned with all the right things," adding, "Little North is beautiful, she's got the most beautiful skin."

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Yea!  It's OVER! How I've missed you, Jeff Collins.  Lookatcha!  He's got a fresh new hairstyle (not to mention new color) and a sleeker, hipper suit than in Dance Moms reunions past. He's also cracking jokes as he introduces Hurricane Abby Lee Miller.  He begins the evening by showing the Christi/Leslie smack down on Burboun Street, and Abby admonishes them for the trash they are.  It is no way to represent the Abby Lee Dance Company.

Original Extra Crispy Christi and Leslie come out to share their side of the brawl.  Christi has a prepared speech where she takes responsibility for her actions while reminding everyone that Leslie has a history of violence.  Leslie talks only about her loyalty to her daughters and Abby and how she wants to make a name for her girls in the entertainment industry.  She doesn't understand why Christi is so threatened by her.  Oh, she's making a name for her poor girls alright (and so is Christi!).

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The wedding of Lady Laura Marsham and James Meade at St Nicholas Parish Church Gayton

Photo Credit: Wenn.com

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Newlyweds Tamra Barney and Eddie Judge were Andy Cohen's guests on Watch What Happens Live following the finale of Tamra's OC Wedding

Wedding planner Diann Valentine served the drinks.

Let's jump right in and get the absolute worst of it out of the way. Andy insisted on rehashing the stripper drama. Of course. We saw it all play out on TV – a penis (not Eddie's) in Tamra's ear and a boob (not Tamra's) in Eddie's mouth – and my eyeballs will never be the same.

Andy begged for all the tacky (Tamra's specialty) details.

Eddie said he was "blown away" over the penis to his wife-to-be's ear. Tamra shrugged it off, saying she certainly didn't enjoy it, unlike Eddie in Vegas. I refuse to talk about Eddie's boner again. Let's just say that Tamra's opinion of the incident definitely has not changed. 

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Melissa Gorga Penny

Melissa Gorga took to her Bravo blog this week to share her thoughts on the cheating rumors, or at least to talk about who was spreading them around more.  Melissa says that she doesn't trust everything Penny had to say this week on Real Housewives of New Jersey

Melissa tries to convince us that bumping into Penny at dinner was a total shock, "The talk with Penny. Joe and I thought we were going out to a nice dinner. I had no idea she’d be there. We were just as surprised as you were to see her sitting at the bar."  Biting.My.Tongue.

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Last week's explosive episode of Teen Mom 3 was exhausting to watch. Alex Sekella and Matt McCann do not belong together – not in a relationship, not in the same house, not on the same street. Nothing. No amount of therapy will fix this toxic relationship. 

This week on Teen Mom 3, Alex and Matt come face to face for the first time since their fight.  Also, Briana DeJesus loses her live-in nanny for a week, Mackenzie Douthit and Josh McKee return to the rodeo, and Katie Yeager models in a fashion show.

Katie's nervous about walking the runway in a wedding dress  and – gasp! – lingerie. She feels self-conscious about her post-baby body and wonders if Joey Maes still finds her attractive. A friend tries to boost Katie's self-esteem, adding, "You're the mother of his child, I'm sure that's a thousand times sexier than just being his girlfriend." 

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It's on the horizon… it's a'comin… the formal return of KYLE RICHARDS. Oh heaven – start building your wine supply now. 

Last night Bravo announced that Real Housewives of Beverly Hills will premiere November 4th right on the heels of the never-ending Real Housewives of New Jersey. We have two more months of that show?! 

The rumored RHOBH cast is Kyle, Kim Richards, Brandi Glanville, Lisa, Yolanda Foster, and newbie Joyce Giraud. It's uncertain if Taylor Armstrong will return as a full-time HW, rumors state she'll be downgraded to a 'Friend of the Housewife'. There's also a possibility that Carlton Gebbia will be joining as a 'Friend'.  

Sticking to the same formula as last season, Vanderpump Rules will premiere on the same night immediately following RHOBH. "Yes pump rules is back….run for cover," Lisa tweeted. It appears from the brief VPR preview that the same cast of characters are returning. All hail yummy Peter.

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Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Miami was all about mama drama. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team and go to an evil haunted mansion filled with the ghosts of friendship's (kitchen's) past. Or a Russian grocery store with the living embodiment of Julia Child's voice. 

Things began last night with Lisa Hochstein's everlasting nightmare; an unpleasant reminder of the things we do for money… errrrr… I mean love. And boobs! Lisa's inlaws are in town and her mother-in-law, Marina, lives to torture her.

Marina doesn't appreciate Fembot's fully constructed fabulosity. If only she had read that instruction manual Lenny faxed over, but Marina doesn't do new-fangled. She also doesn't understand what exactly Fembot does. I mean she doesn't work and she just swans around advertising her son's reconstruction prowess. Was anyone else aware that Lenny was the best plastic surgeon in the world?!

Anyway, Lisa's other major drawback is that she doesn't cook and she's not Russian. Score 0 for the daughter-in-law from Canada! Among the many ways Marina tries to destroy Fembot is by force feeding her fried fish. The horror had Lisa needing Xanax and colonics for weeks. Fembot wonders if Marina will ever like her, but you can tell she really doesn't care! Nor does Marina for that matter, who still believes she runs the show. All shows. Maybe she should take over Bravo. 

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