Last night on Vanderpump Rules we were treated to Stassi Schroeder's deployment of a new identity and further examples of her meteoritic dissension into crazy fameho of monstrous (monster being the operative word!) proportions.
Apparently no one at Sur ever leaves Sur. It's a vortex of incest or something and I am deeply concerned for the safety of their public restrooms. I would advise our poor Lisa Vanderpump to make STD tests mandatory among the staff. It is a matter of public health. Call the CDC, peeps! And get these souls on match.com – they need to date in the outside world!
So Stassi has left Jax Taylor for Frank. And Jax has a sit-down at the Barbie mansion-come-to-life known as Lisa's house to piteously cry about his egregious behavior in Vegas. For shame, these waxed and buffed specimens parading as menz took their shirts off and pretended to fight. That fighting was reminiscent of a New Kids On The Block video! And Jax still loooorves dear Stassi Staph Infection, but knows he must release her into the wilds.
So, we are in the midst of what may be the longest stint of Teen Mom 2 in the history of the world. Last night's "mid-season finale" was even ninety minutes long…because it takes a long time to bid farewell to Jenelle Evans, Leah Messer Calvert, Chelsea Houska, and Kailyn Lowry. Not that they will be gone for long…we'll be treated to a two-hour reunion special next Monday, and then another twelve episode arc starts the week afterwards. That's when the true crazy is going to begin!
Last night's episode begins with a phone call from Jeremy. Leah, shocked she got pregnant so quickly (must I remind her of her first date with Corey?), has yet to tell him the good news. Jeremy is also in disbelief that it happened so fast, but he's nervous and excited. Leah commends Jeremy on waiting until he was the ripe old age of twenty-three to have a child…not sixteen like she was.
Chelsea is taking Aubree to check out day cares in the event she passes her GED and gets to start "hair school." Man, she's even whiny when questioning the day care instructor! The director calms her fears regarding leaving Aubree for the first time and stresses the need for Aubree to socialize at this age. Chelsea smacks her gum in agreement.
Kailyn is prepping for Isaac's second birthday and spending a lot of time with Javi. Why are guys drawn to her blunt sarcasm? Javi wonders if he'll ever get out of the friend zone. Kailyn assures him that being invited to Isaac's party is a good sign. Meanwhile, Jo and his new girlfriend are discussing how well Jo and Kailyn have been co-parenting lately. They are, however, having separate parties for their son. Jo wants Kailyn to meet his girlfriend, and his girlfriend thinks that Kailyn would want to know who is hanging around her son. She offers to write Kailyn a letter to break the ice.
Well since Bernie Guzman (aka Chef Bernie) is more desperate for 15 minutes of fame than I am for wine on tap and an unlimited french fry buffet, he's of course rushing to Adrienne's favorite tabloid RadarOnline to rebuttal.
“Paul is a 50-year-old man acting like a little boy,” Berniewhines. “He is trying to silence the violence and I’m not going to let him.” Bernie claims he is now the voice of domestic violence and he will fight this lawsuit.
If I never hear Chris Harrison say special two day Bachelor event again… it will be too soon… seriously. Oh, by the way, have you heard about the special two day Bachelor event? It's an exciting and momentous event that serves as a kick off to the bachelorettes "worldwide journey to find love" with Sean Lowe.
This rip-roaring journey begins in Montana… where it's too cold for Sean to be half naked… how am I supposed to take this special two day Bachelor event seriously when Sean is wearing a shirt? I don't think I can. You've been warned.
So, Sean and his bachelorettes are off to Montana, where everyone wears flannel plaid and there will be a one-on-one date, a group date, and a two-on-one date. Sean says, "I'm an outdoorsy type of guy, and I love to get out and camp or canoe, so Montana is definitely going to test some of the women."
Last night while watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I came to an important realization. I now understand why these women never eat and how they manage to stay so thin. If every time you sat down at a dinner table a massive fight broke out wouldn't you have dinner-induced trauma and be reduced to guzzling wine instead? They probably all go home and stuff microwaved popcorn in their faces while standing over the kitchen sink and ruminating about the days before they sold their souls to Bravo. But hey – at least those size 2s fit!
Yesterday's episode was more of the same. Same arguments, same players, same storyline, same snarky recapper wanting to hurl things at the screen. It started out OK, as it always seems to, but then quickly degenerated into the congealed, fetid remains of last night's dinner. Even Yolanda Foster was reduced to drinking tequila.
Most of the girls were in Vegas watching in awe as Brandi Glanville's legs twined around a stripper pole and slid gracefully to the floor. "Welcome to Night School For Girls!" she announced popping up with 3/4 of her boob also popping out. Splits Richards makes an important mental note to have Mauricio hypnotized into thinking Brandi is a revolting, wretched, shit-stirring drama queen again. He must not fall under her spell!
Yesterday this little blind item surfaced online about a Real Housewife not paying their studio bills for a podcast. While everyone was busy assuming the culprit was NeNe Leakes because of the "new normal" connection, the real bill-dodger went unnamed.
This real Housewife is claiming that her podcast is on hiatus because of a busy schedule, when in fact it's on hold due to not paying the studio for previous sessions. Perhaps the nonpayment is the fault of the shady producer she's working with. Said shady producer also swore there were some big name reality TV stars lining up to do the podcasts, but these reality stars claim they had no idea and never agreed to do so.
You be the judge – let us know who you think it is!
Adorable duo Kylie and Kendall Jenner sat down for the March issue of Glamour magazine to dish about growing up on reality TV. The youngest girls of the Jenner-Kardashian Krew share which sister they turn to for advice, how it feels to be in the spotlight, and how they really feel about the whole Kardashian Kraze.
Glamour: Your family leads such a public life. Is that a good thing?
Kylie: Our family is closer because of the show. And when we are older, we’ll have the memories on tape. If some of those moments hadn’t been filmed, I wouldn’t remember them!
Kendall: We appreciate everything that we have, but we don’t remember what it’s like to be normal kids who aren’t harassed by the paparazzi. I hate that. We’re underage girls. I don’t want to be followed by random men I don’t know. It can also be hard to deal with other kids who are jealous or mean. I can’t post a picture on Instagram without being criticized.
Kylie: No one really knows what we are like. People read about us on Twitter, but they don’t know what we do all day long. We don’t really have privacy, but we have an aspect that people don’t know about.