Last night’s Celebrity Apprentice felt like a placeholder in between far more exciting episodes. The last two weeks were so exciting that I guess we needed a break before the real stuff starts. This needs to step up, because Sunday nights are too competitive. In any case, the Trumps certainly needed another product placement turn, since Ivanka’s fashion line has been all but forgotten at this point by most viewers.
This time, it was the Donald’s turn, and he got to shill for his new fragrance, “Success by Trump” Or as I like to call it, “Success after declaring bankruptcy and putting your family’s name on just about anything.” Both teams had to create an in-store display and slogan to promote the brand at Macy’s. On team Unanimous, looking so sad with just three members, Aubrey O’Day stepped up to the PM plate, and on team Forte, Clay Aiken took over. Penn Jillette talking-heads that he is going to bow out in order to become the celebrity apprentice. Remember that part!
The assignment is given out in Trump’s magnificently tacky home, the amount of gold just in the room the cast is standing in could probably be used to feed several third-world nations, but who cares when Donald needs everything to sparkle? Moving on to the war room, Clay already started to get annoyed at Penn and all his IDEAS. Dayana Mendoza immediately comes up with a super sexual idea of having nude women wear ties in the photos for the display. I’m not surprised that Dayana comes up with stuff like this; if you ever watch television from her home country of Venezuela, everything is all about innuendo and double entendre. The girl simply can not help it!
They’re baaaaaaaaaaaack. So, last night was the Real Housewives of New Jersey premiere and well, I think it’s very clear how this is all shaking out. It’s Teresa Giudice vs. the world. Bring back Super T cause she needs that cape! From the very first moment of the show, it was evident the emotions are raw and palpable. And it was hard for me to watch. Dare I say, this is the realest any Real Housewives show has ever been!
Things begin with the Wakiles and Gorgas are at the shore house. Kathy Wakile is cooking of course. Someone brings up Teresa‘s cookbook and, conveniently, just so happens to have a copy. And Richie just so happens to read aloud from it in front of all the parties while Melissa Gorga looks uncomfortable. Everyone discusses how much Teresa has changed since fame swept her under it’s demon wing and flew her far away from the marble palace in the half-vacant sub-division, the orange tans, and the salty, sewery breeze of Jersey; to a place where she is honored and revered and not a pariah for her love of sequins and trash talk. Non-Juicy Joe (aka Joe Gorga – gosh it feels good to use the old nicknames again!) announces that as a family, they are moving past the cookbook insults. We all know that’s not true!
At Jacqueline Laurita‘s she is having a party to get Caroline Manzo and Teresa in the same room together. The Manzo spawn are still incensed about Terea’s comments in the cookbook and Caroline is all like ‘you don’t have to kiss my feet – but you better if you want me to accept this apology.’
Somebody brings up Ashley, Ashlee, Hatlee- whatever – and wonders it she’s still a complete loser. That’s an affirmative! Lauren Manzo, who’s become quite the Donette Caroline, quips that the only thing Ashlee has changed about her life is her hair color. Lauren, on the other hand, completed med school by aged 16 and is a doctor on TV, saving children’s lives. Oh wait – that was Doogie Howser.
Teresa shows up and things are prickly. She wants to talk to Caroline and apologize about the cookbook misunderstanding. What?! <<Head spinning>> She wants to handle something like an adult not chuck an onion at Caroline’s head and tell her to go to hell or something. Teresa sits Caroline down and basically says they were all jokes and Caroline should get over it, but she’s sorry she hurt her feelings. All said though, Teresa’s face was so full of emotion and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. It was odd. All these ladies seem so broken. Caroline doesn’t feel the apology is sincere (even though I think it was in Teresa’s way) but decides she’s going to co-exist with Teresa. They hug and Teresa tells Caroline she’s like family to her.
Meanwhile everyone else is prepping for the shore. At the Gorgas’ Joe tells Melissa Teresa thinks Melissa would leave him if she met a richer man. So this definitely seems like a family rebuilding. Melissa and Joe go back and forth about the Teresa issue; they’re both hurt and Teresa is totally out of line. Who says that? So when did Bravo rename this show The Teresa Experience?
Kathy and Richie are packing. Richie pulls out some sex oil and Kathy gets all squeamish, telling him to hide it so no one sees it. Yet – they’re talking about it on television… Right. If sexing up their marriage is going to be a storyline, don’t expect me to recap that. Kathy implores him to just be nice to Teresa and try to get along, since they’ll all be spending time together over the weekend.
Over at Teresa‘s they are also packing up for the shore. Teresa admits this has been a hard year for her with Joeww and his issues. Teresa says Joe has become the nanny and she is now the breadwinner. She loves having him help her around the house, except he’s still lumbering around like a caveman screaming at everyone and tantruming. In the middle of all the chaos, Melania calls Gia a “stupid pooper” BWAHAHA! – which needs to replace bitch and whore as the standard HW insult. Teresa threatens to wash her mouth out with soap unless she apologizes like she means it. Hmmm… maybe Caroline needs to try that approach with T!
In the car on the way there, Teresa asks Joe about what he did last night. Joe claims he was out with some girls! On business! Um, say what? Teresa and Gia‘s hair stands up on end and they’re both like ‘wadaya mean girls’? Joe barks that they need to stay outta his bizness – except that broke fool doesn’t have bizness. And he was at TGI Friday!
Teresa is well aware of the rumors that Joe is cheating on her and she tells him Gia knows too, so he better keep his legs closed! Who would have an affair with Joe? Teresa would cut you faster than you could say Boo. Dang, I get the shivers just thinking about it!
Later while Jr. Mafia Joe is preparing for prison by weight lifting, Teresa wafts in wearing her leopard print robe to confront him about Gia being aware of what goes on. Teresa cites a magazine article she did talking about him going to prison and says Gia is worried about it and can read things. A Giudice that can read? Impossible! Joe, in a rare moment of clarity, tells Teresa this is the life they chose by going on TV. Teresa wants to protect her girls, but Joe seems unconcerned.
The funniest part was the mouse poop in that slide thing they had all rolled up on the roof and all the girls freaking out. haha. I love Melania and she melts my heart. She’s totally a crazy Housewife in training!
At Jacqueline‘s she gets a visit from her lifecoach. Apparently Ashlee is completely out of control and only focused on partying. In fact several times she has gotten stranded in the city because she’s too drunk to get home and Chris has to pick her up in the middle of the night. Yikes. The lifecoach gives her the same advice she’s been getting for three years and hasn’t taken. So when are they buying Ashlee another car?
So, Caroline is menopausal – or pregnant with a change of life baby! No just kidding – although I just kept waiting and waiting for Bravo to pull that out. It could still happen! Maybe Kathy will get the middle-aged storyline this season. Anyway, Caroline’s been having migraines and has been increasingly short tempered. She blames the company she keeps and her children for deserting her. Then hastily adds that Lauren still lives at home though. The doctor tells her she’s getting old. ha
The Gorga’s arrive at their shore house, which used to be normal and quaint until Joe decided to blow it up into a mcmansion complete with a liberry and a roller rink. Sadly, it’s still a construction zone and not fit for habitation. Melissa glares at him and snaps – no sex for you. Tarzan’s not leaving the jungle tonight!
So they all cruise over to Rich and Kathy‘s place, where they proceed to talk about Teresa some more. Apparently Melissa just so happened to come accross Teresa’s In Touch Weekly cover. And after she drew devil horns and a mustache on Teresa’s face and sobbed that she wasn’t front and center, she read the article. Basically, Teresa admitted she was scared that Jr Mafia Joe may be headed to prison.
On last night’s Mob Wives, everyone shockingly got along. There were no brawls, no altercations, and a relatively small amount of drama. What’s going on, ladies?
Renee Graziano and Ramona Rizzo head to lunch, where Renee finally realizes that she needs to stop throwing a pity party for herself. She doesn’t want Junior Pagan to have that kind of power of her after his shady dealings. Ramona reveals that the feds obtained a search warrant for Joe’s house and have confiscated all of her jewelry from the home. It’s over 200k worth of baubles, and Ramona is beyond upset about the hoops she will have to jump through to have it returned.
Karen Gravano is anticipating the release of Mob Daughters and she is going to have a big party, including media, red carpet, the works. Karen is nervous about the potential questions the book could generate, but she is very excited about the venue.
Big Ang is excited about the holidays, especially for her sister Janine’s Christmas party at her massive home. Renee is looking good and arrives ready to have fun. Drita D’Avanzo shows up and is awe of Janine’s house. Of course, Renee wants to get to the bottom of Carla Facciolo implying that Renee knew Junior was a rat. Both Drita and Big Ang are defending Carla because they don’t think she meant any harm. Renee is finally ready to listen to reason, and Big Ang is grateful. She just wants to have a fun party!
Drita and Carla go shopping for jewelry for Carla’s niece’s sweet sixteen party. Drita relays to Carla how crazy Renee went over hearing Carla’s comment from Karen. Carla is so tired of how sensitive Renee is being, and she can’t believe Karen didn’t convey the context in which her statement was said. Drita tries to play peacekeeper, but it seems like it’s going to be a lost cause.
Ramona has a meeting with Joe’s attorney. She wants to get her jewelry back…although she doesn’t seem to care about her children’s birth certificates which were stored with the jewelry. He tells her that her possessions are likely in a vault in Texas. Not only are many of the pieces expensive, but they have sentimental value. Ramona is livid.
Carla and Renee meet for coffee to hash out their differences. Carla is beyond angry that Renee would ever believe that Carla thought that way about her. She basically goes on off on Renee for not coming to her first. Carla is also shocked when Renee takes responsibility for making the assumption, and all is well (for now) with their friendship.
Ramona, Karen, and Big Ang are taking belly dancing lessons. Big Ang can’t get the moves down, and Ramona blames her massively huge breasts for her lack of balance. Karen isn’t getting the hang of it either. She blames her preoccupation on the fact that some of the victims are trying to boycott her book. She is just trying to tell the story of her life. Ramona believes it must be difficult for all parties involved. Ya think?
Drita has a cute scene with her youngest daughter. Her four-year-old is the week’s star student, and Drita surprises her daughter by announcing she’s going to get a puppy. Her daughter is thrilled, but Drita isn’t too keen on naming a dog “Sparkles.”
Reza Farahanwants us to know that not all reality TV is scripted and “steered” by the powers-that-be. (aka Ryan Seacrest).
TheShahs of Sunset star says that he and his fellow cast mates are the real deal. And unlike some of those others famewhores on the air, you will find this gang together even when they’re not filming. “It’s not a reality show based on characters that were brought together randomly — I had dinner with GG last night, I talk to Mike everyday, MJ and Sammy are in Coachella for a music festival together right now.”
Reza says that no story lines are contrived or forced on them. You know, it was their own decision to gift each other with colonics and film it for the world to see (and be traumatized by). “Ryan would call, email, text, check in but it was just to make sure we were happy, make sure we were OK, make sure that whatever feedback, whether positive or negative that we were OK with it. But it was never to steer us. There’s no steering.”
Also not fake (besides Reza’s pornstache)? The intimate details of his life. He is committed to spreading his fabulousness to all the land and in the only way he knows how: through brutal honesty and an “all or nothing” attitude. “You can’t have expectations of wanting to bring about change in your community if you have one foot in and one foot out…. There’s so much homophobia and it was either: not do it, or if I was going to do it, I was going to put it all out there. And that’s what I did.”
Reza is okay with putting it all out there, but he said that his cast mates have a lot of regret over things they did or said on camera, but he didn’t dish any details. Perhaps
Reza is hoping that by sharing their lives, they’ll do some good to break down some of the misunderstandings out there about Persians in general. “We’re humanizing a group of people that have been characterized and misrepresented as terrorists. If I’m a hard-working gay man who’s proud of himself and his family supports him, I want to showcase that instead of what’s been showcased since I got to this country, which is that we’re terrorists, we all have camels in our driveways and we all own an Uzi, all of which are not true.”
Even though he’s wanting to bring some change and give viewers a new perspective on Persians, he also isn’t the spokesperson for the entire community. “At the end of the day we’re not trying to represent anything other than ourselves. I wasn’t elected by the Persian House of Representatives to represent my people and this is not a documentary on the plight of the Persian people. This is about six fun, fabulous people living in L.A., period.”
After seeing themselves in the six season one episodes, I’m dying to see how they’ll behave in season two since some of them have regrets. Hopefully it doesn’t get boring!
It’s with great sadness that I announce that tonight is Sheree Whitfiled‘s last appearance on Real Housewives of Atlanta. I know, I cried too. Not because I am Sheree’s only fan (which I very well may be), but because Sheree’s arrival on the reality television scene was golden, precious, and insane. I mean, she only has my favorite intro in Housewives history: “I like things that are elegint and soffisicated, just like me!” Priceless, amirite?
As an homage to the most delusional Housewife of the whole franchise, it is without further ado that I unleash She by SheBroke: A Retrospective. Let’s recap some of Sheree’s greatest moments, shall we?
Season one we met Sheree; then full of hubris and conviction. “Budget – what’s that?;” she quipped. Insisting that soon she would be getting a whopping seven figures in a divorce settlement from ex-husband Bob Whitfield. Remember when Sheree had a personal shopper come to her mansion, which was drifting into foreclosure as she spoke, to bring her shoes? Oh, how the mighty fall.
“A big problem men have is they’re intimidated by successful women,” She by SheDelusional explained while spending her paltry divorce settlement on dresses she couldn’t afford. “I’m fashion; I’m style!;” she exclaimed. It’s so very in vogue to be broke, you know! So, of course first comes ridiculous, then comes a fashion line!
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR MORE OF SHE BY SHEBROKE’S HIGHLIGHTS!
In case your DVR wasn’t already working hard enough on Sunday nights, it’s time to add another show! The highly anticipated fourth season of Real Housewives of New Jersey premieres tonight, and Bravo has got the press machine in overdrive for its arrival. The video preview, released weeks ago, is very dramatic and shows how different this show is produced versus the other Housewives franchises, who stick to a combination of fights spliced in with fun vacation scenes. On the RHONJ universe, it’s all gloom and doom.
The show is definitely being framed as Teresa Giudice versus everyone else, so intensely, that the producers even allowed Teresa to skip the press activities required of the other women before the season airs. In an interview with HollywoodLife, Teresa insists there was a real reason, “My new book, Fabulicious!: Fast & Fit, is coming out May 15 and I need to do press for it on TV shows, but you can’t get booked for the same shows within a span of three weeks.” She adds, “I really need to go on the shows to promote my cookbook and both our RHONJ network, Bravo and the shows producers are fine with me missing the RHONJ promotions, they understand.”
I’m sure they understand; Teresa’s absence fuels the fire! And if you’re curious if Teresa makes jokes about the precious Manzo boys in her new book, she learned her lesson: “I wasn’t saying anything malicious about Caroline or anyone else in the cookbook, and I’m sincerely sorry that I offended Caroline. I really like her. I was joking in my cookbook.”
We all know if a joke doesn’t end in a punchline about Lauren Manzo‘s weight, Caroline won’t laugh. The humorless matriarch of the Manzo clan turned on Teresa in the last season and brought along her puppet/sister-in-law Jacqueline Laurita with her. Caroline tells the Huffington Post that Teresa was always Dina’s friend, “Teresa was and still is Dina’s friend. The viewers make assumptions that we were best buddies, but no, she was part of a group, an ensemble that we traveled with.”
She goes on, “But the relationship between Teresa and I was never that deep. I did respect her as human being and as a person…” That respect is now probably totally gone. HuffPo asks Caroline if her relationship with Teresa is salvageable and she gives a vague, Bravo, “watch what happens” answer:
“You can never say something’s never salvageable, but when you’re sorry you have to mean it. You have to be genuine in what you say. And if you’re not genuine in what you say then don’t waste your words… So right now, where I am, is pretty much where you saw me last, but you’ll see the story play out in the season and who knows where we’ll wind up.”
Of her relationship with Dina Manzo, from whom she is currently estranged, she is confident that they “will end” and that “Dina will be back.”
This season of Real Housewives of Orange County has been the equivalent of friendships in a blender, as the ladies have swapped buddies, traded aliases, and gotten us all mixed up with the flavors! First, Tamra Barney and Gretchen Rossibecame BFFLs, bonding over blowjob helpers and bad dye jobs. And now, Alexis Bellino and Vicki Gunvulson have apparently discovered they have much more in common than their television jobs—the Bravo one, obviously, not the newscastering one.
While it’s no stretch to see Tamretchen joined at the hip and cackling, Vicki and Alexis (Vilexis?) are quite the odd couple. But apparently, Paula Abdul was right and opposites attract.
Taking to her Bravo Blog, Alexis explains how she and Vicki went from enemies, to frienemies, to friends. “The friendship between Vicki and I wasn’t immediate. It has taken three years for Vicki and I to GROW into our friendship. Yes, Vicki said some mean things about me in the past, and yes I wasn’t always the kindest to her. However, we have both been very open about the fact that we wanted to try to make amends over three years, NOT OVERNIGHT!”
And, of course, their former best friends defecting to enemy lines had absolutely nothing to do with Vilexis’ bond. “Vicki and I were trying to make amends last year, before Tamra ever thought about scheming a friendship with Gretchen, so don’t let Tamra or Gretchen fool you that Vicki and I are only friends because those two became friends.”
“The friendship between Vicki and I is not out of convenience, nor is it contrived. Vicki and I have both said we have nothing to dislike the other person for, and we really enjoy being around each other,” Alexis adds. “Not only that, but Vicki apologized to me for everything in the past and said that if Tamra hadn’t been in her ear she would have gotten to know me and befriended me sooner.”