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Dear ladies of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,

Smearing a bunch of concealer on your lips is not cute – it's disturbing. Just as wearing "suntan" pantyhose is not cute. Why do you want to look lip-less? Especially when you've surgically enhanced them already?

I'm beginning to think that Bravo's wealthiest zip code is about to need a MAC Cosmetics intervention. Let's get the stars of RuPaul's Drag Race in there and show these girls how it's done. Adrienne Maloof, Yolanda Foster, and Taylor Armstrong – I am looking at you. 

On the bright note, Splits Richards only wore ONE caftan-y garment last night. That's like some kind of reality TV milestone, right?

Also what think you of the intros. I thought they were all cute, HOWEVER Taylor's about 'working too hard for this zip code' was not appropriate in my opinion. 

So let us begin… Lisa Vanderpump levitates above these ladies like the fabulous beacon of pink glow that she is. She is the goddess of this bunch, like Glenda The Good Witch on Wizard of Oz. And now she has moved to a fabulous new home – far more chic than her old overblown digs. That closet. Her glow-y, plush bedroom. I really wish Lisa would adopt me and then I could throw away all her pink satin blouses embellished by Pandora's bedazzler and we'd be one big happy, wine-sipping family. 

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I'm curious as to whether ladies in the housewives franchise ever just want to go back to a simpler, obscure neighborhood existence.  Most of them love to complain about how poorly they are portrayed on various seasons, yet they return for more toxic drama.

Of course, I'm not complaining.  Sometimes it's hilarious to watch grown women wearing skintight clothing and gaudy jewelry scream at each other and spew insults, and no one does it better than the original ladies of the O.C.  Real Housewives of Orange County has just started filming its eighth season, and rumor has it that the longest running housewife Vicki Gunvalson will be back!

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Last night on RuPaul's All Stars Drag Race a surprise elimination took place as we headed into the final three. Synergy really whips through 'em fast, doesn't it? 

For the mini challenge the sometimes ladies had to go back to their roots – manhood. Ru challenged them to a butch guy photoshoot. If you imagined it was sort of a mess, you were right. Manila Luzon shoved a banana in her pants. Chad Michaels looked like "Burt Reynolds and Cher had a baby," according to Jujubee.

Those photos were TERRIBLE! Poor Latrice Royale lamented about how she has difficulty feeling sexy as a man – or a woman. 

In the end Yarlexis was able to snag the sexy real men photo win, which isn't saying much. 

For the main challenge Ru requested the girls punk the public. Dressed in drag they had to play a little game called "Queens Behaving Badly." Ru carted them all over to Hollywood Blvd where they had to harass tourists and the like into doing ridiculous pranks called upon by their partners through an ear piece. Each prank had a score. It was sort of a street-side variety show and it was kind of interesting but sort of low-brow. 

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In the wake of Hurricane Sandy, MTV and the cast of Jersey Shore are teaming up to raise money for Seaside Heights. Architecture for Humanity, a non-profit organization that specializes in rebuilding communities after natural disasters, will work with MTV to help "repair and revitalize" Seaside Heights.
 
MTV announced the one-hour fundraising event yesterday. Restore the Shore will air live on Thursday, November 15 at 11:00 p.m. EST. The special will feature the Jersey Shore cast, SammiSnooki, PaulyVinnyJenniMikeRonnie, and Deena, as well as other (to be announced) celebrities. Viewers will be able to donate online or via text.
 
MTV: "The fundraiser will focus primarily on providing relief to Seaside Heights – the town and its residents have been nothing but gracious over the years, and now it's time to return their kindness and generosity."
 
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Jackie Christie is starting to get wise to Laura Govan's evil ways!  Last night's Basketball Wives LA involved–you guessed it!–lots of meeting up for chit-chats and a certain lady at the center of all the drama.  I wonder who that could be!  Bambi, Laura, and Malaysia Pargo join Jackie on a trip to Seattle, while Draya Michele and Brooke Bailey try to keep their distance.

The show begins with Chantal and Takari being ambushed by the therapist.  Takari is in tears, and Chantal reminds her mother that while she provided everything for her girls, it was their grandmother who served as the mother figure.  Jackie doesn't want to hear any of it.  Chantal wants her mother to take responsibility for their past relationships, but Jackie is totally on the defensive.  She thinks her daughters are being mean and throwing false accusations at her.  The girls leave after Jackie refuses to shoulder any of the blame for their relationship troubles.  Doug tries to placate the girls in the driveway, but they are both over trying to make things work with someone who won't acknowledge any mistakes.  Back inside, Jackie apologizes to the therapist for having to listen to her disrespectful daughters spew lies.  The therapist is smart enough to know that she just needs to keep her mouth shut.  Could Jackie be any more delusional?

Brooke is waiting on Gloria Govan to meet her for lunch when she reads that Matt Barnes is in trouble with the law for his multiple traffic violations.  She calls Gloria who won't be able to make it to lunch…which I guess is a good thing given that there's a half-eaten pizza in front of Brooke.  She clearly wasn't waiting.

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Happy Election Day, dear readers! Since everyone is in a voting state of mind we decided to have a little fun on this ever-so important day.  Reality TV stars are always campaigning for favoritism (and sometimes buying their fans on twitter), so we got wondering, what stars could we – in our wildest dreams – see make it to the White House?

So cast your ballot for one of these fair candidates below. And remember this is all in fun so keep it funny, snarky, and apolitical! 

1. Caroline Manzo: She ruled Real Housewives of New Jersey with an iron fist – until Teresa Giudice went rogue!

2. Kris Jenner: The pimpmomager is a PR machine who is constantly juggling a thousand things. Plus, the Keeping Up With The Kardashians folks have as many skeletons in their closet as any good politician. 

3. Abby Lee Miller: She will frighten and intimidate foreign leaders into staying in line – or else! 

4. Donald Trump: Our national embarrassment (that hair!) might as well take it all the way. Plus, he could hopefully pay for his own campaign. 

5. Shaunie O'Neal: The HBIC of Basketball Wives knows how to dodge flying wine bottles, flinging insults, and a whole host of unruly people with a half-smile. I think she could whip congress into shape without so much as smudging her lipstick! 

[Photo Credit:Caroline Torem Craig/ WENN.com ]

CAST YOUR VOTE BELOW!

 

If there's one word that isn't in Brandi Glanville's vocab, it would have to be "sugar-coated".  One of the things I adore about Brandi's sassy style is that she just says whatever is on her mind.  She doesn't worry about being PC, nor does she care that others will get ticked at her.  Brandi doesn't hide a single thought.

A perfect example is her most recent interviewBrandi let it all hang out – addressing her issues with Taylor Armstrong and Adrienne Maloof, explaining how hard it was to get used to the craziness of the show and more!

Brandi says that the drama on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is the real deal.  Including the infamous "Games Night" episode last year when Kim Richards hid her crutches.  Brandi says nobody could help her out of that situation.  "I’m still scarred from that night. When I watch that scene, I get knots in my stomach, because I remember how horrible it was. I was crying at one point (during filming), and I remember one of the producers—you can’t break the wall, but there are producers everywhere—and I was like, I just want to leave, can someone get my crutches? And his face, he couldn’t do anything. I wasn’t used to it yet, so I didn’t know, like, no one could do anything. I was like, get me the f*** out of here."

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Photo Credit: Nikki Nelson

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