Reality Tea

vpr-recap

Just when you think the twists on Vanderpump Rules can't get any twistier – they do! Now the entire plotline is like one of those loop-de-loop straws where you go cross-eyed trying to watch the liquid wind through the twists and curves. It sure makes for exciting TV, though!

Things begin with the annual SUR photoshoot. The theme is always endless summer because what is SUR if it's not attractive near-naked people doing Vegas-y things, which is what everyone wants near their food.

Kristen Doute is not participating because she's practically fired for her antics last week and the week before and the week before… and basically since the land before time. Lisa Vanderpump really doesn't care if Kristen bangs Jax Taylor, but she better not bring her hoochie drama into Lisa's restaurant. Lisa has lines, and although those lines are twistier and blurry-er than a bendy straw, they are there. 

Lisa's other concern, besides Kristen's behavior, is Jax's lack of remorse over the entire thing. He's at the photoshoot flaunting his pecs and bragging about how the male modelizer is baaack baby! Not quite. True Fact: I remember seeing Jax in Vogue in days of yore. It sure is a shame that he has destroyed his looks. He should just get on with his inevitable destiny of marrying Lindsay Lohan and having some trainwreck reality show starring Dr. Drew Fakesy

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rhobh-recap

Last night Carlton Gebbia really let the witch out of the bag – flying broomsticks, evil spells, creepy crystal floral talismans and all! 

Kyle Richards and Lisa Vanderpump are friends-ish again. Well at least for the sake of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills purposes. Since Ken and Mauricio truly are friends, Kyle and Lisa decide to get together with Kevin Lee (!!) to throw a joint birthday party. Oh Kevin Lee… let's discuss what's going on atop your head: part Brillo pad, part tasered porcupine: too much hair gel, mmmkay. 

As Lisa and Kyle divvy up the guest list Kyle gets all porcupiney – she just wants to know why there's gotta be teams allocating who invites whom. 

UGH – let's just take a moment to discuss Kyle. Listen, Kyle was annoying me the whole episode: she kept making her little snarky comments, making everything into a bigger deal than it was, and sneaking in shade while acting like everything was fine – basically she was Splits-ing. But then CARLTON! Snarlton… SNARLTON with her Wicked Witch of The Valley complete with California Raisin face had to go all wicca-wacka and made me feel bad for Kyle. There's more to Kyle's witchiness than her fondness for flowing robes, but compared to Snarlton, Kyle is a sweet innocent. 

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vanderpump-rules

"Mostly, they bum around Los Angeles sleeping with each other’s partners, drinking too much and squabbling endlessly, but at the end of the day, they’re all just lost kids with failed dreams who work in the service industry and happen to be trailed by a production crew."

This line is from a recent Time article, and may I say that it's pure genius and totally accurate. That's right, we're getting high-brow up in here! The piece is on the crew from Vanderpump Rules and seeks to explain viewers' fascination with mean girl Stassi Schroeder, man whore Jax Taylor, and the rest of Lisa Vanderpump's attractive SUR minions. It's certainly my guilty pleasure and last night's finale was everything I hoped for and more!  

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Kim Kardashian and her sisters visit a spa

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have…a day in the life of Kim Kardashian? It takes a lot out of this poor gal to wear crop tops and change her hair color, but she's learned to take the good with the bad. 

For example, Kim finally had a spot of good luck when her teenaged identity thief was brought to justice, but, on the flip side, it turns out that the rumor she was posing for the cover of Vogue was just that…a rumor. Add that together with the fact that she decide whether she has more fun as a blonde, and it's already quite a week for Miss Kimmie. 

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love hip hop reunion tahiry monique joe

Don't fail us Mo'Nique! We've been through enough piddly hosts, so I hope she's able to hold her own with the crazy crew of Love & Hip Hop! Last night was the first half of the reunion, and Mo'Nique started with a long-winded monolog about adventures and riveting stories. Yeah, not so much. Forget about the story lines, lets talk hair! I can't decide if Yandy Smith looks like a fabulous pin-up or if she's been playing in Hugh Hefner's closet. I never thought I'd want Tara Wallace to put back on the blonde wig–I know many will disagree with me, but that pixie cut isn't doing her any favors..not to mention that dress looks like a surfer's rash guard! She's a gorgeous lady, and that hairstyle makes her look mousy. Tahiry Jose's hair looks amazing in the blunt ombre'd bob. Joe Budden is dressed like my best friend's five-year-old on Easter Sunday. 

Okay, now onto the reunion! Yandy reveals that she talks to Mendeecees Harris on the phone about five times a day. Mo'Nique warns that those collect calls can get expensive! Do inmates really get that many phone privileges? We are treated to an Erica Mena/Cyn make-out montage. We get, VH1, they're lesbians! Sure they are. The pair is still together (thanks to Chipotle!) as they are holding hands on the sofa. Rich Dollaz' jealousy is well documented in clips, and he looks just as stupid as I remember. Rich joins the twosome on the sofa, and he tells Mo'Nique that he didn't have any loyalty to Cyn in her relationship with Erica, and he's a self-proclaimed creep. He feels sorry for Cyn because he thinks she's a prop in his back-and-forth with Erica.

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Diane Von Furstenberg's Journey Of A Dress Exhibition Opening Celebration

If you think Bravo will shy away from showing the trials and tribulations of Teresa Giudice's federal fraud case in the upcoming season of Real Housewives of New Jersey, guess again.  Andy Cohen opened up about Teresa, Taylor and all things reality TV in a new interview with TV Guide.  He swears the Housewives franchise will be around for a long time to come.

First, Andy talked about what it's like no longer being an big wig executive at Bravo, "I believe it was January 3 when I woke up and for the first time in my life I didn't have a boss. So it's great. I'm continuing to host specials for Bravo, which I love doing. And I'm still an executive producer of all the Real Housewives shows." 

When asked if it's because nobody else wanted that job, he shared, "No, quite the contrary! I wanted to and I believe that this franchise can go and go and go if we treat it delicately and properly. We're seeing with Real Housewives of Atlanta record numbers of any season ever. I care about it a lot." 

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Joyce Giraud On Photo Shoot

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Joyce Giraud is keeping busy this week by doing a little modeling.  The mother of two got leggy for the cameras yesterday afternoon on Rodeo Drive. 

Joyce was doing a photoshoot for an upcoming issue of the digital magazine Naluda.  I've never heard of the mag, but it's described as "a free, fresh monthly publication covering topics on lifestyle, fashion, travel, social events and activities, at Naluda we aim to provide our readers the most interesting, useful and up to date information."

Joyce Tweeted about her day of shooting, which featured this see through dress/skirt and black sequined bustier.  "It's a wrap! @naludamagazine @paulanthonylove @thestyleguide @lafashionweek I loved today! The team was simply amazing  can't wait to see the pics."  You can see more pictures of her day below.

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rhobh-recap-lisa-brandi

Lisa Vanderpump fully admits that she's been trying to mother Brandi Glanville this season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and she's not ashamed of it. 

During an appearance on WWHL, a caller asked Lisa if she thinks she mothers Brandi like she does the Sur staff.  Lisa confessed, "Guilty as charged. Absolutely.  I do feel Brandi was struggling and I really wanted to help her because I loved her."  

Andy asked Lisa if she knew it was bugging Brandi, "I did eventually. That's why I kind of backed off because I thought I was damned either way. But I did really care about her."  

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