This week's Shahs of Sunset was insane. Bravo gets the ick – MJ's sex tapes – out of the way first thing. We pay for this later.Mercedes "MJ" Javid seeks professional help to recover the missing files from her computer. She worries the young, hot computer guy will copy her sex tapes. He finds the files – not a cold chance in hell he enjoys it, let alone copies them.
Next,Mike Shouhed meets with old Vegas friends, Big Baller #1 and Big Baller #2. Their office building is nice and shiny but rather empty inside – much like their secretaries. The Ballers, who finance real estate deals, offer Mike a job as their broker. He promises to think about it, adding, "I want to show everybody a big middle finger, to the entire world and say, 'HAHAHA, I'm the richest.'"
Asa Soltan Rahmati meets with a party planner friend to go over details for the Diamond Water launch party. Not much to see here. She complains about the lack of gaudy gold accessories – yet the whiners on House Hunters never stop complaining about gold this, gold that – and requests a Diamond Water bottle ice sculpture. Asa also reveals she's planning a family reunion in Turkey.
Last night's episode of Shahs of Sunset was fairly uneventful. For me, it felt like a filler episode to set up the showdown betweenReza Farahan and Mike Shouhed on the next episode. Oh but Mercedes "MJ" Javid did do some of that pesky thing us regular folks call a job! I guess that's worth noting.
To kick things off, Reza and Adam Neely are off to the mall. Reza pokes fun at Sears and Nieman Marcus in the same mall – this coming from the man who has Louis Vuitton shoes and IKEA furnishings in the same apartment. As they walk through the mall, Reza and Adam talk about the menu for their upcoming housewarming party, and they just happen to come across a Beluga caviar vending machine – a small can of caviar costs $3500, cash only. First, gross. Second, no problem for Reza, who whips out a wad of $100s. Adam wants to know who carries around that kind of cash, Reza says immigrants! Reza gives Adam props for going with the flow, adding, "With a little more training, he could be the quintessential perfect Persian wife."
Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi and Asa Soltan Rahmati take a Tai Chi class in the park. Asa thinks it'll be good for GG, who lacks impulse control. At the same time, GG tells us, "MJ makes me want to cut her t*ts off and bitch slap her with them." Tai Chi just makes GG horny. Better luck next time, Asa.
As if two episodes of Shahs of Sunset in 48 hours isn't bad enough, this one kicks off withMercedes "MJ" Javid showing off her boobs. Thank goodness Bravo isn't broadcast in 3D. MJ says she's spent thousands of dollars trying to simultaneously keep her boobs under control, cinch her waist, and eliminate back fat - to no avail – so she has decided to design her own bra and shaping garment. MJ "shapes" the air right out her lungs, explaining, "I have the tiniest waist, it's just not being cinched properly." #delusional
Meanwhile, Jessica is converting to Judaism for Mike Shouhed, although he has yet to propose. Mike and Jessica go through the motions of a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony during class, and Mike starts to sweat. Mike reminds us that he used to be the MVP of Vegas (Most Valuable Persian) and I think about the smug Shahs of Sunset tagline, "We don't work in buildings. We own buildings." Now? Mike rents bus wraps, so he needs to get over himself and put a ring on Jessica's finger before someone else does.
As I expected, Reza lashes out at Mike, "How audacious are you to call me to uninvite me to a disgusting float that's an embarrassment to the gay community. I am disgusted." Reza hangs up on Mike, returns to asking Mirror, Mirror who is the finest gay Persian in all of L.A.
Reza later tells Adam that he's furious with Mike – how dare he be excluded from an event?!? But Reza had no issues cheering on his co-stars as they uninvited Mercedes "MJ" Javid and Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi from trips and parties last season. Reza tells Adam he needs time to decompress, which is code for, perfect a sob story that'll help justify his repugnant behavior.
"The intensity on Shahs is getting huge," tweeted GG. "So this week we'll be giving y'all an episode on Sunday and another on Tuesday! This is a one time thing so get ready for an amazing ride of drama!"
I believe Reza had issues with Sasha, but I definitely do not believe this was their first ever encounter. I think Reza is a very mean-spirited and disrespectful person, and the producers used it to their advantage this week.
First up, Mike Shouhed visits a dermatology and hair restoration clinic to find out if his hair needs professional help, as his asshat of a friend Reza has suggested. Then Mike bring Reza for moral support – Mike doesn't need hair help, he needs brain help. Reza never stops making fun of Mike. Mike puffs out his chest and says he's going to shave Reza's head and mustache ("that Burt Reynolds looking mother f–ker") while he's sleeping. Yeah, sure.
So, a doctor examines Mike's full head of thick black hair, then determines he's not balding. What. A. Nail. Biter. But the scene wasn't all for naught – we learn Mike suffers from ear dandruff. As well as poor taste in best friends.
Last week, Lilly confronted Asa, wanting to know why she didn't speak up in her favor when Mercedes "MJ" Javid claimed nobody on Shahs of Sunset is her friend. Asa took to her Bravo blog to share, "MJ actually said, 'These people were my friends FIRST,' which is the truth and doesn't need defending."
"Second Lilly and MJ were exchanging catty remarks, and I don't see how this is anybody's business but theirs," added Asa. "How are you going to have a fight with someone and then blame the other people? I really wish Lilly would get more real about things." That's rich coming from the Persian Pop Priestess (which means what exactly?) who manufacturers Diamond Water (which does what better than regular water exactly?).
To kick things off, Mike Shouhed visits MJ to help her express her dog's anal glands. Seriously. The only thing I'll say about this is, the free alcohol is a nice touch, but there are not enough tequila shots in the world for that. Then we learn TMI about MJ's shower habits. Pass the tequila. No shot glass necessary.
Next Lilly meets up with Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi. So, these two are exploring their friendship, and Lilly's totally on board since GG is "skinny and pretty". She might cut a bitch, but at least she does it in a size 2 jean, right? GG reveals she's been dating a new guy for the past five months. Lilly gives her the side eye because she saw her making out with not-the-new-guy at the birthday party. GG says she was on a "two day break" so it's all good.