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Well last Monday's episode of Real Housewives of New York was a treat wasn't it? It had fights, alleged anal sex, bikini grinding, nudity, cougar pawing, drunken antics – and yeah, nope – It wasn't a porno!

Anyway, one person (besides myself) who hasn't recovered from the horrors is Aviva Drescher who showed up on St. Barths with her temper set to 11 (10 points for anyone who gets the Spinal Tap reference). Speaking to The Huffington Post, Aviva shares her perspective on the incidents months later. And she's still pissed! 

"I’m alive to talk about it,” Aviva jokes. “We do more filming, and on vacation that microphone never comes off. There was a lot of drugs, sex and rock 'n' roll.” DRUGS?! Where? Who? What? DETAILS, please! Apparently, Aviva is not willing to share, claiming nothing "illegal" was consumed. 

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Ahhh… Real Housewives of New Jersey. Never  a dull moment. And never one where I don't need earplugs. Yesterday Melissa Gorga paid a visit to Ryan Seacrest's radio show where she debuted her new single "I Just Wanna…" Oh, the fetes of autotune and audio editing. Amazing, no? I mean I could probably make a hit and I sound like my bassett hound howling when I sing. 

Anyway, Melissa tells Ryan: “I’m really excited about this one. I love it, it’s my absolute favorite. I think I have a hit here. There’s a male vocal that comes in on it…I’ve been looking for an opportunity to do something where a male vocal would come in."

Melissa collaborated with Santino Noir who sings on the track. And she also shot her first music video. Somehow I imagine a lot of discount Brittney Spears-esque grinding circa 2002? "I just shot an amazing video for it that’s going to be released next week. So, I’m just excited about the whole thing,” Melissa gushes. 

You can hear a clip of I Just Wanna… below. It hits iTunes September 9th! I know what I'm saving my money for… 

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You know the old addage…another day, another Kardashian spin-off.  The newest rumor swirling is a show centered around everyone favorite dressing alike couple, affectionately known as Kimye.  Don't you all want to watch the cameras follow Kimmie and Kanye West as the sisters take their Kardashian Kollection across the pond?

While I think he's a arrogant jackleg with a Napolean complex, doesn't Kanye has a pretty successful music career he needs to tend to instead of downgrading to the world of reality television?  Of course, if Kimmie and pimpmomager Kris Jenner can't agree on the tone of the show, he may not have to make that dreadful decision.

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Searching for stability, searching for sobriety… a whole lot of searching… and that, my friends, is how Dr. Drew Pinsky sums up the final season of Teen MomThen he welcomes Farrah Abraham, Maci Bookout, and Catelynn Lowell to the reunion special. Amber Portwood is at summer camp and unable to attend the taping. 

When Dr. Drew glosses over Amber's absence, I know that this was taped a while back. I mean, "legal and personal issues" and "voluntary five-year prison term" aren't even in the same ballpark. If the "reunion show" isn't going to be taped in real time, I think it's kind of pointless. 

Before we get into the meat and potatoes of the reunion, ha, who am I kidding? It's Dr. Drew. Let me start again.

Teen Mom Series Finale Recap

Before we get into the limp lettuce and soggy potatoes of the reunion, Dr. Drew reminds us what happened this season on Teen Mom, as if it isn't already permanently burned into our brains. (I'll show you my scar tissue, if you show me yours.) Alas, the highlights…

Amber and Gary Shirley fight. Amber enters rehab after she threatens suicide. Rehab takes away Amber's fake eyelashes and spray tan but not her drugs. Amber goes home. Amber and Gary fight. Gary gets sole custody of Leah.

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Oh, Tareq Salahi – we're not rid of you yet! And surprisingly we haven't seen you on Lockdown yet. The former Real Housewives of DC star is staging a comeback. Unfortunately. He's going to be on Judge Judy! No just kidding… it's way worse… 

According to RumorFix, Tareq is the star of a new documentary called In It To Win It about, of all things, his attempt to become Governor of Virginia. Remember that little publicity stunt? Well apparently it's paying off! 

Starting September 16th, Documentary Producer John Campbell is set to chronicle Tareq's attempt to infiltrate politics – the legal way. Apparently the documentary has no political affiliation or motivation and is classified as a "human interest story." Which is funny because I have ZERO interest in the human that is known as Tareq. 

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Last night's Dance Moms saw the entire troupe getting to compete in solo numbers, as Abby has decided that this one dance will determine who gets the spotlight at Nationals.  No need to factor in all of their other performance, right?

After last week's competition in California, the troupe will be staying on the West Coast to compete again.  Abby Lee Miller applauds her dancers for being such polite young ladies to Nikaya and little Kaya, who are notably absent from the pyramid.  However, she tells the mothers they weren't nearly as kind or mature as their daughters, and they managed to run off yet another potential dancer.  Isn't that always the case?  Kendall is at the bottom of the pyramid, but she's glad to at least be back on the team.  Paige joins her, and while Abby thought she did great, she wasn't dancing full out because of her injury.  Brooke and Maddie round out the bottom…Brooke for being off-beat and Maddie for blending in with her teammates during the group routine.  Nia is on the second tier.  Abby thinks that Nia did a great job on her solo, but she needs to work on her technique.  Chloe joins Nia, with MacKenzie in the top spot.  She's beaming.

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Photo Credit: Nikki Nelson/WENN

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to manipulate the media over a random Twitter war lawsuit.  I never thought I'd write those words.  Of course, I never thought that LeAnn Rimes would become such an attention seeker by way of her affair and marriage to Real Housewives of Beverly's star Brandi Glanville's ex-husband.

LeAnn, who recently entered a thirty day treatment center for anxiety, is now embroiled in a lawsuit with a teacher and mother of six due to a Twitter battle between pro-Brandi followers and pro-LeAnn followers.  The singer (former singer?) filed a suit against high school teacher Kim Smiley for invasion of privacy after Kim allegedly recorded a phone conversation between herself and LeAnn regarding Brandi.

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