What can be said about last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Don’t get me wrong – I’ll say plenty – but did that actually happen? Did an Emmy-award winning actress really get a glass of backwashed wine thrown in her face by a desperate divorcee on a 10-year drunken meltdown? The answer to that question is unfortunately, yes.
Other things happened leading up to the white wine wash – it started with the last glamorous, happy, successful woman Brandi Glanville insulted on every level – Lisa Vanderpump. Brandi looked nice at that lunch, as if she played Invasion of the Body Snatchers with Yolanda Foster.
For those who tuned in to last night’s Watch What Happens Live with Brandi Glanville and Jeff Lewis, you may be feeling a little “WTH just happened?” That was perhaps the most awkward and odd episode of the show thus far. I don’t even know how to sum up and recap this one, it was such a disjointed mess.
First, Brandi wore a see through skirt with some black undies that failed to completely cover her butt cheeks when she stood to show it off. Andy points out that Brandi’s face looks different and Jeff thinks she’s laid off the fillers a little.
Am I ready for this? That’s my first thought as I settled in last night for the fifth season premiere of Dance Moms. Immediately, I am distracted by Abby Lee Miller’s new hairdo. She looks like my middle school gym teacher circa 1988. She greets her favorites Maddie and Mack Z…oh, and Kendall and Nia as the ALDC pile in and shower her with gifts. I’ll give Abby a little bit of credit because she has lost a lot of weight. Of course, I am anticipating that Lifetime will let me down sooner rather than later. With Chloe missing from practice, Maddie reveals that she and Kendall have both attempted to text and Facetime their friend to no avail. Jill has her fingers crossed that Christi and Chloe will walk in the door. Holly senses a hole in their team, but she hopes the girls can overcome her absence.
In the pyramid, Abby congratulates the ALDC on their fourth Nationals win. Abby screams that Chloe was invited back, but her evil mother is keeping her from being part of the group. Off with her head! Who needs Chloe when you have ALDC: LA? Abby has determined that her troupe will no longer be just dancers. Each week they will focus on singing and acting as well. She will produce triple threats. Is it possible that my ears are already bleeding from her shrillness? The pyramid is more of a square this go-round, but there is a mystery fifth spot on the top. Kendall is on the bottom for coming in ninth overall. Jill is cut off before she can begin to defend her daughter. Oh, wait, Chloe is still on the pyramid, one up from Kendall. Nia is in third, followed by McKenzie. Surprise, Maddie is on the top!
Brandi Glanville is losing all of her friends – except for the one who compared her to a dog! And even though Yolanda Foster made such an unsightly comparison Brandi realizes it’s better to at least one ally than none allies, so she’s brushing her fellow Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills star’s comment off!
“I am not upset at all & I understand @YolandaHFoster more then most people so I take this as a compliment,” Brandi tweeted, sharing a photo of her and Yolanda together. Albeit a photo from a magazine, because as you know these two don’t interact outside of the Bravo confines!
Demetria McKinney‘s story has changed… On Real Housewives of Atlanta, she admitted to Cynthia Bailey that she and Roger Bobb were “on” the same period of time Gocha said she dated Roger Bobb. “I’m almost positive she’s lying,” said Demetria. “I don’t know her, but I know him.” Now, it happened, but while they were “off.”
“I went to Kandi’s sexy party in an effort to get to know these ladies a bit better, relax, and enjoy a Kandi Koated Night,” said Demetria. “And two-year-old tea gets spilled by random girl #673 hoping for a cameo?! I actually feel bad for her. You need that light so badly that you’d openly confess that your shining moment came from being on your back?! Girl! Never again admit to being a sock (Definition: Something to keep his stuff warm during the cold moment of a break up). I have made it known that Roger and I have been in – and out – of our relationship over the span of eight years. Blue’s Clues happened when we were not together.”
OK, not fair, I’ll walk the jokes to the backdoor, as this obviously wasn’t the look the Teen Momstar was going for when she went in for a lip tune up. Unless, of course, Farrah plans to fall victim to a fully produced porn film again soon. (oh well the jokes are back) We can never really be sure with Farrah.