Don't you love a good twist? Like a super dishy one? Well last night on Vanderpump Rules we got one!
Let's just cut to the chase – Jax Taylor admitted to banging Kristen Doute, not once – but twice! Oooooohhhhweeeee boy. And one of those bangs happened whileTom 1 (as in Kristen's boyfriend – the she's been freaking out over his cheating all season) was In. The. Next. Room. Say it with me now: escándalo! ES-SCAND-DAL-O!
Of course, one Stassi Schroeder, whose middle name is vendetta and whose first name is legally insane, is furious. She decides it's time to destroy Kristen's life as revenge. Isn't having the whole world know you banged Jax enough?! Apparently not! First order of business: gifting Kristen with a dildo dipped in acid to destroy her insides. Is this woman working for the Taliban yet?! North Korean dictators? I think I found her calling!
But what of Jax, you ask? What terrible fate befalls him? Well, for his honesty he is accepted into the group; folded in like a big ol' piece of cheese wrapped between two buttery warm pieces of bread. Finally – FINALLY – Jax has realized honesty really is the best policy. He gets all the attention he craves and a gold star for truth telling. Are you rolling your eyes? I so am! Apparently Jax is a dirty dog and he can't help his wandering peen, but Kristen she's supposed to be one of Stassi's revolving best friends.
Things begin at Carlton's house, which looks like it sits in an abandoned lot outside the airport. There's no landscaping which sucks if you're inviting a zillion people to a daytime pool party in JULY. I know why Carlton's skin looks like a dehydrated orange peel!
The whole theme of this party is "Americana" except… all the decorations came from Hustler and Carlton wore a sequined bikini from a 1992 Victoria's Secret catalog. And there were no shade tents – we Americans really like covered pavilions. Carlton ships her kids away to their grandmother's and warns them she may embarrass them, which is the understatement of Carlton's appearance on this show. Everything she does is embarrassing!
She may be the new girl on VH1's Love & Hip Hop this season, but Amina Buddafly, aka Mrs. Pansky, has certainly learned how to work the rumor mill to keep her name in the press. It's as simple as a "no comment."
Amina, who secretly married Peter Gunz and then sat cluelessly by as he continued to bed his ex of twelve years Tara Wallace, is not speaking out (but not really) on the gossip that she's pregnant with Peter's baby. How many kids does that man have?
Kyle thinks Carlton should practice what she preaches and be a little more zen and loving, "When Carlton greeted Joyce and made that face behind her back, I really thought "OK, enough already!" It made me feel bad for Joyce. She comes to a party she's invited to, with a smile on her face and the hostess acts disgusted to see her. Carlton's rude comments and unprovoked attacks have grown old. She is a walking, talking contradiction. She preaches loving all Gods' creatures, not liking drama, not being judgmental, always giving people the benefit of the doubt (clearly not with me), and not putting labels on someone. . .Then her actions are the exact opposite of what she is always preaching about."
It's going down I'm yelling "timber!" on Love & Hip Hop as of late. Thankfully, last night marked the end of an extra long season, and man, was it messy! It begins with Erica Mena and Cynshopping for Cyn's pooch and rehashing Rich Dollaz' bad behavior at Erica's book launch. Why can't they all just get along, whines Erica…she just wants Rich and Cyn to be able to be cordial. While Cyn still finds "Bitch Dollaz to be corny as hell" (love it!), she agrees to play nice if he will. Meanwhile, Tara Wallace and Yandy Smith are shopping, and can I say how wonderful Yandy's hair looks? The bob is so sleek. Tara shares Peter Gunz' visit, and she's ready to move on after his apology. Yandy surprises her friend by offering her a role in her new movie.
Rich and Peter are meeting for dinner so that Rich can boo hoo about Erica and Cyn. He reveals that he and Erica have been doing the hippity dippity for the past week and making up for lost time. If Cyn runs her mouth to Rich at Erica's showcase, he has major plans to spill that little secret. He's so klassy. Peter knows that the Erica's show is going to be big…she's got quite a following, even if they are ratchet.
What the hell? Why is Nick Cannon making a cameo? Does he owe Mona money? Peter is seeking advice from Mr. Mariah Carey about his love triangle with Amina and Tara. Nick gives good advice, but I still feel badly that he had to make an appearance on this circus. Isn't Peter old enough to be his dad?
Can I get an "Amen?" There is going to be a lot more pizzazz from the pulpit now that Oxygen's finally got a hit on its hands! Preachers of L.A. is slated to return with its gaggle of prosperity preachers and their mansions, private jets, bodyguards, and fleets of luxury cars.
This news is fine by me. While I'll be stuck watching some of the sleazier ministers, I can't get enough of Pastor Jay Heazlip and the smooth walking, jive talking Bishop Ron Gibson. Don't even get me started on how entertaining their gaggle of first ladies is!
Bachelor couple Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici were married last night in a live Bachelor Wedding special on ABC. Sean cried. (a lot) I cried. (a little) Sean's father, Jay, officiated the ceremony. According to Catherine, "grown sexy" was the theme and "very romantic" was the mood.
Catherine looked stunning in her Monique Lhuillier gown!!