Last night's episode of Teen Mom 2 temporarily humanized our snarkiness as Leah Calvert learned the realities of Ali's muscular dystrophy.
Kail Lowry heads to an ultrasound appointment sans Javi Marroquin because Jo Rivera won't let her move out of state with Isaac and now she's all allllloneee! Apparently she's been emotionally eating to drown her sorrows because the doctor warns her that gaining a pound and a half per week isn't a good idea. "Lay off the fettuccine alfredo," he instructs.
Everything looks healthy but Kail is waiting until Javi can be there to find out the sex. Kail calls Javi from the car and complains that she's soooo stressed planning a wedding while pregnant. Maybe postpone the wedding until after you've had the baby then? Just a thought – especially since they're already legally married for the benefits and stuff.
Then Kail and Jo have a major custody blowup. Kail is now refusing to bring Isaac to Jo's parents' if he's not home. On their custody exchange day, Kail learns from Jo that he's running late so she calls Javi – in front of Isaac – to whine about what a terrible, negligent parent Jo is. Nice Kail.
Last night the ladies of Teen Mom 2continued to mope through the agonies of motherhood – well except for Jenelle Evans who promptly stored 'have a child' in the largely non-functioning corner of her brain (right beside 'multiple arrests, including a felony') and went on as if she had not a care in the world.
Kail Lowry is feuding with Jo over their custody agreement with Isaac. Kail just doesn't see the logic in anyone disagreeing with her, but is meeting in court before a judge. Javi warns her to keep her temper in check. Kail, who spent the day therapeutically painting pottery coasters for the house she hates but is forced to live in because of Jo's selfishness, promises Javi she'll be calm on the stand.
The two meet in court where Kail is hoping her fabulously constructed donut bun will sway the judge in her favor (her dress is cute, so props for that!), but unfortunately due to a jurisdiction error the case was transferred and now will take a couple more months.
I guess I should have braced myself for the return of Teen Mom 2. I'd forgotten that with it would come a new media hurricane of all its "stars." I'm used to Jenelle Evans being in the tabloids 24/7/365 (I'm so 2005), but I kind of forget about the other girls when they aren't stored in my DVR.
Perhaps I need to be grateful for non-Jenellecreated drama, but I feel like it's the same story line over and over again with these girls. Guess what? Chelsea Houska is still pretending she's over douchebag and baby daddy Adam Lind while claiming that she doesn't receive help from her ever-present father. Hey, no shame in taking money from the Bank of Dad if he gives it willingly, right…even if you do have all that MTV money for doing nothing more than being totally immature, irresponsible and overly dramatic. That last sentence is not a dig a Chelsea. It's a dig at all of them.
Last night was the premiere of Teen Mom 2. In case you have been living in a bomb shelter where twitter does not exist, it gave you the opportunity to catch up on what's been happening with our ever responsible ladies.
Jenelle Evans is still atrocious! After marrying Courtland Rogers, getting arrested 3 zillion times, and getting bailed out 3 zillion times she's back home with mom Barbara and terrorizing their peaceful-ish domestic tranquility with her soulless vortex. Apparently we're supposed to be proud of her or something. We're not. She whines that being a teen mom is like sooo super hard – not sure how she would know since she doesn't even interact with Jace when he's sitting right in front of her.
And since the world that is Jenelle is less stable than a drunk sorority girl on a parade float, she has more news. Jenelle takes a walk with her friend to share that getting off heroin is like hard and she's also like pregnant, so she's decided to get an abortion. How many pregnancies this year? "I should have made him put on a condom," Jenelle whines. "I'm so disappointed in myself." Completely monotone insincerity.
Jenelle's mom Babs supports the abortion since she doesn't want to be raising a second grandchild that Jenelle lost track of while she pursued her intensely fulfilling relationship with twitter. Jenelle is glad Courtland is stuck in jail so she doesn't have to tell him about all of this.
Teen Mom 2 has come to an end, and while we don't know if it's forever or just for now, it's time for the cast to talk about their troubles with Dr. Drew Pinsky.
This is Teen Mom, where "promising futures gave way to daily struggles, such as poverty, addiction, family breakdowns, absentee fathers, and revolving door boyfriends," says Dr. Drew. "The pressures and responsibilities of motherhood can be catastrophic." Then, to prove his point, the TV doctor welcomes Leah Messer Simms Calvert, Chelsea Houska, Kailyn Lowry, and Jenelle Evans to the stage and reminds us what happened this season.
Leah flip flopped between Corey Simms and Jeremy Calvert, but her Magic 8 ball ultimately told her to marry Jeremy. Also, Corey and Leah searched for answers for little Ali. Chelsea and Adam Lind hooked up sans birth control but avoided a second pregnancy. Then, hell froze over, and Chelsea realized that Adam is no good for her. #hallelujah
Kail fought with Jo Rivera. Kail fought with Javi Marroquin. Kail fought with anyone with a pulse. Kail and Javi got married… military benefits, yo!… Jenelle left her military man, Gary Head, after he beat her up and reunited with her pot head, Kieffer Delp, after he wooed her with the green hoodie. Sadly, Kieffer introduced Jenelle to heroin.
Oh Teen Mom 2, whatever are we going to do without you? Last night we bid a ninety minute farewell to Leah Messer Sims Calvert, Jenelle Evans, Kailyn Lowry, and Chelsea Houska, and MTV has yet to confirm whether they'll be back for more (please, no). While we'll be able to keep up with Jenelle thanks to her constant arrests and rehab stints, how will keep tabs on our other favorite whiny and entitled reality stars? What will become of Corey's camo hat? Will Kieffer Delp be successful in his pipe selling endeavors? So many unanswered questions–I can't bear the thought of it…
Of course, I jest. Last night, I cried when Corey cried, and I felt such pain for Barbara as she struggled with losing her daughter to heroin. I'm excited that Chelsea seems to be maturing–here's hoping she keeps up the good work. These girls need to stay out of the limelight, and I really need for Jenelle to get her life in order before she ends up dead. I can't imagine the only memories that Jace has of his mom being the same we've seen on the series.
The episode begins as Leah and Jeremy discuss Ali's big doctor's appointment over date night. Jeremy has taken time off from work so he can be with his wife as she deals with the stress of facing Ali's potential diagnosis.
It's court day for Jenelle and Gary Head (or, as we like to call it, Tuesday), but she has high hopes for the day. Gary admitted to getting physical with Jenelle, so her lawyer, Dustin Sullivan, will charge Gary with assault and request for Jenelle's charges to be dropped. Kieffer Delp nonchalantly asks Jenelle if there's any chance she'll go to jail. It's all good, Jenelle says, because she totally stopped getting high two weeks ago. Kieffer is nervous. Not because he cares about Jenelle, mind you, but because he needs a place to make his pot pipes.
One hour later, Dustin congratulates Jenelle on another good day in court, revealing that all charges against her have been dropped. Seriously?! Jenelle has more lives than the entire cast of CATS. One thing is for sure, if I ever get in trouble with the law, I'm calling Dustin the Judge Whisperer.
Oh girls of Teen Mom 2, what are we going to do with you? Last night,Leah Messer Sims Calvert walked down the aisle for a second time in her short life, and Jenelle Evans caused a scene at Jace's third birthday party. Anyone want to chip in for a Mom-of-theYear trophy with me? Chelsea Houska celebrated her twenty-first birthday, and Kailyn Lowry got engaged to Javi and Jo let out a sigh of relief that she was now someone else's problem. Good times, right?
The episode starts with Leah cooking breakfast with her dad, and we learn that she hasn't seen him since she was thirteen. She tells him what a great provider Jeremy is, and he's happy to be back in his daughter's life. I wish he'd turn his NASCAR ballcap around so I could see who his favorite driver is. #rubbinisracin'
Chelsea is moving yet again (what is this…like the fourth time this season alone?), and she takes Aubree to her mom's after daycare. She's planning for her twenty-first birthday, and her mom offers to watch Aubree so she can celebrate. Aubree's birthday is not long after Chelsea's, and Chelsea's mom asks if A-D-A-M will be attending her party. Chelsea turns on the whine and says she doesn't want to talk about him under any circumstances. Her mom praises her maturity.
Back with Kieffer, Jenelle is stressed out because her roommate is moving out, and she's short on cash from her boyfriend's mooching ways because her Internet job isn't paying as much as she'd hoped. She heads to her mom's house to discuss Jace's upcoming third birthday. Wait, my bad…she really just wants to complain to Barbara about her roommate and collect her mail. She reveals to her mom that she's dropped out of school due to the stress from her legal troubles with Gary and her boob job…both good reasons. Jenelle can barely keep her eyes open as she tells her mom that Kieffer is moving in with her. Barbara tells her daughter that she's planned Jace's party for the following day at a local tumbling Jim. Jenelle is upset that she didn't get more time to invite her friends, but she warns her mom she will be bringing Kieffer.