Last night while watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I came to an important realization. I now understand why these women never eat and how they manage to stay so thin. If every time you sat down at a dinner table a massive fight broke out wouldn't you have dinner-induced trauma and be reduced to guzzling wine instead? They probably all go home and stuff microwaved popcorn in their faces while standing over the kitchen sink and ruminating about the days before they sold their souls to Bravo. But hey – at least those size 2s fit!
Yesterday's episode was more of the same. Same arguments, same players, same storyline, same snarky recapper wanting to hurl things at the screen. It started out OK, as it always seems to, but then quickly degenerated into the congealed, fetid remains of last night's dinner. Even Yolanda Foster was reduced to drinking tequila.
Most of the girls were in Vegas watching in awe as Brandi Glanville's legs twined around a stripper pole and slid gracefully to the floor. "Welcome to Night School For Girls!" she announced popping up with 3/4 of her boob also popping out. Splits Richards makes an important mental note to have Mauricio hypnotized into thinking Brandi is a revolting, wretched, shit-stirring drama queen again. He must not fall under her spell!
The women of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills seem to be following in the footsteps of their Bravo counterparts. Every day one of them is giving an exclusive interview, and usually at the expense of one of their cast members. Now Camille Grammer is hoping that the hatefulness will end. Or at least that's what she's saying so that she'll stay in the tabloids.
Adrienne Maloof is also working overtime to make sure that she remains relevant, and what better way to do that then to keep reminding us of her May-December romance with Sean Stewart. Enough already! She actually goes so far as to call herself a trendsetter. Yes, you read that correctly. And no, I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Um… somebody's about to get his charred chicken handed right back to him on a silver platter. And that person is eternal Adrienne Maloof mouthpiece Chef Bernie!
TMZ reports that Paul Nassif has filed a lawsuit against Bernie Guzman for unspecified damages, claiming the chef blackmailed and extorted him - and then slandered his reputation by falsely accusing him of spousal abuse!
Well one thing is certain – Brandi forced Adrienne to fess up to the rent-a-uterus. And she gave Adrienne a storyline for the first time ever. Way to go Adrienne – you're finally semi-relevant!
While that is all fine and good, Adrienne is holding firm in her accusations that Brandi ruined her family and destroyed her children's innocence. Oh Adrienne – give it a rest already. I agree with Brandi you claimed their father was abusing you and your children in the media – and that is much worse!
The battle between Adrienne Maloof and Brandi Glanville rages on! In response to Brandi recently revealing that Adrienne's ex-husband Paul Nassif apologized to her over the lawsuit – and for some of his behaviors, Adrienne is speaking out and she is feeling anything but contrite!
“It’s the ultimate betrayal,” the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star tells Life & Style. “It’s extremely hurtful.” Apparently Brandi and Paul have forged something of a friendship in the last two months – even exchanging text messages – and Adrienne finds Brandi's motives to be extremely suspect!
“I believe getting close to Paul is a ploy on Brandi’s part to make herself more relevant," Adrienne elaborates. “I feel the sudden friendship with him was thought out and vindictive.”
Last night marked a lot of positives for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. One those being that there was absolutely no Taylor Armstrong drunken drama to report. And the ladies went to Las Vegas and GOT. ALONG! *gasp* Of course, being that this is Bravo and they like to traumatize and put us through undue emotional strain, there were also some drawbacks. Namely she whose face melts like a crayon left in the sun. Versions 1 & 2!
Things begin with Yolanda Foster, her fridge, her lemonpalooza, and her Hermes belt hosting an anti-aging conference. Yolanda explains that scary plastic surgery zombies who pump their faces full of toxins need to accept that aging is natural and that moving one's face is too. I think we just discovered why Yolanda doesn't like Adrienne Maloof or Faye Resnick - she doesn't agree with their "grooming" habits or the fact that even while crying, screaming, and attempting to smile their faces look like blobs of dough with eye and nose holes.
Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I do not believe Mrs. Foster4.0 is immune to the needle of 'tox. That forehead is awfully smooth for a woman of her age. I don't believe lemons are solely responsible for her refined pores. Do you?
It's nice to know Paul Nassif isn't a man to hold a grudge – even against his ex-wife Adrienne Maloof which is really saying something considering the allegations she made during their divorce process.
"As long as she's happy, that's all I care about," he told TMZ. As for whether or not he's still a Rod Stewart fan, Paul said "of course!"
Moving on, Brandi Glanville (and her thigh-high slit) appeared on Good Day LA to promote her new book Drinking & Tweeting – and her dress line Brand B. And by the looks of things only people who look like Brandi herself could pull them off!
Our favorite reality TV stars can’t get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!