Reality Tea

2014 MusiCares Person Of The Year

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Day eight in the Couples Therapy house begins with group therapy with Dr. Jenn Berman. Today's topic is sex. So, naturally, I expect a full hour of sex tape shenanigans featuring Farrah Abraham.  Yeah, not so much.  The next two days of therapy revolve around Sada Bettencourt and Whitney Mixter and Ghostface Killah and Kelsey Nykole. ​

But first, we do hear a little bit from Jon Gosselin and Liz Jannetta, as well as Farrah. Taylor Armstrong is either too sober (and boring) or too traumatized (green towels) to score a speaking part this week. Whatever. Not hearing about Taylor and John's sex life is A-OK with me, especially since we have to revisit last week's drama, Jon masturbating.  On camera.  Like his Plus 8 aren't quite damaged enough already. 

Jon has changed his story. Last week, he was only scratching himself. (not that anyone believed) This week, he was planning a party for one. Kind of like, last month, Jon despised media attention. (not that anyone cared) This month, he's masturbating on VH1. The only constant coming out of Jon Gosselin's mouth – everything is Kate's fault. Forever butthurt, this one. Farrah, too. Literally.

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Kim Zolciak is ready to show off her post-baby body!  The mom of six, who gave birth to twins 3 months ago, says she is already bikini-ready, and it's all thanks to a rigorous workout schedule, diet pills, and no plastic surgery at all!

"I gained 50 pounds with the twins," Kim reveals to Life & Style. “I won’t get on the scale, but all my clothes fit again! I’m between a size 2 and a size 4.” Ummm… wellllll… no comment. 

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Carlton Gebbia continues to intrigue me. I mean, she's the wicked witch of double standards. She's disgusted by her Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast mates talking about sex and then lap dances on her MIL, does stripper pole lessons, and throws a Hustler party.

She doesn't want Kyle Richards asking about her religion, yet she talks about it all the time and puts spells on people. And she doesn't like Joyce Giraud for being fake and attention-seeking yet Carlton is allll about Brandi Glanville

In her most recent Bravo blog Carlton reflects on the episode and explains why Kyle is fake, Joyce is annoying, and she is the greatest living human in the world. 

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This season of The Bachelor is heating up as Juan Pablo Galavis starts downsizing his flock of desperate bachelorettes!

But of course any lady that goes on reality TV is opening herself up to scrutiny – and that means all the deep, dark secrets of her salacious or devious past revealed. 

Let's see who's in it to win Juan Pablo's heart – and who's probably got one too many tricks up her sleeves (can one store tricks in sleeveless rompers, bikini tops, or strapless cocktail dresses?). 

This week Juan Pablo eliminated Elise Mosca, allegedly a first grade teacher from PA, and Lauren Solomon, a composer who desperately tried to kiss him. And it turns out that those were the right choices! 

Before she was vying for roses, Lauren was engaged to Blake DuPlant, whom she met as a contestant on the game show Minute to Win It, unfortunately the wedding was abruptly canceled!

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This week Ramona Singer filed for divorce from her husband of 22-years Mario Singer

The Real Housewives of New York star reportedly did not want to divorce but as news of Mario's incessant cheating exploded Ramona felt she had no choice. Mario has been cavorting with 32-year-old Kyle "Kasey" Dexter; a personal trainer originally from MA who currently splits her time between NYC and The Hamptons. 

It turns out this isn't the first married man Kasey has been intermingled with and she has a slew of skeletons in her closet that are just dying to get out!

After getting a degree in Kinesiology from LSU and attempted modeling and acting, Kasey moved to NYC where she eventually found herself working as a personal trainer at the swanky gym La Palestra. After a heated affair with her boss – she was accused of being obsessed with him and checked into a mental hospital. Mario certainly does like the crazy ones! 

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I cannot believe I'm saying this but I actually somewhat agree with Kenya Moore – for once! I feel woozy and in need of a drink admitting this… 

In the wake of a diabolical episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kenya is giving her reaction to the dramatic fight between Apollo Nida and Brandon, but also discussing what went so wrong in her friendship to NeNe Leakes!

Throughout the course of her bravo blogKenya also repeatedly states that she's not a liar, but um… we all know that's not true, but her assessments of NeNe and Apollo are dead on. 

"I considered myself a friend and have always been respectful and supportive of NeNe on and off camera. I ignored all the warnings from the other ladies about how she turns on people she is threatened by or that she feels steals the spotlight from her. However, I give people the benefit of the doubt and had enjoyed becoming friends with her."

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Last night's Mob Wives was a lot more tricks than treats as friendships were tested and costumes were thrown by the wayside. Who needs to be dressed up as an actual person or thing when you can throw on black angel wings, red contact lenses, and a lace thong? 

​At Big Ang's house, Renee Graziano stops in share her recent showdown with Alicia diMichele Garofalo. Renee thinks that Alicia has been as fake as can be since the get-go. Meanwhile, in Philly, Alicia is telling her side of the story to Natalie Guercio. Renee's side of the story is much more dramatic than the actual event, but she tries to explain to Ang that there has always been something about Alicia she's disliked. Doesn't she understand that you don't throw around the term "rat"? Ang hopes that Alicia can learn to filter through all the gossip she hears.

Natalie has invited Alicia, Ang, and Drita D'avanzo to go to the pumpkin patch in preparation for Halloween. The women are scaring themselves silly in a haunted corn field. It's all in a day's work for Natalie since she works in a funeral home. Really it's just a bunch of fake dead bodies sprawled around everywhere. I could have also gone without with Natalie and Ang's sex ed lesson with gourds. Natalie invites the ladies to a Halloween party at her funeral home. She's going to set up a bar in an actual casket. "That's so cute" squeals Drita until she finds out the location. Natalie wonders if she should invite Renee, and Alicia believes that it's good for her friend to be the bigger person. 

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