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Adriana De Moura

adriana-de-moura-wedding

Adriana de Moura's wedding was quite the, um… event! It better have been for all the time guests spent waiting for her to put on a dress!

The formal affair featured a reception that started two hours late, after they were forced to change clothes in a parking lot. All class there. Anyway, the Real Housewives of Miami star insists that's not what really happened, claiming Bravo edited her affair to look way worse than it was. #yeahright

Plus Adriana said she was just really tired and that's what took so long. Starting with her bravo blog she's all about excuses. "All of those emotions added to the stress of planning a wedding, and I was literally crumbling down as my wedding day approached," Adriana laments. "My physical limit was pushed and I was very drained and feeling weak; just one hour before the wedding I felt like fainting and believed I wasn't going to make it, because I had no more strength to carry on physically."

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rhom-recap-adriana-wedding

Last night on Real Housewives of Miami we were witness to the slooooowest wedding ever. I mean it took over five years and then some hours to finally get that thing officially off the ground, right?! 

Adriana de Moura was hours upon hours late to her own affair because she confused wedding with fashion show and was holed up in a suite getting dressed. Meanwhile downstairs the guests were sweating to death before passing out from hunger and finally giving up and leaving. Hopefully they all swung by McDonald's on their way out. 

Twenty-four hours before the big day, the drama begins. Adriana is having a stress attack and is so sick she's talking about skipping the whole thing to sleep. She pretty much did skip the whole thing but that's cause she was grooming. Speaking of grooming, despite just getting an IV of vitamins she needs Frederic Marq to give her a B-12 shot in the butt for more vitamins. Is it possible to be addicted to them?

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adriana de moura

Last night on The Real Housewives of Miami, Adriana de Moura turned off her co-stars by sending out her wedding invitations via email.  And not just any old E-vite…one with detailed instructions on what to wear, what not to wear and an inspiration board to get them started! 

Adriana took to her Bravo blog to defend her wedding decisions, "Welcome to the 21st century! Yes, I had an Evite for my wedding, because we all live on our computers, tablets, smart phones, etc. Who needs a printed invite when nobody cares about that anymore? Besides we need to save trees and think of our impact on the environment as well."  Fellow Real Housewife NeNe Leakes apparently agrees with her, as she did the same thing.

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rhom-recap-marysol-lea

Last night on Real Housewives of Miami silicone hit the fan between Marysol Patton and Lea Black. That old storyline again! This time the ladies were arguing over whether or not Lea ignored Mama Elsa while she was in the hospital. 

Joanna Krupa and Romain finally had a breakthrough in their relationship. Adriana de Moura continued to be insane by insisting her wedding guests dress pure and innocent as angels, newborn fawns, and daisies at her sham re-wedding, which is anything but fresh as the first snow. 

Joanna has Lisa Hochstein over for dinner. Joanna doesn't cook or use dishes so she serves sushi and soup out of the restaurant takeout boxes. I was getting the BPA heebie-jeebies watching them drink miso out of the big plastic cartons. The food doesn't really matter since the wine is the main course. 

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The Real Housewives of Miami - Season 3

For every bout of bad behavior, every Bravo star has a sob story and tiny violin to play to explain it away.  Real Housewives of Miami's Adriana de Moura is no exception.  Listen, I'm not discounting a troubled youth or a sad home life or awful relationships which lead to low self-esteem, but don't we all have these same issues on some level or another?

Where else should these "explanations" be aired but on their Bravo blog?  Adriana uses hers this week to share why she has such trust issues and why meeting with the minister was so important to her and her husband fiance Frederic.  

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The Real Housewives of Miami - Season 3

It seems some ladies on Real Housewives of Miami want to stage a coup and overthrow the Mayor of Miami, Lea Black

"The bus that's running over me this week is leaking hot air, not water," Lea announces in her Bravo blog before launching into a discussion about the devious deeds of her castmates. 

First up: Adriana de Moura! "Adriana still takes no responsibility for anything, she blames Frederic for the non-wedding marriage and even blames me for her problems with Joanna [Krupa]," Lea begins.

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rhom-recap-dress-burning

Last night on Real Housewives of Miami bridges to the past were burned as everyone focused on getting over it, moving forward, and embracing the positive. Except for Lenny Hochstein – he embraced the liposuction and actualized his dream of looking like Romain Zago of being a swimsuit model. 

Things begin with Adriana de Moura and Joanna Krupa meeting for breakfast to discuss why they hate each other. Joanna stuck to non-alcoholic beverages and that ensured that no eggs were thrown in anyone's face (boring!) despite Adriana being an hour late. In the end Adriana apologizes for calling Joanna "Ho-anna" and insinuating she was an escort, although she tries to blame the whole thing on Lea Black! All is good… for now! Personally I don't know how Joanna resisted the urge to knock that goofy white hat off Adriana's head. 

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rhom-recap

I dunno… maybe Real Housewives of Miami is growing on me. It's so… glossy. I mean, I'm a girl who loves a soap opera and since reality TV is just as staged and melodramatic as Revenge, why not amp up the glamour and make it look as glossy as Revenge. Although if Emily Thorne ever sports leopard print tuxedo trousers with a neon racing stripe Imma have serious issues.  

So last night the bionic blonde trio of Lea Black, Joanna Krupa, and Fembot Fakenstein traveled to LA for a little wedding planning. You wouldda thought it was the first time these broads had been on an airplane before with all the handycam footage they were shooting. Lisa gleefully popped a tranquilizer of some sort then put both legs behind her head contortionist style and bragged that Lenny really likes that move. Um… I have never seen an adult woman that flexible – even in yoga – did she get her hipbones removed or something? Is she entirely made of high-grade silicone. She's definitely a fembot. 

Then they arrive at Joanna's LA home, which is really pretty. Lisa looses track of her giant suitcase, which weighs approximately double what she does even when she wears 7" platforms. It starts rolling away from her down the driveway. She takes off after it fearing for the life of her Louboutins and ends up in the street desperately tripping over the giant thing. That was seriously the funniest scene I've ever seen on this show. It was classic and adorable. 

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