You never know which Abby Lee Miller you're going to get when you tune in to Dance Moms. Will she be nice? Excited? Motivational? Nah, she just loves stirring the pot, causing rifts between the mothers, and planning for the downfall of Cathy and her Candy Apples. Perhaps she'll throw in some taxidermy along the way…
We begin, as always, with pyramid time. Thankfully, the girls are coming off a big win at last week's competition. Abby switches it up by starting at the top…and Maddie is right back where she's always been. On the next rung is an excited Paige. Kendall joins Paige for being third, which, according to Abby, is better than second. Chloe is in the next spot even though she's been consistent with her top notch dancing. Nia is first on the bottom for flying under the radar. She's good, but not great. MacKenzie follows with Brooke who didn't dance last week…per Abby's orders. Abby shocks her troupes by adding Asia to the bottom of the pyramid as the newest team member. Asia competed on Abby's other show, and Abby warns the mothers about running off another mom.
This week, the dancers are heading to Michigan, and Cathy and her Candy Apples will be in attendance. The group number is called "Return to Grace," and it focuses on reincarnation. MacKenzie and Asia will be sitting out the group number. Kendall, Maddie, and Chloe will be dancing a jazz trio. Asia is gifted the only solo. As Abby works on the group number, the moms (especially Jill) are curious to see what the new mom will bring to the table.
The second hour begins after Leah and Jeremy's courthouse nuptials. The couple can finally qualify for a joint loan on their dream home. Due to the added expenses, Leah wants to ask Corey for more child support…because he should totally help pay her mortgage. I kid, I kid, he needs to be supporting his daughters to the best of his ability. Leah's heard through the grapevine that Corey has gotten a raise, so she calls him to see if he's willing to modify their agreement without going through the courts. When he asks for her reasons, she offers up that he needs to pay more for the twins' clothing. He's willing to discuss it when they meet to trade off the girls.
First, Jacoby Jones and Zendaya Coleman are named king and queen of the Dancing with the Stars prom. With over two million Twitter followers, Zendaya's queen status was a given, but I thought for sure #bachelornation would rally behind Sean Lowe. Lo and behold, it appears as if there's a new shirtless bachelor in town! Woot!
By the way, Zendaya and Val Chmerkovskiy and Jacoby and Karina Smirnoff are also SAFE!
Some days we just skip writing up her story completely because as we're forming the post, 12 new things pop up. It's an impossible task and sometimes we just can't, there aren't enough hours in the day.
Case in point: today. We started to type up an article about Courtland heading to court next week to face the charges of domestic violence toward Jenelle. While we were formulating it, two more things happened. Actually many more than that, but we're limiting this nonsense to three news items today and I use the word "news" very, very loosely here. Let's work our way backwards, shall we?
Jenelle has been rushed to the hospital via ambulance this afternoon. As she has shared before, she suffers from ovarian cysts and has been hospitalized for them in the past. It looks like that may be what's happening again.
It's Prom Night on Dancing with the Stars, which means big hair, cheesy back stories, and Sean Lowe dressed as Huckleberry Finn. Oh boy. This is going to be a very long two hours. Host Tom Bergeron says, "This is no April Fool's joke – it's really prom night," and waste of space Brooke Burke-Charvet adds, "And yes, I really wore my hair like this." Nobody cares, Brooke.
To go along with the theme, a prom king and prom queen will be crowned on tonight's results show. The winning male star and female star, which will be decided by Twitter, will each receive two bonus points to add to their original scores. I fully expect Zendaya and Sean to take those honors. We shall see.
Aly Raisman and Mark Ballas
Viennese Waltz: The combination of counting music and pretending to be hot for Mark Ballas proves to be too much for Aly to handle this week. She thinks all of the pressure is going to make her head explode. Well, at least she'd be somewhat interesting, then. While Aly and Mark's dance seems to be technically okay, Aly's movements always come across as cold and forced to me.
Even Lisa Vanderpump was annoying me because she kept stooping to certain people's levels and getting bitchy and bickery with them. I want Lisa to be the bigger person and I'm sure this season has gotten to her and all the nonsense as taken its toll, but hopefully she hasn't gotten too big for her britches as the fan favorite. I don't want to start hating her next season. Just stay away from those Bitchards – they bring out the worst in everyone!
Things resume with the Richards sisters launching some sort of verbal bouncy-seat, finger pointing, hair swishing assault on the eternally composed Yolanda Foster. Good lord when those two start swinging their hair like Sweet Valley High rejects I secretly hope they lasso each other and end up in a spinning tornado floating off into space. I'm not sure why the powers that be at Bravo haven't made this happen. The ratings would be huge.