Day eight in theCouples Therapy house begins with group therapy with Dr. Jenn Berman. Today's topic is sex. So, naturally, I expect a full hour of sex tape shenanigans featuring Farrah Abraham. Yeah, not so much. The next two days oftherapyrevolve around Sada Bettencourt and Whitney Mixter and Ghostface Killah and Kelsey Nykole.
But first, we do hear a little bit fromJon Gosselin and Liz Jannetta, as well as Farrah. Taylor Armstrong is either too sober (and boring) or too traumatized (green towels) to score a speaking part this week. Whatever. Not hearing about Taylor and John's sex life is A-OK with me, especially since we have to revisit last week's drama, Jon masturbating. On camera. Like his Plus 8 aren't quite damaged enough already.
Jon has changed his story. Last week, he was only scratching himself. (not that anyone believed) This week, he was planning a party for one. Kind of like, last month, Jon despised media attention. (not that anyone cared) This month, he's masturbating on VH1. The only constant coming out of Jon Gosselin's mouth – everything is Kate's fault. Forever butthurt, this one. Farrah, too. Literally.
Kim Zolciakis ready to show off her post-baby body! The mom of six, who gave birth to twins 3 months ago, says she is already bikini-ready, and it's all thanks to a rigorous workout schedule, diet pills, and no plastic surgery at all!
"I gained 50 pounds with the twins," Kimreveals to Life & Style. “I won’t get on the scale, but all my clothes fit again! I’m between a size 2 and a size 4.” Ummm… wellllll… no comment.
Carlton Gebbia continues to intrigue me. I mean, she's the wicked witch of double standards. She's disgusted by her Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast mates talking about sex and then lap dances on her MIL, does stripper pole lessons, and throws a Hustler party.
She doesn't want Kyle Richards asking about her religion, yet she talks about it all the time and puts spells on people. And she doesn't like Joyce Giraud for being fake and attention-seeking yet Carlton is allll about Brandi Glanville!
In her most recent Bravo blogCarlton reflects on the episode and explains why Kyle is fake, Joyce is annoying, and she is the greatest living human in the world.
But of course any lady that goes on reality TV is opening herself up to scrutiny – and that means all the deep, dark secrets of her salacious or devious past revealed.
Let's see who's in it to win Juan Pablo's heart – and who's probably got one too many tricks up her sleeves (can one store tricks in sleeveless rompers, bikini tops, or strapless cocktail dresses?).
This week Juan Pablo eliminated Elise Mosca, allegedly a first grade teacher from PA, and Lauren Solomon, a composer who desperately tried to kiss him. And it turns out that those were the right choices!
Before she was vying for roses, Lauren was engaged to Blake DuPlant, whom she met as a contestant on the game show Minute to Win It, unfortunately the wedding was abruptly canceled!
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It turns out this isn't the first married man Kasey has been intermingled with and she has a slew of skeletons in her closet that are just dying to get out!
After getting a degree in Kinesiology from LSU and attempted modeling and acting, Kasey moved to NYC where she eventually found herself working as a personal trainer at the swanky gym La Palestra. After a heated affair with her boss – she was accused of being obsessed with him and checked into a mental hospital. Mario certainly does like the crazy ones!
Throughout the course of her bravo blog, Kenya also repeatedly states that she's not a liar, but um… we all know that's not true, but her assessments of NeNe and Apollo are dead on.
"I considered myself a friend and have always been respectful and supportive of NeNe on and off camera. I ignored all the warnings from the other ladies about how she turns on people she is threatened by or that she feels steals the spotlight from her. However, I give people the benefit of the doubt and had enjoyed becoming friends with her."
Last night's Mob Wives was a lot more tricks than treats as friendships were tested and costumes were thrown by the wayside. Who needs to be dressed up as an actual person or thing when you can throw on black angel wings, red contact lenses, and a lace thong?
At Big Ang's house, Renee Graziano stops in share her recent showdown with Alicia diMichele Garofalo. Renee thinks that Alicia has been as fake as can be since the get-go. Meanwhile, in Philly, Alicia is telling her side of the story to Natalie Guercio. Renee's side of the story is much more dramatic than the actual event, but she tries to explain to Ang that there has always been something about Alicia she's disliked. Doesn't she understand that you don't throw around the term "rat"? Ang hopes that Alicia can learn to filter through all the gossip she hears.
Natalie has invited Alicia, Ang, and Drita D'avanzo to go to the pumpkin patch in preparation for Halloween. The women are scaring themselves silly in a haunted corn field. It's all in a day's work for Natalie since she works in a funeral home. Really it's just a bunch of fake dead bodies sprawled around everywhere. I could have also gone without with Natalie and Ang's sex ed lesson with gourds. Natalie invites the ladies to a Halloween party at her funeral home. She's going to set up a bar in an actual casket. "That's so cute" squeals Drita until she finds out the location. Natalie wonders if she should invite Renee, and Alicia believes that it's good for her friend to be the bigger person.
Sometimes I feel sorry for VH1. It tries, it really does. The networks problem is saturation. One reality series is going well? Let's copy it in film a franchise in every state! These basketball players' wives are causing major drama and enticing viewers? Let's find more basketball wives? Wait, there aren't any? Well, that's okay! Let's find some women who maybe dated, had a baby with, or got an autograph from an NBA player. That's the same, right?
You know where I'm going with this, don't you? It's time to welcome back the women of Basketball Wives: L.A. to our televisions! It seems like they've been gone forever…and I haven't really missed them, to be honest. We'll see some new of our old favorites (is Draya Michele's new beau dating Jackie Christie's daughter too?), and some new faces who are already fitting right in. One of the new ladies has an online business with an "F" rating from the Better Business Bureau! Sounds about right!