Reality Tea

rhom-recap-joanna

As Andy Cohen exclaimed in an excited frenzy last night, "I love evidence!" So, too, do we. Which means the ladies of Real Housewives of Miami came packing with the accusations, the evidence, the wild slanderous statements, and one of the dirtiest reunion shows I've seen since Thou Show That Should Not Be Named But Has An Indicted Star And Lots Of Family Feuding. Don't want to wake the dead with that mention! 

Anyway, back to the show of present. RHOM was vicious last night. Just the way we like it – crazy makeup, crazy hair, crazy girls, and tons of sequins flying out of their seats and and trying to deflect the even wilder accusations. 

Everything starts out kinda OK, but then Joanna Krupa sort of slams Adriana de Moura's wedding and mentions several times that it was beautiful except for the lateness, inconvenience, lies, total disrespect for the guests, idiotic costume change, bitchy atrocious bride, and the whole no food or drink for hours thing. But the gown was gorgeous! You know all that stuff, but at least Adriana didn't look like a flamenco dancer and at least Adriana's husband wants to sleep with her so ziiing!

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Premiere Of Ringling Bros. And Barnum & Bailey's

The cast of Couples Therapy season 4 was just announced and it is shaping up to be an epic season that we WILL NOT miss!  They had us at Farrah Abraham, but then they threw in Taylor Armstrong and Jon Gosselin, and we were sold! 

The crazy cast will include: Taylor Armstrong & John BluherJon Gosselin & Liz JanettaGhostface Killah & Kelsey NykoleWhitney Mixter & Sada Bettencourt, and Farrah Abraham.

Yes, Farrah is going to get couples therapy for herself, all by herself.  It makes perfect sense if you consider who it is.  Where's the publicity stunt boyfriend of hers?

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta - Season 5

There is crazy and then there is Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kenya Moore. She may be Gone with the Wind fabulous, but I think that wind may have also blown away some of her sanity with it! However, it only makes her all the more entertaining when addressing last week's episode in regards to NeNe Leakes and Porsha Stewart

She begins her Bravo blog in a way that only Krayonce could, and it's amazing–her delusions, her life, and her take on last week's premiere, apparently! Kenya starts, "Did you miss me? That’s a rhetorical question of course. Of course you did! LOL! Have you missed my twirls, my curls, and my Gone with the Wind fabulousness? I’ve had the time of my life over the past year. My life has changed in such a positive way, it’s been a dream. My love life has drastically changed and I am so close to having everything in life I’ve always wanted."

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rhobh-recap

Last night things were starting to settle in on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Everything that is except Carlton Gebbia who really cannot f–king deal with anyone and is over everything. Oh and Brandi Glanville's face – that's not settling either. She better watch it or she'll be turning into her arch-nemesis Adrienne Maloof!

Unfortunately the show began on a sour note. Poor Yolanda Foster is bravely taking us through her health journey battling Lyme Disease, which sounds horrible. I am seriously never going into the woods again. No, No, No!

Lemanda is undergoing surgery to remove a tube that sends antibiotics straight to her bloodstream and to celebrate she's doing a master cleanse instead of having a drink. I will never understand – pass me the alcohol! Gawd, do I sound like Brandi. #EpicFail. Even Yolanda's housekeeper is master cleansing and dividing all the lemonstrocity juice into a million Fuji bottles. Lemon does know how bad that is for the environment, right? 

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hip hop fight

Well, what do you know? Promises were kept on last night's Love & Hip Hop…although said promises caused some major blow-ups. Peter Gunz assured Amina Buddafly that he'd tell Tara Wallace about their relationship, and he does. Nya wants to keep her word to help out Erica Mena. Of course, that will certainly end well–everything with Erica always does!

After thwarting Amina's plans to tell Tara about her wedding to Peter, ol' Petey boy calls up Rich Dollaz for advice. They are having a meeting of the creeps, but just because Peter is a creep doesn't mean he's a bad person. He's just indecisive as to who he wants to have sex with on a regular basis. Speaking of creeps, Joe Budden is meeting with Nya at the strip club. They've developed a true friendship as only a stripper and hookah smoking patron can be. Professor Budden tries to dissuade Nya from collaborating with Erica Mena, but I am totally distracted by the dancer in the background whose arse is literally about to eat some gentleman's face. Thanks for the nightmares, VH1. Thanks a lot.

Peter stays true to his word for once and keeps his "tomorrow" promise to tell Tara about Amina. He invites her to come by the studio and halfway tells her that he's been diddling his artist for a little while. When she gets upset about the fact that he's cheating (yet again), he says she may need to shoulder some of the responsibility since the pair hasn't been getting along. Is he serious? She's slapping him every which way to Sunday before throwing his guitar and storming out of the studio. Tara feels so stupid for thinking that Peter had changed his cheating ways…as she should!

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bruce-kris

For goodness sake, Bruce Jenner, cut the cord already! Even though he and Kris Jenner have already confirmed their separation, he continues to allow her to use him to make herself look better in the public's eyes. It isn't going to work, Kris! 

No matter how much she promises the pair will be best friends (while publicly stating her regret at divorcing Robert Kardashian), Kris always has a selfish ulterior motive. I'm still going to think Kris a self-absorbed pimp momager and emasculating wife regardless how many awards she bestows upon Bruce.

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Tonight's reunion episode of Real Housewives of Miami spilled over onto Watch What Happens Live and things get a little messy, courtesy of Brandi Glanville and her unfiltered sass. 

During the Miami reunion episode, Adriana de Moura brought up the reports that Joanna Krupa played a part in ending the marriage between Yolanda Foster and Mohamed Hadid.  Joanna flat out denied having any involvement.  Andy played a clip during WWHL, and Brandi immediately called Joanna a liar.  

Brandi said what she knows is "Joanna had sex with Mohamed".  Is that what busted up the marriage? "It was one of many affairs.  But Yolanda and Mohamed are great now. It's just when I was with Yolanda at a party and Joanna started to walk up to us, we had to go."

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Brandi Glanville Lisa Vanderpump

This season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the tables are turning for Lisa Vanderpump. Meaning no one likes her. Rumor had it the isolation and ostracization became so intense Lisa was threatening to quit the show! No amount of money could get me to hang out with Splits! 

Lisa heartily denies the rumor, insisting. “If I quit, you will hear the words right out of my mouth or I have been fired.”

Furthermore she doesn't even know what she would quit, even if she wanted to! "There are all these rumors but there is nothing to quit. We are not in production — they don’t even start production until next year,” Lisa explained to E! Online. 

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