Stop the presses! I mean, STOP THEM! There is some majorly breaking news, and you may want to sit down. Seated? Okay. PlasticCourtney Stodden and creepyDoug Hutchison are separating. Deep breaths. It's no longer just a rumor. It's for serious, y'all, as the couple has already issued a statement and everything. What's next? Kate Gosselin stops chasing the limelight? Kimye doesn't stand the test of time? Is the apocalypse upon us?
I know what you're all thinking because I'm thinking the same thing. If this crazy kid and her crazy almost senior citizen hubby can't make it in today's world, where is the hope for the rest of us? And dare I ask? Whatever will become of their pooch Dourtney?
Reza’s Obsession #1:RezaNeNe Leakes Wedding "What I'm obsessing over – did you notice the similarities to Kim Zolciak's wedding?" asked Reza. "I was giving NeNe the benefit of the doubt when she went blonde, but after she went to the same designer for her wedding dress? That's a little suspect."
Arabella's first birthday is just a few days away. Alex decides she'd rather Matt not come to the party – because he'll sulk when he has to share Arabella with others – but she welcomes him to one-on-one time with her on her actual birth day. Sadly, as of right now, Matt has not returned any of Alex's calls. His loss! Alex puts her baby daddy drama on the back burner to deal with her own daddy. She invites him to Arabella's party despite tension since she became a teen mom. He says yes.
Katie obsesses over Joey Maes. She complains non-stop to poor Molli and whomever else is willing to listen. Also? Katie fails to see that she's equally responsible for their breakup. Perpetual victim, this one. Everything is Joey's fault. She'll never be able to forgive him. Blah. Blah. Unless he wants her back, then maybe… probably… definitely. This girl needs a serious reality check and an ounce of self esteem. STAT.
Last nightJoanna Krupa made it down the aisle on Real Housewives of Miami, but not without some serious hijinks! Like oversleeping, missing her flight, and ending up on a cheeseball pseudo-dramatic roadtrip to San Diego with Lea Black driving like a bitch out of hell.
After the epic bachelorette party, Joanna leaps out of bed in full makeup only to learn that she's tragically late. She rouses the other girls, whose lack of artifice make me think that perhaps they really did over-sleep. Lisa Hochstein and Joanna have forgiven each other for their drunken whore-gument the night before. Lisa is passed out on the floor or something and has no recollection of storming off the party bus after humping the open bar. Which is for the best.
Everyone scrambles to get ready, choose the perfect accessories and 6" heels for travel, while Lea actually arranges said travel. They end up renting an SUV, getting stranded in the dessert when Fembot needs to stop to vomit up nuts, bolts, and silicone and Adriana de Moura attempts to pee against the wind in a flowy maxi dress and some serious stripper heels. Again, who wears that on a ROAD TRIP. It's called JEANS. Well at least everyone is having fun, not taking things too seriously, and joking about the drunken antics.
Last night was the season premiere of Vanderpump Rules. Everyone on this show needs a Lysol bath and a therapist for their narcissism.
Stassi Schroeder, Princess of Booze, Bitchiness, and Over-inflated Egos, has not changed one bit! She is now on a quest for world domination, something she plans to write the POTUS about. Stassi wants to make it a law that she has a pet zombie. I thought Jax Taylor was her pet zombie?
Jax is still in loooourve with Stassi, but doing everything humanly (and zombie-ly) possible to screw it up. All Jax's groveling and begging her dad for forgiveness doesn't count if he's still planning on dipping his wick in the non-insane bitch ladies pool!
Other than JaxAssi acting JaxAssi-ish, Scheana Marie has gone full-fledged SWF nutty! Let's talk about her, shall we? In the off-season Scheana has devoted every moment of her life to worshippingLisa Vanderpump and replacing Brandi as the object of Lisa's maternal affections. Can't Giggy have a baby already? Scheana has also decided Pandora is her BFF – and even better, they share a birthday.
How could you not love the Robertson family from A&E's Duck Dynasty? The answer is…you can't not love them. It's a sheer impossibility to find anything wrong with this crew.
As you all know, the Robertsons love family, faith, sweet tea, deer hunting, and apparently, surprises! The folks attending the grand opening of the new Field & Stream in Crescent Springs, KY can certainly attest to that fact! Uncle Si and nephew Alan Robertson surprised the crowd who was participating in a Duck Dynasty Look-A-Like contest and took photos with the winners.
Five winners were chosen in all including two Uncle Si winners (a child and an adult), and Jase, Willie and Phil impersonators. Seriously, how could you not adore this family?
And I thought I was the only one who was freaking out that it was already November. I mean, I haven't met my yearly goals of 2013 (which include but are not limited to: get engaged to a kind, handsome millionaire, hang out with Uncle Si, and try every wine ever created by a reality star). Don't Be Tardy'sKim Zolciak-Biermann also can't believe how quickly 2013 is flying by us. Of course, with all of Kim's believing and receiving this year, she should eagerly anticipate the treats that 2014 undoubtedly has in store for her. As for me, I don't think I'm going to be eating barbeque with the Robertsons in the new year, so…
As we know, Kim likes to share her family life with fans. It must be a precursor to being a reality star. I think they are genetically wired to crave that attention! Regardless, Kim's kids are cute, and their Halloween fun makes for fluff fodder…and sometimes isn't that better than the normal nastiness and gossip?
Well, we're back for another classy installment ofLove & Hip Hop which begins with Amina Buddafly bragging to Rich Dollaz about her marriage to Peter Gunz. She is a horrible actress as she tries to act like she's sick of being considered his side-chick. Peter can't believe she's spilling their secret. After all, he told her that no one could ever know about their little wedding. Mona, I'm insulted. This is what passes for "reality" these days? This is about as real as my relationship with Ryan Gosling.
K. Michelle and her friend Paris are meeting Yandy Smith for gossip and cocktails. They discuss the dating scene in New York City, and K. Michelle reveals that she won't date another man with a hairless cat. Before I can get totally grossed out by K's weird sexual references, she explains that she once dated a guy who actually had a Grandma Whiskers. Yandy decides to plan a ladies' night out to welcome her friend to the Big Apple.
We're introduced to Nya who is a stripper turned rapper (sound familiar?), so of course Rich feels inclined to stop by the studio to check out her sound. Nya isn't keen on having a manager who is known for sleeping with his artists. She's already got enough to overcome with the whole stripper gig. Rich is insulted. Google him. He makes dreams come true. This is either the worst first meeting between "business people" or a prelude to a sexually charged manager-artist relationship. I've learned only one thing from this flipping franchise, and that is the studio time costs money. This entire exchange just seems like a big ol' waste of cash to me.