Adriana De Moura
Last night on Real Housewives of Miami there were dueling psychics, dueling ladies in formal wear, and um… yeah just a lot of straight up unhappiness. If last week's episode was all the debauchery, hedonism, and human sacrifices of Ancient Rome, last night's episode was the aftermath of war.
It's the day of the annual Blacks Gala and everyone is quite positive no one's nipples will hang out, no one will be thrown into pool Dynasty style, and no one will be doing tequila shots or getting slapped in the face. Oh, no instead they'll be milling around in couture gowns and spending $14,000 bidding on an evening at the Playboy Mansion. The only thing Fembot Fakenstein's boobgerie slapfest has in common with the Black Gala is some of the attendees – and that includes Joe "Cameratime" Francis. Doesn't he have some checks to be writing to Steve Wynn? $40 Million of them to be exact.
In preparation for the gala, Lea Black is rushing around clutching a bright pink Birkin as if it's an extra appendage. A third arm that is merely a formality and is crap at the useful things like moving tables and directing quack psychics on how to turn glass into music and peace.
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So last night was really something! Was this DYNASTY or Real Housewives of Miami? I mean a pool fight between queens? Angry ladies in negligees screaming? Champagne glasses being flung? Bitchslapping and accusations flying? Booze and bitching galore? I love it
And in the center of it all stood a series of blurred out nipples over surgically altered boobs. Just the casualties of a lingerie party, I suppose.
Joanna Krupa is a curious case, isn't she? She's pretty as an angel but she's like a Transformer. She appears like an apparition all soft blonde light and sparkling blue eyes, sweet pink pout and then BOOM! Her hair turns to razor blades that will slice you, her mouth is filled with fire, bullets flying from her nipples (all three of them!), and her eyes become like shards of glass. Joanna will cut a bitch. She will stalk her prey and maul them like a wild beast hungry for dinner. Maybe that's the problem – none of these ladies eat enough and the hunger drives them crazy.
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It's a battle of the boobs brunettes! Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Kyle Richards may have ignited a feud with Real Housewives of Miami's Adriana De Moura while visiting the hot head's neck of the woods. Kyle had better watch out, as we all know from last night that Adriana isn't afraid to brawl.
Of course, we all know that ol' Splits McGee loves the limelight almost as much as Adriana despises Karent Sierra. However, if Kyle's latest antics are true, she may have moved to the top of Adriana's most hated list. Part of me really wants this to be legit!
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Ahhhh… there's a huge storm brewing off the coast. And things will get wild, crazy, and unpredictable. And that's just Real Housewives of Miami! Don't even get me started on Hurricane Sandy.
This week Reality Tea spoke with Lea Black about RHOM and we got some dirt on tonight's shocking episode where Adriana de Moura bitch slaps Joanna Krupa silly – all while wearing next to nothing mind you. Now I've never been to a lingerie party that didn't turn into a crazy mess (OK, so I've only been to one and it was from my college days and I didn't really wear lingerie) – and Lea agrees. Her take on what happened: "The drama's organic. I don't think any of the drama on this show is contrived drama. These girls they can't hold back when they want to!"
Lea said the slap is "just the beginning." Adding, "These girls, the dynamic between them is just… explosive."
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