Ladies and gentlemen, put on take off your sunglasses and step into the shade. However, I must warn you, this is a scepter and weave-free zone! In case any of y’all were worried that hell was in the process of freezing over or that pigs may begin to sprout wings, Porsha Williams wants to assure you that the Kenya Moore hug on this past episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta was nothing short of fake…like Kenya’s hair according to Brandi Glanville (although I am pretty convinced from Krayonce’s latest appearance on WWHL that while she may be crazy, she is #blessed with a beautiful and natural head of hair. Don’t be hatin’, ladies!).
After that more than tumultuous reunion, Kenya and Porsha have finally hugged it out–at Kenya’s prompting, no less!–in an attempt to put the past in the past. But did we viewers really buy it? Nope. And Porsha wants to make sure we all know not to buy what Twirl is selling!
Claudia Jordan just moved to Atlanta and was robbed! Don’t worry – it wasn’t her apartment (because she didn’t have anything to take as you recall, she’s was serving wine in Solo Cups and sitting on the floor atop a Target rug).
The Real Housewives Of Atlanta star shared on instagram that her car was broken into and featured a photo of the smashed in windows. Claudia’s laptop was taken – hopefully there wasn’t anything too naughty on there! (steamy photos with Atlanta’s favorite sometimes bachelorRoger Bobb?!) – and she is offering a cash reward for whomever returns it.
Of course, the union of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian was the biggest “to do” of them all, but not necessarily in a good way. From parading their terrible fashions (again and again and again) all over Paris and Florence to throwing a tacky wedding reception, it was an exhausting time for us all.
Believe it or not, eleven other couples DARED to get married the same year as KANYE WEST. If you search, there’s probably an epic, egotistical rant on the internet about it. Anyway, the “other” wedding ceremonies, receptions, dresses ranged from tasteless to exquisite, and everything in between.
What can be said about last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Don’t get me wrong – I’ll say plenty – but did that actually happen? Did an Emmy-award winning actress really get a glass of backwashed wine thrown in her face by a desperate divorcee on a 10-year drunken meltdown? The answer to that question is unfortunately, yes.
Other things happened leading up to the white wine wash – it started with the last glamorous, happy, successful woman Brandi Glanville insulted on every level – Lisa Vanderpump. Brandi looked nice at that lunch, as if she played Invasion of the Body Snatchers with Yolanda Foster.
For those who tuned in to last night’s Watch What Happens Live with Brandi Glanville and Jeff Lewis, you may be feeling a little “WTH just happened?” That was perhaps the most awkward and odd episode of the show thus far. I don’t even know how to sum up and recap this one, it was such a disjointed mess.
First, Brandi wore a see through skirt with some black undies that failed to completely cover her butt cheeks when she stood to show it off. Andy points out that Brandi’s face looks different and Jeff thinks she’s laid off the fillers a little.
Am I ready for this? That’s my first thought as I settled in last night for the fifth season premiere of Dance Moms. Immediately, I am distracted by Abby Lee Miller’s new hairdo. She looks like my middle school gym teacher circa 1988. She greets her favorites Maddie and Mack Z…oh, and Kendall and Nia as the ALDC pile in and shower her with gifts. I’ll give Abby a little bit of credit because she has lost a lot of weight. Of course, I am anticipating that Lifetime will let me down sooner rather than later. With Chloe missing from practice, Maddie reveals that she and Kendall have both attempted to text and Facetime their friend to no avail. Jill has her fingers crossed that Christi and Chloe will walk in the door. Holly senses a hole in their team, but she hopes the girls can overcome her absence.
In the pyramid, Abby congratulates the ALDC on their fourth Nationals win. Abby screams that Chloe was invited back, but her evil mother is keeping her from being part of the group. Off with her head! Who needs Chloe when you have ALDC: LA? Abby has determined that her troupe will no longer be just dancers. Each week they will focus on singing and acting as well. She will produce triple threats. Is it possible that my ears are already bleeding from her shrillness? The pyramid is more of a square this go-round, but there is a mystery fifth spot on the top. Kendall is on the bottom for coming in ninth overall. Jill is cut off before she can begin to defend her daughter. Oh, wait, Chloe is still on the pyramid, one up from Kendall. Nia is in third, followed by McKenzie. Surprise, Maddie is on the top!