Oh Vanderpump Rules – why you make so many menz cry? Perhaps it's because I grew up in the south but I think a man should drown his tears in whiskey instead. Does that make me a cold-hearted biatchStassi Schroeder?
Last night the gang traveled to LAKE ARROWHEAD, mythical kingdom of all things powerful and magical, or you would have imagined it was by the awestruck way the entire cast said the name over and over again! Jax Taylor is going to implore Stassi's mom to accept him so Stassi will be his girlfriend again. Stassi's mom is pretty much exactly like Stassi – only scarier and with worse hair.
The real reason they're going is so Jax can show Stassi his tattoo – ac-ci-dent-tal-leee, as he takes his shirt off on the beach. "What's that?!" she wonders grabbing his arm? For me… she gasps. 'Next I want you to get my vaj tattoo over your heart. Then I'll love you again. Maybe…' Stassi is slightly disgusted by the gesture but alas her ego explodes into a thousand cosmic rays of gloriosity – someone wants her enough to permanently mutilate their body. Jax and Tom 1 giggle in the bedroom over how well it went. Meanwhile Stassi complains to her mom about how desperate Jax is.
Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills battle lines were drawn in the mythical sand using witches wands and Louboutins. Did I mention the witches were also wearing Louboutins, because yeah… Beverly Hills and all that.
So Brandi Glanville invites us all over to her bathroom to watch her take a bath while the editors blurred over her ladybits. Jennifer Gimenez stopped by because doesn't one always entertain while they're naked?! They talk boys; Brandi and JR's relationship isn't going anywhere and Jennifer thinks he needs dumping.
Brandi goes on a date with JR where she confronts him about not ordering a drink first and oh yeah – taking a couples trip to Texas without 1/2 of his coupling. That half being her! Apparently JR was with all his friends, who are couples, but he didn't want to bring Brandi.
JR is pretty unapologetic about the whole thing and it triggers Brandi's "trust issues" since in case you have been living in a black hole or on Mars and weren't aware, Brandi was cheated on you guys. She was like SO cheated on and like she needs to discuss it forever and ever and ever and ever because she apparently doesn't have anything else going on besides Botox and drinking.
So, let's just dive right into last night's Love & Hip Hop, shall we? After all, that's what Mona wants us to do! The episode begins asPeter Gunz' two lady loves have been pulled apart, and Tara Wallace is still trying to figure out her next move as Amina Buddafly laughs hysterically in the corner. I'm so confused. Rich Dollaz calls Peter to warn him of the debacle. It's messy, and messy isn't good for the label. Yandy Smith puts Tara in a car after promising to support her friend. So, is Amina still going to be the label's rainmaker?
Saigon is having a birthday party Joe Budden style. He's gotten back the results of the DNA test, and he's waiting to open up the envelope. Erica Jean is giggling and falling all over Grill Master Saigon until he's ready to Maury Povich himself. For some reason Erica Jean is nervous, but once it's determined that he is the father, he's over the moon. Saigon isn't ready to commit to Erica Jean until he knows he's mature enough to be honest and faithful, but he's happy to date her until that day comes. He starts screaming "The Boy is Mine" all Brandi/Monica style to the entire birthday party. So much for keeping the DNA testing discreet!
Tara waits up all night for the coward Peter to come home. Of course, he waits to confront Tara in the daylight after she's put his shoe collection out on the sidewalk. He's sorry he messed, but he doesn't want to be embarrassed by having his shoes thrown at him. Peter thinks that Tara was wrong for hitting Amina, and Amina was wrong for telling Tara about their marriage. Is this guy for real? He hates that Tara found out that Amina is his wife because it pains him to see her hurting. Yeah, keeping the marriage a secret should have been the way to go…not, oh, you know, refraining from marrying your side chick!
Soooooooo, which one of y'all has been asking to see a picture of Kim Zolciak-Biermann's baby bump? Well, you're welcome.
The Don't Be Tardy star has complied with your request, and we all get to partake in the eye candy that is Kim's bulging belly. Bet you didn't think of that tiny caveat, did you? I kid, I kid. I am sooooo kidding.
Kanye West dropped his latest bit of genius on us via the Ellen DeGeneres Show, his new music video for 'Bound 2' – featuring fiancee Kim Kardashian.
Kim is striking sexy poses while laying on a motorcycle and then straddles Kanye topless while sitting on the same motorcycle as some arty sexy stuff happens. Clearly we may not be evolved enough or intelligent enough to understand the deep, deep meaning of this work of artistic genius. But he's allowing us to watch it anyway.
The video and lyrics are a little NSFW, so be careful if you have little ones running around.
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR THE VIDEO AND POLL
If you had to guess who the most hated man in hip hop was at the moment, who would you choose? I have a feeling that many of you would cast your vote for Love & Hip Hop'sPeter Gunz. Am I right?
Of course, while I totally fault the guy for his horrific behavior, I must admit that he's made a usually blah franchise more fun to watch–at the expense of his baby mama/live-in girlfriend and side-chick/wife. Follow that? He has certainly aired his dirty laundry for the world to see, and he doesn't seem all that remorseful about it either. I suppose if you're getting paid to act a fool…