Reality Tea

Miley Cyrus

Photo Credit: Brian To/WENN.com

rhoc-recap-vicki-yelling

Last week on Real Housewives Of Orange County there was a fight to the death, or rather, grossly, a fight about death. Specifically if Brooks Ayers is hastening his or perhaps lying about having cancer.

While enjoying the splendors of Heather Dubrow‘s marvelous new mansion, Meghan Edmonds and Vicki Gunvalson exploded on each other in an insult-laden tirade that included tears, practical foaming of the mouth, and brutal accusations. 

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 Kim Richards

Kim Richards won’t be sitting any time in the county jail for her crazy drunken night at the Beverly Hills Hotel.  Her plea deal is being hashed out and so far, it includes zero jail time for the former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star.

The prosecutors offered Kim, who wasn’t in court, a deal that includes probation for three years, attending 52 AA meetings and 30 days of community labor.   And she can’t be caught near the Beverly Hills Hotel.  Kim’s plea deal isn’t 100% done yet, as there’s a glitch with the requested 30 days of community labor. Her attorney says she suffers from a foot injury and cannot do labor and would rather do community service. 

Jenelle Evans bikini

Jenelle Evans was one of the many reality TV stars who attended the Video Music Awards last night. Jenelle flew to L.A. last Friday for a few days of rest and relaxation (R&R instead of her normal A, B, & B – arrest, booking, and bail) before the big show.

In addition to the VMAs, the Teen Mom 2 star hit up the beach, Buca di Beppo, and the Playboy morning show. Jenelle shared pictures of her every move on Instagram, including one of her and her mom, Barbara Evans, enjoying drinks on the beach. “We are both kid free for once in our life!” said Jenelle. “Cheers!”

Kid free.. for once in her life.. she cannot be serious. Delusional, table for one. Check out Jenelle‘s pictures from L.A., including posing with Dr. Drew Pinksy, Blac Chyna, Jayden Smith, Amber Rose, and a few more at the Video Music Awards, below.

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Kelly Bensimon

Perhaps Kelly Bensimon misplaced her jewelry in the search for jelly beans, but the former Real Housewives Of New York star is on a desperate hunt to have her $50k worth of gems returned!

Kelly’s jewelry was nabbed last week while she was in Martha’s Vineyard attending an investors meeting to discuss a Fintech start-up opportunity, The black tote bag full of designer jewels was stolen from Kelly’s Escalade. Who the hell leaves a tote bag full of jewelry in a parked car?

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Is Lauren Manzo ready for marriage?

Last night on Manzo’d With Children the Manzo spawn were in for a rude awakening – particularly LaurenCaroline Manzo is concerned about Lauren facing the realities of Vito’s income bracket instead of Al and Caroline’s. She wants to prepare Lauren for real married life… by letting Lauren and Vito live at home forever? And Albie took one small step in defying mommy by giving his sexy ex-girlfriend Britt another chance despite Caroline and Lauren’s disapproval. Time for Caroline to cut not only the apron strings, but the Chanel purse strings as well! 

It’s morning in Manzo-land which means Caroline comes downstairs to a trashed kitchen and three lethargic kids standing around demanding breakfast. Lauren has been using the island as a makeup studio and Al’s credit card for everything – she’s never paid for gas in her life (and doesn’t think she should have to). Caroline rampages about how the kids don’t clean up and act like immature brats expecting her to do everything for them. What does she expect after all her microMOMaging. Caroline is especially pissed because she’s supposed to be going on a tennis date with Al. 

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dont be tardy kroy kim

So, a special thanks to Kim Zolciak Biermann, Kroy and crew for a much needed break from Miley Cyrus and the VMAs last night. I know, I know, I didn’t have to watch, but I couldn’t stop…until it was time for Don’t Be Tardy. Gracious pop culture can make me feel so incredibly old! Of course, I feel like I’m watching the reality show a 40-year-old Miley will have with her family as Kim answers their phone to hear four-year-old son cage yelling to open the “f@$%ing gate” so he and the nanny can get into the driveway. Kim scolds her oldest daughters for giving KJ a potty mouth as she jokes that she never swears in front of her young ones. Eye roll.

The family is getting ready for their annual vacation to Destin, Florida, but Kim is hoping for more glamorous locales once the twins get older….like Mexico. Chef Tracey (who loves to say things for shock value to make sure she gets more screen time) warns Kim of the rampant child organ black market in Mexico. Tracey swears she’s not making it up, but Kim quickly changes the subject to something more important…her wigs. How will they best transport her precious wigs to Florida? Shoe boxes is not the way to go…they need seat belts. Kroy suggests a U-Haul for the wigs, but Kim deems that “trashy.” 

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IF

I wasn’t going to watch, but God help me I did.  The MTV VMAs were a freak show of a mess tonight.  Terrible fashion, weed smoking overkill, and more of Miley Cyrus’s freaking boobs than we ever care to see again.   And seriously, Kim Kardashian, it’s time to rehire that stylist you fired.  Just say no to Kanye making your maternity fashion choices for you. 

I’m still reeling over what the hell I just watched. Kanye West was presented with the Video Vanguard award and babbled in the most awkward speech that never seemed to end.  In one breath he talked about setting a good example for daughter North, then admitted to smoking pot earlier in the night, and then at the very end he announced he’s running for President in 2020.  Oh the campaign fashions Kanye is already planning for Kim.