Calling any reality television casting agents and the rulers of all messy canned drama (Mona? Andy Cohen?)–I promise if I’m ever paid copious (or not so copious) amounts of money on a reality show, I won’t blow said fortune on tanning beds (I’m looking at you, Situation!) or Ed Hardy. I’ll pay down my student loans and maybe buy a car that isn’t over a decade old. Granted, I’d be boring as all get out to watch, but I do have some entertaining friends. I certainly wouldn’t run through whatever money the reality gods wanted to pay me only to continue digging a deeper financial hole for myself. Pinky swear!
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’d strive to be the exact opposite of Jon Gosselin. After the success of Jon & Kate Plus 8 followed by a nasty divorce from Kate, the two competed for fame whoredom, and blew through their money in the meantime. While Kate seems back on track with Celebrity Apprentice and Kate Plus 8 Jon just can’t get his bank account on point.
It was a kitchen battle royale for some reality stars last night on the Food Network. Chopped featured four of reality’s finest competing for $10,000 for their favorite charity in a challenge that featured vegetable cream cheese, biscuit dough, and cherry pie filling…hopefully not all in the same dish!
So last night on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills we all got to play amateur psychologist as we tried to figure out what the heck is wrong with Kim Richards. Leading the charge were our bright-eyed and intrepid newbies Eileen Davidson and Lisa Rinna, eager to make a change, eager to help where help is not wanted. As they are about to learn the Richards Sisters are content and complicit in their dysfunction!
Brandi Glanville is on a 21-day cleanse under the tutelage of Yolanda Foster. That means no alcohol, no sugar, but totally Xanax! A girl can’t give up allll her vices. Yolanda is apparently captaining the Beverly Hills chapter of the Save-A-Hoe Foundation and she thinks yoga is gonna teach an old bitch new tricks. Nice try, but dangling a hot yoga instructor in front of a gal’s face is no way to reshape a behavior – but it’s not like it says NO MEN on this cleanse. Like I said, a girl can’t give up allll her vices! Xanax & Dating?
For everyday Brandi doesn’t drink is Yolanda is gonna give her one almond chip? BTW: Brandi is only doing this cleanse to prove to the other girls she’s not an alcoholic.
It’s safe to say that Dance Moms has hit an iceberg with Abby Lee Miller at the helm. It’s the girls final week in Los Angeles, and Abby’s eye make-up is shiny and overdone and her hair is sprayed sky high, so some may say she’s back to normal. Abby announces that Maddie is absent as she’s guest starring on Disney’s Austin and Ally. She’s brought in two girls to hopefully fill her void. Well, looky, here…it’s Tracey’s daughter Sarah and Brynn and her mom Ashley. Both ladies are Kira’s nemeses from her former studio.
In the pyramid, Nia is on the bottom since she wasn’t allowed to compete. JoJo is fifth since she placed fifth in the competition and sometimes acts like a five-year-old. Ouch. Jessalyn interrupts to talk about how good her daughter performed. Abby remind them both that JoJo failed to watch the movie Carrie as instructed. Um, if I didn’t say it last week, I’m saying it now…that movie is far too scary for someone that age. When JoJo retorts that she didn’t want to be scared in her hotel room, Abby rips her picture of the pyramid. Jessalyn yells that her daughter deserves to be on the pyramid. Wrong word choice! Abby shrieks that JoJo deserves nothing, and JoJo fights back tears. Abby screams that she will not have crying children in her studio, and JoJo responds that if Abby is going to yell at her, she’s probably going to cry. Of course, this gets poor JoJo banished. Melissa notes that none of the other ALDC girls would be crying like that. I think they should be more concerned that their girls are belittled and treated so badly that they no longer have tears left!
Brandi Glanville restauranteur? Apparently she wants to be! With her new-found bestseller money, Brandi says she asked now former friend Lisa Vanderpump if she could be an investor in her restaurant PUMP, but was turned down! I guess the Vanderpump-Todds were worried that Brandi’s investment capital would quickly be nullified by her showing up at the bar and demanding the owners special!
The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills star said she’s considered getting into the restaurant business for a while, so with Lisa and KenTodd opening PUMP, it seemed like a convenient opportunity! “I’ve always wanted to have a restaurant,” Brandi shared. “I actually offered to be an investor in PUMP when she first opened PUMP, and she didn’t want me to be an investor.”
GTL? More like GTLol! Life may not be fair, but Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino’s skin is likely to be very fair given that fact he no longer has unlimited access to tanning beds! It’s a sad day for the former Jersey Shore star indeed.
In September of last year, Mike and his brother Marc were charged with tax fraud. Specifically, the troubled reality star was accused not only of failing to pay the state of New Jersey the full tax amount on $8.9 million in earnings, but also of filing fraudulent returns to make it look as if he had. In case you forgot (or totally missed it the first go-round…who could blame you?), Mike blamed his brother who he claimed managed his money and kept him in the dark about such matters.
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Lisa Vanderpump is no stranger to drama on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills but after being the recipient of all the mayhem last season, she is happy to return to her role as witty commentator on all things Housewives! Most of the times…
Admitting that last season was “horrible,” Lisa says it is difficult to understand main perpetrator Brandi Glanville‘s motives – and she definitely hasn’t forgotten the misdeeds (no matter what Kyle Richards wants to pretend!). “They threw everything at me last year, the other women,” Lisa reflects. “It was nasty and it was mean-spirited.”
Lisa confesses to remaining confused about Brandi’s behavior – and her troubling relationship with Kim Richards. “I don’t have any understanding of her [Brandi] motives in any situation ever,” quips Ms. Vanderpump.