Chris Harrison is on hand, as well, to keep every single most dramatic rose ceremony running smoothly. Not on hand? Emily Maynard. She broke Sean's heart on the Bachelorette and, for the sake of my sanity, needs to stay far away from this season.
Sean has fully recovered from his heartbreak and is ready to try again on the Bachelor. Clearly, he's a fool. He says the idea of possibly meeting his future wife during this journey (drink up, my friends) is kind of exciting and kind of intimidating.
Sean adds, "I want the end result. I want to protect my woman. I want to love my woman. I want to honor her. I want to love her with everything I have, and I want to be the best possible man I can be for her. I want to be rich in love."
Because ABC doesn't completely hate me,Arie Luyendyk, Jr. stops by Sean's pad to help him prepare for what is to come. Mr. Holy Hotness schools Sean on how to properly kiss a woman: Eye contact. Use your hands. Touch her hair. Touch her face. Tease her with your tongue. No lizard tongue. Use your whole body. #coldshower
Curse you, Arie, for not signing up for this train wreck of a show solely for my entertainment.
When a Housewife show ends rarely does the drama go with it. Oh, no – they've got to prove they're worthy of another season, right? In the case ofReal Housewives of Miami there are two very different factions of women. There is TeamMarysol Patton and there is Team Karent Sierra. And to say these groups don't get along is an understatement. Warning – don't mess with Number 3!
Following 10-hours of fighting on the recent reunion where Bravo has the autonomy to cut whatever they want the girls are scrambling to do interviews and tell the real story. Let's get started!
Speaking to RumorFix, Karent is concerned about why everyone is so involved in her life. And she also thinks if people could just act their real age (instead of their mental one – hello High school!) the Housewives would have a whole lot less problems!
“The word bully got criticized [by Ana Quincoces on the reunion] saying bullies are just for kids,” Dr. Teeth complained to RumorFix ” There is no age limit for bullying. So the fact that Ana was like ‘Oh you shouldn’t be using that word’ — There is no age limit. People need to act their age and just respect everyone’s opinions.” Hey – I agree.
Lord have mercy! I sometimes think that Teen Mom 2 would be easier to watch if I didn't know what was going on with these girls' lives now. Jenelle Evans seems to be hitting rock bottom this season, but we know it only gets worse. Kailyn Lowry is now engaged even though on the show she's still pining over Jo after duping poor Jordan. Leah Messer is remarried with a third baby on the way (although I do like watching her and Corey try to work through their relationship…it helps me reconcile their divorce as being the best decision for both of them), and Chelsea Houska…well, she's still pretty much what you see is what you get…a lot of whining, feathers, and mascara!
Let's get to last night's episode, shall we? Why does Chelsea need to put on fake eyelashes to take her GED tests? I guess they take some of the focus off of those feathers. Aubree has a meltdown as her mom flies off in a bleached haze. Meanwhile Kailyn is leaving Isaac with Jo and his family so she can go to Texas to reconnect with some family. When she arrives in Austin, her cousin is there to meet her at the airport. Austin is definitely on my bucket list. Kailyn reveals that things are stagnant in Pennsylvania because she screwed herself out of a boyfriend.
While Jenelle is back on her bipolar meds, she is still having mood swings. She hopes that she's able to prove to mom Barbara that she's stable enough to be a positivie part of Jace's life. Jenelle shares with a friend that, like, you know, she thinks she may have moved in with Josh, like, you know, too soon. Um, you think? I mean, she waited a week after dating before taking the plunge! Now she realizes, like, you know, that he's totally immature and thinks everything is funny when it's not. Boys! Jenelle also wants to get back custody of Jace before her mom totally dominates his life. Barbara like wants to like raise him the way she thinks is best, you know? Why yes, it's called having his best interests at heart and not taking off to a Ke$ha concert instead of being a mom.
Let's discuss Vanderpump Rules, shall we. Or should I say The Stassi Schroeder Is Mean hour? Oh Stassi – she's such an angry little thing, isn't she. Vanderpump Rules is the tale of two delusional girls and their aspirations being far bigger than their aptitude. First up is Staaaaaasi, or queen of the blue micro minis.
Everyone's favorite descendent of a Swedish princess moved out to LA with the promise of stardom in her eyes. I mean after all , Stassi is like a 20th removed royal so naturally that should mean she'd arrive in Hollywood, announce: "Here I am!" and she'd be shoving Angelina Jolie off her pedestal, right? Unfortunately things didn't' work out that way.
Someone ought to tell Staaaaaaaaaasi that Swedish princess don't sling drinks – and they probably wear bras to work. I could be wrong as I'm only descendent of Scottish princesses and we always wear undergarments.
Bethenny Frankel is using twitter as a medium to communicate with her fans in the wake of her divorce from Jason Hoppy. In lieu of doing interviews, she's letting "sources" and the media make claims that this was a very hard decision for her and that she is in despair over ending her marriage.
One month after announcing her separation, she filed for divorce, and wasted no time in requesting full custody of daughter Bryn, child support, medical and dental insurance, and to be listed as a beneficiary on Jason's life insurance policy.
When the media and the public got wind of her demands the blogs and internet erupted with comments. And apparently Bethenny, who made a business of plastering her life all over the place on Bethenny Ever After, is frustrated by the reactions she's getting.
"I need a little break from unsolicited advice today. Let's all just lighten it up even if just for a few hours," she tweeted hours after the story broke.
Let's discuss the crafty editors on last night's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. So there they were with a whole huge storyline about how skanky Scheana Marie Famewhore pretended she had never heard of nor seen Eddie Cibrian before and participated in a two-year-long affair with him not knowing he was married to Brandi Glanville. I mean Eddie was unemployed, but karma is a bitch because he eventually left both Scheana and Brandi for LeAnn Rimes. And I would say Eddie lost on that gamble!
Other things happened last night. Bravo introduced us toTaylor Armstrong's boyfriend John Bluher. Way back in the day Taylor was telling us John was her pro-bono attorney on the $1.5M lawsuit she was battling against MMRGlobal. They were also "just friends." Friends with benefits, also known as an affiar. And then he just popped up on the screen attending a couple's night with Taylor, Kyle Richards, and Lisa Vanderpump. Wasn't that a coincidence. Sometimes – just sometimes – the Bravo editors don't do us injustice. Hey, it's once in a blue moon!
Things begin withFaye Resnick trying her darndest to become relevant. Yeah, we still don't like you – go away. Faye's face is like melted, globbed together wax. It's clear that with the friendship she shares with Adrienne Maloof, they also share a plastic surgeon. Karma is a bitch like that, I s'pose!
Until a personality transplant is an option, Farrah will always be "ugly" to me, and this latest news certainly hasn't helped improve my opinion of her.
Over the weekend, Farrahblogged about Sophia's unibrow, writing, "So here I am faced with a standout historical moment in motherhood when I can confirm to myself that my little, adorable, most cuddle-able cutie, baby girl has a Unibrow. I felt bad for her."