Last night was the season finale of Teen Mom 2. Aaaahhh… Jenelle Evans oh my, my, my. Man every single season this girl does something to make me think less of her. I mean just when I think she can't top getting arrested for heroin after marrying someone she barely knows, she goes and makes a baby with another lunatic she barely knows not 3 months after having an abortion.
For all of that, I felt a little bad for Jenelle last night – if only because it became more than abundantly clear that she is not right. Nathan Griffithis a sociopath. Something is seriously wrong with him. We will be seeing him as the subject of a Dateline NBC mystery where he has done something truly heinous.
And also, this recap is sponsored (kidding, not really) by the maternity lingerie photo of Kailyn Lowry and topless Javi Marroquin that is framed above their bed. At least Snuffy was smiling and that may be the only smiling photo of her I've ever seen!
Last night on Teen Mom 2 MTV let us down massively with only grainy footage of Nathan Griffith's DUI. Nathan (and Jenelle Evans) claim that since he refused a breathalyzer Nathan wasn't actually drunk, or something.
Before we get into all of that, Chelsea Houska is trying to be more mature with Adam Lind. Chelsea has come a long way, and the only strides Adam has made is ditching that recedehawk, because he's still a COMPLETE jerk! At Aubree's pre-school pageant he drags new baby Paislee along and is snappish to Chelsea while they do crafts with Aubree.
Later in the car with Taylor (new baby mama with double-ee named spawn of Adam) he complains that Chelsea isn't going to get be in control of his relationship with Aubree much longer. Um… really, Dumee? Is this before or after you get in a felony car crash or ditch your daughter at your parents because you don't get your way.
On last night's episode of Teen Mom 2relationships changed, promises were made and marriages may have broken.
Jenelle Evans is on the pregnancy wagon again. After 16 seconds of dating, 14 seconds of them spent trying to get pregnant, she has finally conceived the spawn of Nathan Griffith: Instagram underwear model, timeshare hawker, and DUI accomplisher and now BIBLE reader. Nathan is dressed like Ned Flanders and staring listlessly at the Bible when Jenelle shoves a positive pregnancy test in his face. He labors over the screen for some time trying to figure out what it says before it dawns on him – he's gonna be a daddy. Again.
"Are you happy?" Jenelle monotones, expressionless. Nathan is overjoyed – he just has to get through the next nine months and 18 years of paychecks are his! He picks Jenelle up (barely) and spins her around, dollar signs flash in his eyes. To celebrate he dyes his hair platinum blonde.
On last night's episode of Teen Mom 2, relationships were put to the test and bacon caused a marital breakdown.
Leah Calvert has made nagging and whining a full-time job. Usually I like Leah – aside from that mop of crazy she insists is hair (we don't believe you, member of the Dolly Pardon Wig Club!) – but last night she was working my last nerve. Look girl from WV, you can't have you pepperoni roll and eat it too!
Five minutes after the twins go to Corey Simms' for his weekend, Jeremy surprises Leah by letting her know he's headed to PA to work for a couple weeks. Leah is not happy. She tells Corey his job makes her feel like a single mother and that while he's gone she gets really overwhelmed. She's also frustrated that he doesn't validate her feelings by listening to an extended whiny-fest about how haaaaard lyyyyyyfe eees when he's gone. She thinks they should go to counseling to strengthen their marriage, but Jeremy is against it. He ain't payin' nobody his hard-earned money to tell him what's wrong with him.
I'm not sure what MTV is playing at by trying to make Nathan Griffith look decent, but they are failing spectacularly all thanks to one formidable (and awesome!) Barbara Evans!
Babs is rocking her warpaint this season of Teen Mom 2, which means she has hit the MAC counter hard, and she is ready for battle. She is done with Jenelle Evans' deadbeat surgically implanted boobs and excuses and 'I can't pay for my abortion but here's a big screen TeeVee and a beach house and yet another loser boyfriend who is more important than my son.' And don't you just love when Babs puts somebody on blast?!
Yesterday on Teen Mom 2 there was wedding drama, bad hair, baby daddy drama, and Jenelle Evans continued to be delusional. You know, same old!
Kailyn Lowry is having wedding drama and is a complete bridezilla. She's also a wifezilla, a babydaddyzilla and probably any other kind of 'zilla you can think of. Combining 'zilla tendencies with Snuffy moping nonsense makes Kail unbearable. Stay off my TV until you've had this baby because you are an emotional wreck, Kailzilla!
Kail has like 9 bridesmaids – one for each month she's pregnant! – including Javi's sister and his sister's friend. Unfortunately since Javi's family probably doesn't like Kail, Javi's sister and friend aren't super motivated to participate in wedding planning. Why would you have your husband's sister's FRIEND in your bridal party? Weird. Kail claims they don't want to spend any money on wedding stuff and they don't want to do super-fun stuff like sit in someone's kitchen to test hairstyles while Kail Snuffys along.
While everyone else appears to be growing up, planning for the future and attempting to compromise (albeit accompanied by hysterical sobbing), Jenelle gets stupider by the day. Instead of ultrasounds she needs a brainscan for this amazing condition she's developed of never being able to make a rational choice – EVER!
So let's start with Jenelle, shall we. Get your barf bag ready!
Jenelle just took a pregnancy test and it said "pregnant!". Babs is teaching Jace to count while Jenelle is scrutinizing the pregnancy test trying to count the lines – one is a very faint pink. Her friend Tori (of the bright red hair) is there to deliver the Come To Jesus lecture and help Jenelle decipher the test. As if Jenelle who's been pregnant as many times as Michelle Duggar can't figure this out. Maybe the second pink line is caused by the reflection of Tori's hair?
In case you missed it, the Teen Mom 2 star crashed his car last week. Adam, who was pulled from the wreckage by a witness, suffered a concussion. What's left of his Corvette is burnt to a crisp. The elderly couple Adam hit suffered broken bones. All in all, they're extremely lucky to be alive, but broken bones in an 87 year old and a 94 year old are a big deal in my opinion.
Adam, 23, has been charged with five crimes: reckless driving, driving with a revoked license, driving with a suspended license, driving an unlicensed vehicle, and not having insurance. Sioux Falls Police confirmed neither drugs nor alcohol played a part in the crash. Just stupidity.