Reality Tea

southern charm patricia

It’s here y’all! Oh, how I’ve been waiting with bated breath for the return of Southern Charm. I’m auditing a class, and I kid you not, the professor reminded us to watch the premiere tonight. Of course, he then said he was joking and hoped that none of us would watch something that portrayed the Holy City in such an unholy manner, but I only heard the first part! It’s been far too long since I’ve gotten my T-Rav fix. Thomas Ravenel, he loves the taste of the finest bourbon and the smell of the best cocaine. The former politician is raising his infant daughter Kensington Calhoun with his much, much, MUCH younger girlfriend Kathryn Dennis. Despite Facebook break-ups and pool snafus, the couple is trying to make it work. Thankfully motherhood has tamed young Kathryn’s eyelashes. 

Cameran Eubanks is married to a doctor (surprise!), but she still wants to grow her business as a realtor. Shepard “Shep” Rose has enlisted her to find his palace (and not his Palace Hotel…but more on that in a second!), and the duo has found the perfect home for him to renovate (read: rebuild) on Charleston’s east side…where I live and work. Just a coincidence though, I swear! Although she once made a prediction that Shep would be married in two years, she’s come to the conclusion that his house won’t see a goldfish, much less a wife! Shep is proud of his restaurant/bar endeavor. Remember that investor who warned Whitney Sudler-Smith that opening so much as a hot dog stand with Shep would be a bad idea? Well, he can suck it. And speaking of hot dogs, the Palace Hotel serves up gourmet versions, as well as a mouth-watering watermelon ricotta salad and amazing cauliflower tacos. Ignore the barred windows and doors, they are just part of the neighborhood’s charm. 

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Stassi Schroeder reveals a sex tape; is fired from Vanderpump Rules

On part 2 of the Vanderpump Rules reunion we learned Stassi Schroeder does indeed have a sex tape, and NO – Jax Taylor (shockingly!) is not the man in possession of it. But he is in possession of a half-Stassi/half-Carmen tattoo (Stassmen?)! 

In fact, last night was awash in lost possessions. For instance, Stassi no longer has possession of Katie Maloney. Katie is officially out from under Stassi’s very busy self-pleasuring thumb. Naturally, Stassi doesn’t feel at all responsible since Katie is the one who “changed the rules” of their friendship by partying with the enemy. 

Stassi tells Katie over and over again why Stassi is upset about all the things that happened to Stassi which were upsetting and hurtful to Stassi and Stassi’s feelings really matter a lot to Stassi who was really going through a lot of things that were terrible for Stassi. It was all”I! I! I!” at the Stassi Schroeder Whine-a-thon (wine not included)!

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love hip hop diamond

Something was missing on last night’s Love & Hip Hop, but I can’t quite pinpoint what it was. Did any of the ladies in Rich’s harem of crazy decide he wasn’t worth it? Nope, that wasn’t it. Did we watch genuine story lines fraught with raw human emotions? Yeah, I’ll let you stop laughing before you answer that question. Oh, I know! Peter Gunz was nowhere to be found. Nailed it! 

Yandy Smith doesn’t understand why Mendeecees is taking an issue with her firing Remy. She won’t be disrespected by her fiancee’s employees, and he doesn’t understand how a firing equates to her having Kimbella jump his assistant. Yandy tries to explain that Remy was mouthing off, and she gives her best impression of how Remy reacted to being fired by her boss’ future wife. When she doesn’t win that argument, she changes the subject to their upcoming baby shower. She barely fares much better with that conversation.

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Kim Kardashian

Photo Credit: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

Asifa Mirza

Shahs of Sunset newbie Asifa Mirza claims “people” think she looks like Kim Kardashian. I am not one of those people. I don’t see the resemblance in any way, shape, or form.

“People tell me I look like Kim, but I don’t have her butt,” Asifa told Daily Mail. “I am built different. But I think she has an incredible figure, and so does most of the world. She has her own look that is special to her, and it works.” Most of the world? Um, I’m not one of those people, either. However I imagine Asifa‘s body is what Kim sees in the mirror when she chooses outfits which she thinks flatter her figure. But I digress.

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Stassi Schroeder Body English party white dress

Stassi Schroeder has a secret sex tape! On tonight’s Vanderpump Rules reunion she accuses Scheana Marie of trying to make it a storyline on the show – and being behind an unsuccessful plot to expose the “self-pleasure” sex tape to the media! 

Stassi has made no secret of the fact that she’s disgusted by her costars and former friends, but her reasons seem nebulous. However, in part 2 of the reunion, Stassi and Scheana erupt into a very nasty argument over Stassi trying to use the SUR staff, and her co-stars, as pawns to do her bidding and then casting them aside when they grow a backbone.

In the midst of the argument, Stassi shares just why she’s so hateful to Scheana – and throws Scheana’s argument in her face by accusing her doing the same exact thing when she tried to convince castmates to participate in leaking word of Stassi’s private masturbation sex tape. 

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Kyle Richards promotes Artsian Bistro a low-fat TV dinner

Kyle Richards is opening up about her “weight struggle,” which I presume led to a lifelong kaftan addiction? As a result of finally getting skinny the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills star is hawking diet meals – and cutting out the wine? For the calories of course, because dieting and drinking don’t mix. Could that be the title of Brandi Glanvilles next book?!

Lamenting that she’s always been plagued by excess pounds, Kyle complains about her curves. “I’m not someone who can eat whatever. I’ve always battled my weight,” Kyle admits. “I’m much curvier than my sisters. It’s always been my Achilles heel. The struggle is real!” 

Luckily, Kyle has found a solution in the form of Artisan Bistro, which has alleviated the need for Kyle to have a personal chef at dinner parties. Instead she can serve the “organic, non-GMO, low-calorie frozen meals!” Screw SUR, here’s a microwaveable quinoa salad. 

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Abby Lee Miller and Maddie Ziegler

Dance Moms has faced a ton of negativity the last couple seasons (along with dropping ratings) – all of it focused on how Abby Lee Miller treats her pre-teen dance students! There’s the lawsuits from Paige and her mom Kelly Hyland, the very public-leaving of fan favorite Chloe Lukasiak, rumors that Nia Frazier is on her way out next, and Abby constantly scrambling to keep girls on her team. 

However, Lifetime reportedly has no plans to stop the Abby Lee Monster! During a recent trip to Australia, where Abby wasn’t even wanted, she revealed season 6 is a definite. Abby and the girls are filming while in Down Under, and Abby hinted about recruiting new students for the ALDC. “Maybe season six will be an Australian Dance Moms,” she suggested says the Daily Telegraph.  

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