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Dance Moms: Miami, you never disappoint.  After a good showing in Michigan last week, Victor and Angel are focused on Nationals.  It’s time for the list!  Jessi has moved her way up from the bottom of the list to the top.  Kimmy scores second due to her technical skills.  However, they want to see more emotion in her dancing.  Lucas is safe in third, and Hannah places fourth.  Debi is beyond thrilled to see that Hannah has beaten Sammy.  Victor is quick to tell the young girl that he thinks she should have been last as she didn’t trust her partner.  Angel thinks that Hannah had a rough week and worked hard.  Sammy is confused as to why she’s at the bottom, and while Victor thought she should have garnered fourth, her mother’s lack of respect for questioning their choreography lands her in last place.

The group is heading to Orlando.  Jessi and Hannah will have solos, and Kimmy and Lucas dance a duet.  The week’s theme is “survival,” so this should be good.  Sammy is relegated to just performing in the group dance.  The children tell Victor and Angel which animals they would be if they lived in the wild.  Back in the mom room, Abby is appalled that they women were chastised in front of their children.  Debi agrees…Hannah’s behavior was picture perfect during rehearsals for the duet.  Furthermore, Debi never threatened to pull Hannah from the duet.  Abby continues that she was perfectly happy seeing the girls dance together.  Her main concern is that the girls didn’t have enough time to practice because Victor stormed out of rehearsal.  Brigette is beyond exhausted of listening to the women pretend they were happy with the duet.  They hated the fact their daughters were forced to dance together.  We all remember…it was just last week!

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County I finally was able to see discernible evidence that Briana Wolfsmith is indeed Vicki Gunvalson‘s daughter. Last night, there were boobs and people acting like boobs, there was wine and people whining, and there was cheese and Brooks Ayers and well…it doesn’t get anymore cheesy than him! I don’t even know what to say about that one – except he isn’t dabombdotcom!

Things began with Vicki and Tamra Barney shopping for new bras. Tamra is excited to get sized for her new titties and is completely disheartened to learn she’s still a D. Apparently European sizes are failing her. whaaa-whaaa. Even more upsetting, Vicki is a DOUBLE F. Yes, FF! For Freaking Frazy!

Vicki and Tamra are in a tizzy until they see how sensational their boobies look in the new bras. Vicki scoffs that she hates really huge boobs, which is why she chastised Tamra for getting a reduction?

Tamra races over to the bridal lingerie section and practically bellows, ‘LOOK VICKI – FOR BRIANA!’ while Vicki is like, ‘shhhhh shhhhhhhhh – I don’t want anyone to know! I’m so embarrassed!’ Tamra reveals Vicki has told her about Briana’s elopement and she understands why Vicki is upset. Then Vicki starts freaking out about how HER life is ruined because SHE doesn’t get to throw a wedding or a shower or buy a dress. And the wedding is about HER! Tamra worries Briana may have made a mistake.

Vicki intones that if she doesn’t support Briana, she will lose her so she has to pretend she is OK with these surprise nuptials. Even though she wants to strangle Ryan – but only once she convinces him to get an insurance policy in Briana’s name. Ok, I made that last part up. Vicki would never strangle anyone. Coto Insurance providing your family and loved ones with IRAs and all your insurance needs!

I can understand Vicki‘s point; a wedding, whether anyone wants to admit it or not, is more than just the bride and every mother does want to plan a dream day for her daughter. Perhaps Vicki is shell-shocked, but I do think she’s over-reacting just a tad. Especially since Briana told her she did in fact want a wedding. Vicki needs to pay a visit to her shrink, get a Xanax Rx and go sit by the pool for a while downing some WinesbyWives approved libations. Then when she’s ready to act normal-ish she can return to society and be supportive.

Moving on, Slave Smiley is strapping on some spandex – hot (not!) – and going for a bike ride with Gretchen Rossi‘s dad. One needs a full-on racing ensemble to cruise around the local park? Good to know… Slave has something very, very important to ask Papa Rossi.

Gretchen is also preparing – she’s been doing so since 8am when she woke up and it’s now lunchtime. She’s getting ready for lunch with Tamra. Good lord – how long do you think Gretchen spends applying make-up and styling her hair each day? It must be in the double digit hours. It takes a lot of time to look that cheap! Gretchen has something to talk to her new bestest friend and closest confidante about.

And she hopes Tamra and Slavey will become close as well. When hell freezes over, friend, when hell freezes over. And ironically that’s about when Gretchen is going to shimmy into a big white dress and waltz down the aisle to bid her ‘I Dos!’ to Slave!

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Teresa Giudice may have been fired on last Sunday’s Celebrity Apprentice, but the reality star will be back she assures us. Teresa will be returning to help the final three with their finale challenges.

Teresa confirmed the news in her most recent Bravo Blog, but RadarOnline is also confirming that the reality mogul will be returning to the show. And apparently the Trumps continue to be impressed with Teresa’s business sense, despite the public debacles in her personal life.

“People underestimated Teresa, she is a lot smarter than people realize and she has always used that to her advantage,” Teresa an insider shares. “Teresa has a college degree and was a successful business woman before joining Housewives, she knows exactly what she is doing.”

“There is a reason why Teresa is the only Housewife on the New Jersey franchise with a brand that spans multiple product categories and there is a reason Mr. Trump selected her for Celebrity Apprentice, she is very smart,” the source adds.

Teresa, herself, calls the show a “great experience” – unlike that other reality show she’s on! “Mr. Trump has really helped me take my business to the next level,” she adds. And Teresa insists she gets along well with all her castmates. Unlike that other reality show she’s on. “We really didn’t take anything personally. Debbie [Gibson] and I keep in touch and we are doing great,” Teresa shares. “Lisa [Lampanelli] and I have also forged a friendship, we all became very close on this show.”

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Real Housewives of Orange County stars Vicki Gunvalson and Tamra Barney launched their new ‘Wines By Wives’ venture, which is a wines-of-the-month style club, last night in Hollywood.

The event brought out various Bravolebrities, but not their RHOC cast mates! Also missing…Vicki’s mysterious has-anyone-figured-out-yet-what-he-does-for-a-living beau, Brooks.

Below: Shahs of Sunset star Mike Shouhed, Ashley Hebert, Jeff Lewis, Jenni Pulos, Heather McDonald, Shayne Lamas, Jessica Hall, Dana Wilkey and more!

[Photo credit: FayesVision/WENN]

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On last night’s 16 and Pregnant, we are introduced to a couple who wasn’t a couple.  The two had a few hook-ups before learning they were expecting.  However, the pair managed to defy most odds (after an early-on freak out by mohawked dad) to become a loving, self-sufficient couple with a newborn.

Hope Harbert is from Lee’s Summit, Missouri where she lives with her mom and two younger siblings.  She fancies herself a party girl who has just graduated from high school.  She met Ben, who also enjoyed going out, and after hooking up a few times, Hope found out she was pregnant.  She actually got pregnant the first time she ever had sex.  When Hope told Ben about the impending baby, he said he wanted nothing to do with her or his child.  Hope reveals to her mother she lost her virginity to Ben, and although they only had sex a couple times, they never used protection.  Her mother is very disappointed, but she is supportive.  After two months of no contact, Ben has a change of heart and invites Hope to come move in with him before the baby is born.  She thinks that is the best idea for the new couple.  Of course she does.  When will these girls learn?

After chatting with her friends, Hope admits that she thinks Ben will be a good dad even if he’s not a good boyfriend.  Her folks have never met Ben, and her mother is beyond perplexed that her daughter is in this situation having never had a boyfriend before.  Ben isn’t quite ready to meet her fam, so he only comes by to visit when no one is home. Winner!  Ben has gotten a new apartment, and he is willing to move in all the baby stuff.  However, he’s not keen on moving in Hope’s belongings.  Ben is quick to let her know that she’s welcome to spend the night whenever she wants.  What a charmer.  He also admits that he was frightened off from her when he found out she was a virgin who got pregnant after only having sex the first time.  Perhaps he missed the day in sex ed when you learn that anytime you have sex you can get pregnant…you don’t have to practice for months before it can happen.

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Do you think Kim Kardashian would have gone through with her sham wedding had she known the divorce would not only out-last the nuptials but also threaten to destroy her kimpire? Probably not, but who knows with these fame whores!

In the latest element of the divorce saga plaguing Kim, future ex-husband Kris Humphries is refusing to back down in his quest to expose Kimmie Kakes and her family for the frauds they are. Kris’ lawyers are petitioning to depose Kim on camera – which she is opposed to. I know, Kim opposed to being on film? There’s a first time for everything! Now the ex-couple is also fighting over Kim’s $2M engagement ring. See, Kris wants it back and Kim wants to keep it.

“Kris wants the ring back because the marriage only lasted 72 days and he believes it was based on fraud and deceit. Remember, Kim filed for divorce. Kris paid for that ring, and he just can’t fathom why Kim would want to keep it,” a source close to the exes tells RadarOnline. “It’s not like she is ever going to wear it again. Kris realizes that with Kim it’s all about material objects and she truly treasures things over people in her life.”

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It’s double elimination night on Dancing with the Stars.

We’re 3 seconds in and I need to call in Kim Zolciak for a wig intervention on Brooke Burke. That was the most unnatural hair piece ever shown on national television. And that includes The Donald.

Right away we find out that Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd are safe and moving on to the semi-finals. Those Packer fans are not to be underestimated, thankfully.

Since we’re down to just a handful of couples, they find even more fillers for this week. They create a “Dance Center” segment that just fell flat, unless you enjoyed that bit with Len, jogging shirtless and oiling himself up. I may need therapy. And in another “ABC family show moment”, we’re shown a montage of Katherine Jenkins talking about her naughty bits and an edited clip of her shaking boobs over and over and over and..you get the idea.

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Good Lord – sometimes I don’t even know what to think about Jenelle Evans. Days after admitting she was giving loser ex-boyfriend Kieffer Delp a second (3rd? 5th? 16th?) chance; citing he was a changed man – the Teen Mom 2 star discovered he sold the topless photos of her circulating around the web. Classy.

Even worse – Kieffer is admitting he’s responsible! When Jenelle found out the photos were on the internet she, of course, took to Twitter to vent her frustration and express her sadness. I expect she’ll be ‘taking a break’ from tweeting again in the next day or so as well – isn’t that what she always does when she’s upset? Anyway a furious Jenelle wrote, “Think I’m going to have a nervous breakdown. Can’t stop crying.”

CLICK HERE TO FOR JENELLE’S NUDE PHOTO SCANDAL!

“I’m so upset and depressed. Words can’t describe. Now the whole world can see me naked. I can’t stop crying. I can’t handle this,” she continued. And Jenelle straight up accussed Kieffer of being responsible for the leak! “Delp took without me lookin and told me he deleted them thats why I was laughing in the pic cuz I’m like lol stop. I was f*cked up off of anesthesia after the surgery. I didn’t kno he took the after photos.

I have to admit – this does really suck for Jenelle, who just posed for brand new boob photos with Kieffer – which she undoubtedly got compensated for. I guess ol’ Kieffer just wanted a piece of the pie.

And Kieffer is not shying away from the accusation. “Got racks on racks on racks lmao #no remorse,” he admitted on twitter. “I would have never done it if she didn’t brake my heart then talk sh*t about me for it.”

Oh, Jenelle… I certainly hope you will not get back together with Kieffer next week! In other Jenelle news, after she accused ex-boyfriend Gary Head of abusing her, they’re now back together… Le sigh.

ARE YOU SURPRISED KIEFFER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR SELLING THE PHOTOS?

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