Reality Tea

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Indictment drama is not translating into new viewers for The Real Housewives of New Jersey, as the show's audience declined again this week!  Another 200,000 fans tuned out the show this Sunday, bringing it down to 2.2 million watchers.

Brody Jenner Keeping Up with the Kardashians continues to reel in a decent sized viewership again this week, seeing a small downward turn, but overall is holding steady this season with an average of more than 2.5 million.  This week the show pulled in 2.74 million fans who aren't as sick of the Kardashian-Jenners as they proclaim.

Those 200,000 RHONJ fans who jumped ship must've headed over to watch Hollywood Exes instead because the show saw a bump from 623,000 last week to 814,000 this week!  Not too shabby considering the big mistake of moving it to Sunday night. 

Lastly, more than 2 million of you tuned in to swoon over Kody Brown's lovely locks on Sister Wives this week.

Take a look at the full week-by-week numbers below!

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Is there anyone on the cast of Below Deck who doesn't have a mugshot?

​Last week, C.J. Lebeau was arrested for assault and this week it emerges that his fling Samantha "Sam" Orme has a record herself! Way back in 2006 when she had just a budding dream of being a rocket scientist and sending Adrienne into space for insubordination #sarcasm, Sam got popped for a DUI. 

Sam was arrested in Tallahassee, Florida while she was an undergrad at Florida State University. Sam was 18 at the time and got caught using a fake ID and driving drunksee! 

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I just can't figure out what's going on with Real Housewives of Miami. It's like in a desperate bid to be as good as all the other shows, they scrambled to switch everything up – giving me no sense of security here.

On top of that, I think I'm Weddings by Bravo'd out. I mean on top of Tamra Barney and NeNe Leakes' big spinoffs we're now inundated with Adriana de Moura and Joanna Krupa planning weddings and bickering about weddings and out-weddings each other and weddings, weddings, weddings… Maybe we can just pull a Sister Wives, lump all the Bravo brides together, and throw them with one man. I nominate Andy Cohen to be tied to these broads for life. Payback's a bitch!

So last night Joanna and Romain Zago had the big talk. You know, the prenup one. In a pseudo intimate moment in which Joanna's minimalist makeup was applied to perfection, they had breakfast in bed and argued, over freshly cut fruit, that Romain was going into wedding planning by planning his divorce. Um… he's agreeing to marry JOANNA. 

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It seems Melissa Gorga changes her stories faster than she changes her lipgloss. I mean, one minute Jan is her BFF and they were in each other's weddings and the cheating allegation is the ultimate betrayal. And in the next minute, like in her recent blog, they were only friends for like a hot second 300 years ago. 

So that means one of two things: Melissa didn't have any real-real friends to stack her bridal party with or she's lying about the nature of her relationship with Jan! Whatever the case, like all things Real Housewives of New Jersey, it doesn't add up! 

According to our source Melissa is intent on continuing the "victim act" at all costs. "She just wants to blame Teresa for everything," our source tells us exclusively. "Melissa really needs a story line." What – you mean writing a marriage bible and staging a J. Faux pop star career isn't enough?! <gasp>

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This is going to be good, y'all!  The mean girls are back with tagalong Suzie Ketcham trailing not far behind.  It will be interesting to see if Evelyn Lozada, Shaunie O'Neal, and Tami Roman can keep their promise to keep tempers in check.  Newbie Tasha Marbury is also going to be thrown into the craziness, but not this week.  Of course, first VH1 needs to explain away Ev & Ocho.

A bittersweet melody plays as we're treated to a photo montage of Evelyn and Chad Johnson's wedding peppered with redacted police reports and Chad's mugshot.  A somber Evelyn tells of her brother-in-law's death two days after she learned of Chad's cheating and the subsequent head butt that left her with several stitches in her forehead.  She feels like people blamed her for ruining Chad's career.  Is this Basketball Wives or the lead in for a 20/20 special?

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Oh the tears of a Real Housewife. As legit as beachfront property in Arizona. Last night on the second installment of the Real Housewives of Orange County reunion it was Gretchen Rossi's turn to crumple face without tears. 

I dunno what you call that sort of cry where no liquid emanates? I mean is it all the botox? At the very least I would expect wine to come out 'cause all they consume is wine. Well, that and bulls#*!. 

So much happened last night – where to begin… 

Well, let's all get this out of the way: Alexis Bellino talked about JIM BLOB's man part. It was the most awkward 2 minutes of television ever! She tripped and stumbled over a forced non sequitur about how he wears a size 14 shoe if you know what she's saying… EW! So that's how things started and if you can believe it they went downhill from there! 

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As we just reported, Shahs of Sunset star Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi ended her relationship with new beau Sean Sette because he allegedly cheated. The couple handled the matter maturely and privately. Just kidding!

Like any good reality TV star would do… GG blasted Sean on Instagram and Twitter… now Sean has obtained a restraining order against GG.

Sean told a L.A. County Superior Court judge that GG has been stalking him and threatened his family, career, and sexuality, also pointing out, "GG has an abundance of knives that she carries with her, including illegal knives."  

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