Real Housewives of Orange County was full all about actors last night. Except the only person who was legitimately doing any acting was Heather Dubrow. And no – she wasn't acting like a biatch this episode. Oh wait… yes she was but not as part of her real life, but as part of a role she was hired to play. But not for Bravo. AAAAHHH! I'm so confused…
Things begin with a blast from the past. Gold digging expert Lauri Peterson is resurrected to give Tamra Barney a little advice on making marriage number three last. Third times a charm, eh! They meet up at a jewelry store and Lauri looks great. All three of her children are doing well and good for her – hopefully life is going smoothly.
Since Lauri and Tamra were never really friends they resort to talking about someone they have in common: Vicki Gunvalson. Tamra fills Lauri in on how post-divorce Vicki is like soooo delusional and dating a loser. Lauri snickers and chooses this time to remind Tamra about how Vicki broke up her marriage to Simon. That's a great thing to be discussing while you're choosing a wedding ring for your third betrothed. #ManEaters
Tina is extremely dramatic regarding her biological clock, jokingly threatening suicide if she can't get pregnant and accusing Tarz of having lazy sperm. It's a bit much, and by "a bit," I clearly mean it's ridiculous. However, I do feel badly when she gets a negative result on her pregnancy test because she is visibly upset. Meanwhile, four weeks into their marriage, Kathryn is freaking out over a positive test. She's teary, and John is over the moon. He can't wait to tell everyone they know.
Who doesn't love to watch strangers meet, get whisked off to exotic locales, fall in love and find fame get married? It's a tried and true formula, and it almost always works…the fifteen minutes of fame, of course–not the marriage.
ABC's new Bachelorette is hoping that the show's odds are in her favor (or not in her favor…whichever makes her more likely to find a guy she actually likes) after failing to find love with BachelorSean Lowe. Desiree Hartsock, like all the other true believers before her, still thinks that the process can work. Sure.
Speaking of finding love, the shows' host, the dapper Chris Harrison, has apparently done just that. And not with me. Curses!
Traci is going to meet with Drew to talk about their recent blow-up, and she calls them a "family." She reveals that she was so in love with Drew, but I don't think she needs to be using the past tense. Traci gives a little history on their past before dropping off Little Drew with the baby-sitter. Over lunch, she tells Drew that she deserves better than seeing him with different girls and groupies every night. He reminds her that they haven't been a couple in seven years, because she clearly thinks they are still together. When Drew straight-up says he just wants to discuss her investing in his sneaker boutique, she storms out of the restaurant, promising to give him her money once she's calmed down. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea!
Mimi Faust is on a date with her new boyfriend Nikko. She reveals that he's a blast from the past, and she hopes that he will understand that she comes with baggage…in the form of Stevie J. Nikko realizes that everyone has skeletons in their closet, but his aren't haunting him like Mimi's are. Mimi admits that Stevie has given her some major trust issues, and she's worried that Nikko is a music producer like her ex.
You know how those Kardashian sisters roll…always in the midst of a lawsuit. Well it seems that their inability to be creative habit of borrowing ideas is rubbing off on they friend and E! prince Ryan Seacrest who finds himself on the receiving end of an infringement suit.
At least he's not alone, as Khloe KardashianOdom and husband Lamar Odom are about to find themselves in the same boat as dear, ol' Ryan. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so the state of New York should feel extra special right about now!
It's so hard adjusting to life as a Housewife! I mean all the media appearances and fancy parties and fabulous vacations paid for by Bravo…. oh and of course the totally insane women you're forced to work with!
Lydia McLaughlin is struggling with the curse of the newbie, i.e. forging alliances and getting to know your co-stars all while staying likeable to the viewers. It is not an easy path she walks…
"It is more difficult than I thought it would be!" the Real Housewives of Orange County star admitted to People. "I was just like, 'Yeah, what do I have to lose?! What would people not like about me?! I'm just going to be myself, and I'm going to be positive, and have a different type of voice!'"