So, last night was the first segment of the so-called “epic” Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. I have to admit, reunions are so hard to recap, because really I can barely decipher what the women are talking about and I usually have to watch on closed captioning; A) because there’s too much screaming and B) because I can never grasp the she said-from-she said through the screaming – particularly where NeNe Leakes is involved. That being said, NeNe’s slamming of Sheree Whitfieldwas epic indeed! The theme of last night’s show-down was apparently “finances,” specifically who has them and who doesn’t. And does Sheree really have several storage units full of furniture or did she steal that storyline from Kim?
Before we start recapping anything, let’s discuss my personal most shocking moment of last night’s spectacle. Sheree Whitfield of She by Shebroke announced that She by Sheree—her failed clothing experiment, that consisted of a fashion show with no clothes and the owing of $30,000 to Dwight Eubanks for photocopies—is staging a revival. As in, She by Sheree is not dead, but merely on hiatus and we can expect more where that came from. Is she serious? She by Sheree?! As in, worse clothes than Alexis Couture! As in, NO ONE ON THIS EARTH is buying them. Ok, now that I got that off my chest, let’s commence with this recap, shall we…
Last night opened with a fight to end all fights: do former strippers have the right to be disgusted by dildos? Are all former strippers supposed to be ok with the usage and discussion of dildos, ding-a-lings, and vajayjays? Are these women really and truly adults or is this a ruse Andy Cohen is attempting to fool us with before bringing out the real adult women?
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One of life’s biggest mysteries is just how much reality stars get paid. How much is your image and reputation worth? According to Media TakeOut‘s last delve into the world of Real Housewives of Atlanta, selling your likeness to Bravo in perpetuity through out the universe is actually profitable. Since this is MTO and their “source” could be nothing more than an anonymous email account, we’ll take this info with a huge grain of salt. And speculate anyway, because it’s so fun!
Per MTO, below is the list of salaries for our Atlanta peaches. If true, Nene Leakes is at best “moderately rich” and not “very rich.”
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Well, I knew this was going to be a lackluster season of Real Housewives of Atlanta when Bravo didn’t even bother to redo the infamous intros. And I was right. The season finale served us vibrators, gifts galore, and really nothing much–but it’s all over but the crying, aka the reunion; which is where the good stuff usually happens anyway.
Things started out with Cynthia Bailey and NeNe Leakes furniture shopping; which quickly turned into therapy replete with a sofa long enough for even NeNe to lay down on. NeNe is looking for a sectional–and a second chance at love as she announces that she’s made her decision and is going through with her divorce. Maybe it wasn’t a storyline attempt to get a spin-off after all?
NeNe announces the end of her marriage is like a death–perhaps she can employ Phunerals by Phaedra for a burial service worth dying for! I see trumpets, top hats, and horse-drawn carriages in store for your marriage license, former Mrs. Leakes. NeNe knows Gregg will continue to be a wonderful father and friend–but sadly he must cease to remain a booty call.
And onto more TMI. Kandi Burruss receives her boxes of Bedroom Kandi products. Here comes Happiness and Joy. I’m scared… She and her Xscape days acidwash micro-mini (holy ’80s) get right to Skype-ing Suki about the new products. Kandi is planning a launch party and she wants to create an evening of pleasure for women. It will feature massages, hot men, and sex toys. I’m pretty sure that’s also called the AVN awards, but anyway.
Kandi lets us know she has been testing the wares and they are so successful at getting their point across, she hasn’t even gotten to vibrate to the music. Suki then announces the “clit-stick” is ready–and it’s waterproof. Kandi proves her freak number is a straight ten when she mentions she could take it on an airplane and no one would know she’s having a pleasure party in her pants. Remind me never to fly first class out of Atlanta for fear of sitting next to Ms. Mile High Self-Rub.
Moving on, Cynthia is also testing out her new products by hosting the first ever Bailey Agency Modeling search. It’s pretty much a low-budget, generic ANTM without Nigel Barker, The J‘s, or Tyra‘s spirited and impassioned speechesl. Lame. Cynthia excitedly finds a few girls which will get free entrance into her school of modeling. There she’ll them the art of being oblivious and how to marry a Papa Smurf all their own. Peter, who is coordinating everything in absence of Mal, shocks the pants off me when he actually stays for the whole event! Is this a new Peter? Turning over a new leaf? Good for him!
Kandi is also sampling models as she scouts attractive men to take off their shirts and administer massages at the Bedroom Kandi launch. Phaedra Parks and She by Shefired are assisting her with the arduous task of examining attractive men and sexually harassing them. Bravo loves them some rowdy women with raunchy senses of humor, don’t they? Phaedra is, of course, up to the task of examining donkey booties and suggests the men wear Speedos for the main event. Shockingly Kandi vetos that and it’s decided the men will wear pants with a lining to prevent any sort of protruding elements. Everybody knows the lining makes all the difference….
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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, all the ladies conducted themselves with dignity and nobody got hurt. Kim finally convinced someone to marry her, and NeNe contemplated leaving Haterville behind for the wilds of Los Angeles – where no one is fake. Nope – not in the least! Oh, and Phaedra announced that her phuneral home was coming soon. Watch out Atlantians – you’re about to be buried with style.
Things begin with Cynthia and Kim meeting each other for lunch. If you said “say what?” you’re not the only one. But apparently, Cyn decided handling things like an adult was better than getting into a screaming match in a church parking lot, so she invited Kim to lunch to work out their differences.
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Atlanta, Atlanta, Atlanta…There is so much going on that I don’t know where to start! If you had told me several seasons ago that Kim wouldn’t be with Big Poppa, Phaedra would be accused of being a criminal kingpin, and NeNe would be a legitimate actress on a television show, I would have died laughing. Looks like the joke is on me!
As you recall, Phaedra Park’s former friend Angela Stanton has promoted an e-book in collaboration with Vibe. Lies of a Real Housewife: Tell the Truth and Shame the Devil makes some pretty strong accusations regarding Phaedra being the mastermind behind a crime spree that landed both Angela and Apollo Nida in jail. Vibe.com shared a series of video interviews with Angela in conjunction with her book release. In one of the videos, she states that Apollo’s “brother” lied about the extent of Angela’s involvement, in an effort to take the heat off Phaedra.
Now Vibe is issuing a “clarification“–or what regular folks would call an “Oops!”–on Angela use of the term “brother.” The site back pedals, “In the first clip (of three), Ms. Stanton refers to an individual involved in the criminal scheme described in the book, as the brother of Apollo [Phaedra’s husband]. It appears as if Everett and Apollo are not related by blood and Ms. Stanton refers to Everett as Apollo’s ‘street brother’ in her book. The statements made in the video clips were made by Ms. Stanton in a figurative manner and not in literal terms.” I wonder how many other Oops clarifications the site will have to make in connection with this book. Tamara Tattles notes that the book, which was holding the 67th spot on Amazon upon its release, has now dropped to the 5,289th position.
NeNe Leakes seems to have a new biffle in the form of Glee creator Ryan Murphy. The Neenster has been honing her acting skills on the hit series, and it was just announced that she will be starring in Murphy’s latest pilot, The New Normal. The show centers around a gay couple and their surrogate, and NeNe will play the recurring role of Rocky. It appears that the RHOA reality star may have found the perfect way to channel her dramatic personality!
NeNe recently tweeted a picture of her famous bestie, stating, “THE MAN that is changing my life 1 script @ a time Ryan Murphy.”
Adding another photo of her and Ryan for her followers, NeNe tweeted, “I gotta get that Emmy baby & this man is helping me make sure that happens.” Both of those photos are below.
NeNe’s former best friend/current nemesis Kim Zolciak also took to the twitterverse to defend herself when a follower called out her behavior towards former assistant Sweetie Hughes. After someone tweeted “RT @snooki I hate when people are mean to their assistants. Your not cool. responded, @throughmyeyes__ how about my former assistant/friend @sweetieHughes is one of my dearest closest friends soooo stfu!”
Mere minutes later, Kim gave quite a shout out to her friend, tweeting, “First vacation in a loooong time w/ out @sweetieHughes we already miss u!!! If u wanna come I got u ;)” A hilarious picture of Kim’s wigs on said vacation is also below!
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Ready or not – here she comes! Kim Zolciak has officially–as in available on iTunes–released her new single, “Love Me First.” Poor, unfortunate readers got a taste of her warbly, heavily-autotuned new track (not written by Kandi Burruss) on Twitter last month, and now the official, massively-altered version hits stores. Oh, my – sit down for this one!
The Real Housewives of Atlanta star debuted the track on Ryan Seacrest‘s radio show yesterday, and well, let’s just say I heard it once and I don’t need to hear it again! “It was written about my life and what I went through 11 years ago,” Kim told Ryan. “I think people will be able to relate.” I can definitely relate to not being able to sing, Kim, if that’s what you mean…
Kim also released the cover art for the single – which is just as photoshopped as you’d expect, but she looks pretty. The photo is below!
Kim took to Twitter to advertise her newest attempt to convince people she can sing. “‘Love Me First’ was written about my life as a single mom and my struggles,” she wrote. “I love my life now! Living a dream and loving every minute of it!” Oh Kim, I love how you completely believe in your own delusions.
Moving on to other people who live in their delusions, Sheree Whitfield is finally addressing Marlo Hampton‘s use of the F-bomb. Despite rumors that Sheree and Lawrence Washington are no longer BFF after he made her hair break off and her weave yank hair out at the root, Sheree is still offended on his behalf over Marlo’s language and her denial that it was a big deal.
“When Marlo used the ‘F’ word, I was offended not only for Lawrence but for any other gay man that is my friend or not!;” Sheree seethes in her Bravo blog. “For her to stand there and blatantly lie about what she said was shocking beyond words. And for some reason unbeknownst to me, she continues to blame others for her outrageous comments and actions.”
“If you are girl enough to say it, be man enough to own it,” Sheree advises. And she hints that something just might not be right with ol’ Marlo. “At some point it stops being funny and becomes sad and makes one think that something could be loose.”
Sheree also talks about what many viewers perceived as her ruining her daughter Tierra‘s proposal after she pressured Damon into spending on a huge ring and party. Sheree denies having anything to do with Damon postponing and claims she really couldn’t care how big the rock was, because what matters is the size of a man’s, you know, heart! “Meeting up with Damon to pick out rings was fun. I’m glad he invited me to tag along.”
“We had a lot of laughs as I teased him about the size and prices of the rings,” Sheree insists. “At the end of the day, I could care less what size ring Damon gets Tierra, and he knows that. As long as he lives up to his vows and makes Tierra happy, her mom is happy!”
Finally, Marlo continues her desperate quest to be upgraded to full-time Housewife by attacking fan favorite, Phaedra Parks! In her second ever Bravo blog (go Marlo!), which was just as cryptic as the first, Marlo calls out Phaedra for tackying up Ayden‘s Dedication.
“There was so much, in addition to a lot of blue,” she says of the event. “I immediately realized that everyone’s perception of a grand, luxurious event is completely different. I prefer a touch of elegance, not an overflow.” I guess that means Marlo won’t be hiring Dwight Eubanks to plan her soirees anytime soon!
“The procession, however, was a high note. This is surely the way to enter a room!;” Marlo concedes. Well, to each is own. I personally think displaying all of your shoes and purses as if they were priceless art instead of payments from old white sugar daddies is “overflow” and scarcely the definition of elegance. But then again, I like things that are elegant and sophisticated… (can I just tell you that is my FAVORITE Housewives intro ever – it’s so perfectly ironic).
THOUGHTS ON KIM’S NEW SINGLE? WHO IS MORE DELUSIONAL: KIM, SHEREE, OR MARLO? WAS PHAEDRA’S DEDICATION TACKY OR FUN?
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Fans of Real Housewives of Atlanta have been disappointed by this season – even with the addition of Mugshot Marlo Hampton (that girl’s autobiography could easily be titled My Life In Mugshots: A History of Marlo Hampton’s Adventures With The Law)! While the season was lackluster – I blame NeNe Leakes and Kim Zolciak‘s never gonna be repaired friendship; the reunion was apparently out of control!
While, I do believe nothing could have topped last season’s horrendous Real Housewives of New Jersey showdown; RHOA made a solid effort to dismantle the reigning champion of shocking reunions and the fights were epic!
Since none of the ladies are actually friends anymore, they wasted no time in getting nasty and vitriolic. According to WetPaint, whose source was present at the taping of the event, “It was a whole day of fighting, yelling and accusation-throwing. Everyone was worn out by the time it wrapped.”
Things started getting heated with NeNe and Kim. NeNe shockingly announced “I’m divorced!;” when her former bestie tried to call her out for dating while married (who could forget the “Close your legs to married men,” argument?).
In other outrageous incidents, Sheree Whitfield and NeNe–who started out the season with a bang–went head-to-head in a screaming match. The two continued their heated debate over NeNe’s finances–she’s very rich, remember–and Sheree tried to throw NeNe off her guard by announcing that any money earned from appearing on Celebrity Apprentice goes straight to charity. NeNe checked that boo by announcing she’s richer than She by Shebroke she is spiritually rich!
Not surprising, was Marlo battled every last one of The Smalls! Marlo was only present for a limited segment of the reunion, but the woman came with a vengeance and refused to keep her comments to herself! “Marlo’s M.O. was obvious,” the source explains. “She wants desperately to become a Housewife, so she was trying to show the producers she could really bring it in terms of drama.”
“In her normal fashion, Marlo was throwing out accusations right and left,” the source reveals. “She picked fights with everyone except Nene and Cynthia [Bailey].”
“But she sunk really low when she went after Kandi [Burruss], making all sorts of mean accusations about Kandi’s sex life,” the source reports. “Kandi was livid. It looked like she wanted to throttle Marlo.”
Despite Marlo’s attempts to prove she’s relevant, producers still don’t seem to be biting. “No one thinks they’re going to offer her a bigger role, though,” the source asserts. “Fans don’t seem to like her.” Adding to the speculation that she will be a one-season extra, Marlo has only had one Bravo blog all season (despite being embroiled in plenty of hot drama) and has never made an appearance on Watch What Happens Live.
In other RHOA news, NeNe continues to conquer Hollywood! After a successful role on Glee as sassy swim coach Roz, NeNe has been offered a role in Ryan Murphy‘s newest comedy pilot, The New Normal about a blended family composed of a gay couple and their surrogate. NeNe will have a heavily recurring role as Rocky, according to Deadline.com.
The cast includes a whole host of stars, including David Lyons and Vampire Diaries’ Trent Ford. NeNe’s increasing emergence into the world of acting–you know, in shows where acting is supposed to happen vs. shows where the characters pretend to be real– has many questioning if this season is to be her last as a Housewife. NeNe has revealed that she has no interest in a spin-off for Bravo and she has been increasingly checked out of the action all season!
Finally, some gossip that’s–quite frankly–delicious, but not entirely reliable. MediaTakeOut is reporting that Sheree’s daughter, Tierra has eloped with long-time boyfriend Damon!
According to their source, while Damon was seen asking Sheree for permission AND planning the proposal, the two were more than ready to get engaged – and what we saw on camera was all an act! Remember, Damon told Sheree he had already spoken to Bob Whitfield about asking for Tierra’s hand in marriage!
Unfortunately, the brief time he spent planning with Sheree scared the crap out of him and Damon started to get cold feet. He reportedly believed Tierra may have some secret gold digging ways of her own that had been kept in hiding all these years.
Apparently, the couple worked past their issues, and allegedly ELOPED last moth. Without inviting Sheree to the wedding – or letting her know of their plans! Bravo is reportedly furious at the turn of events, as they were planning to film the wedding and were promised the access. They’re now trying to recreate the wedding to fabricate a storyline.
I find that last part dubious, as filming has already ended for this season (unless they were trying to throw the wedding scene in last-minute, as they did with Pandora Todd‘s nuptials) and season five contracts have definitely not been signed. Many rumors have circulated that this will be Sheree’s last season with the show as she pretty much has nothing to offer. Perhaps Tierra’s wedding was a last-ditch effort to grab producer’s attention so she would have a storyline next season.
We’ll keep you posted on the updates concerning Tierra and Damon! Sheree has not commented on the news, yet!
ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT THE REUNION? DO YOU EXPECT TO SEE MARLO BACK NEXT SEASON? SURPRISED BY THE NEWS OF TIERRA AND DAMON’S ALLEGED ELOPEMENT – DO YOU BELIEVE IT?
Have you ever watched a TV show and had absolutely NO idea what happened? Yeah, that was pretty much my experience watching last night’s boring episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta. So, Phaedra hosted a dedication for Ayden and I don’t know what all that pomp and circumstance was about, but it was very cute. Sheree, at the behest of Bravo, tried to force Damon to propose to her daughter, and Kim and Cynthia had the meekest, tamest showdown in RHOA history. Where’s NeNe when you need her! So, let’s get this recap started!
Things begin with Phaedra running around the church, planning Ayden‘s dedication. Phaedra’s white jeans are distracting me, I hate white jeans. I initially thought it was a baptism and became alarmed, because Bravo’s track record with christenings is not so hot. Bravo certainly likes to use children’s religious ceremonies to create drama, doesn’t it? Anyway, this was a dedication. And it involves the baby being carried on a floating sled thing called a palanquin, surrounded by other children in white, who are ringing bells. Or, maybe that’s just Phaedra’s take on the situation. By the way, did anyone think Phaedra’s pastor was Bobby Brown for a second?!
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