Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we got the answer to an important question: Who is Faye Resnick in this world? She is morally corrupt, desperate, ruthless, ill-mannered and really quite frankly a hot judgmental mess. Hey honey you got your camera time and you got to do it all while wearing a Barbie's Dream Collection seafoam Mother-of-the-bride inspired tacky-a$$ nightmare. No amount of borrowed David's Bridal will make you a lady!
I really wish I didn't have to discuss Fayded Retchnick at all on this blog because I don't want to give her any attention or satisfaction – which is exactly what people like her are looking for – but I suppose I have to. But before we are forced to contend with the horrible…
Things begin with Lisa Vanderpump and Ken planning their vow renewal. Lisa is nervous and cute about a public display, but she knows it means a lot to Ken. And most endearingly after 30 years of marriage you can tell they truly do adore each other and are blissfully happy.
Now that's she's quit her day job, Adrienne Maloof is investing her efforts in various business ventures. There are hooves and tinsels and purses as plastic as her mug – and there is also Zing Vodka, endorsed by Chris Brown!
My mother always told me that good things happen to good people. When I would complain that the mean girl always seemed to get the dream guy or the amazing job, she would remind me that mean people are often miserable no matter what successes they have. She'd say we should feel bad for those who are so hateful and be thankful to have love in our hearts and not be one of those people. Snarking on reality stars aside, I think it's sound advice…and she was right! Just look at Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!
Brandi Glanville has struggled to get back on her feet after a nasty and public divorce, and she's tried to be as straightforward and honest (if not totally brash) when it comes to her life. Her frankness and sharp tongue have proven to be Brandi's greatest allies as she gets the last laugh on her haters. Likewise, Adrienne Maloof, who had me fooled season one, has channeled her inner mean girl, and it's not very becoming.
“She stiffed me. I was not pleased … Also I feel it was bad for her because, why let six women have the last word on an entire season? I think she should have been there to speak her mind, and she may be surprised with some of the directions the conversations took.”
That's right, last weekAdrienne Maloof announced she would not return to the show that made her tacky a nation-wide horror and for that we mourn. Or snark. And you know what that means: it's time for a Housewives Retrospective!
And without further ado, we say good-bye to out first lady of terrible facelifts, Adrienne!
Oh dear! We're on Real Housewives War, Vol 2 million. Last week comedian Chelsea Handler had a rather lackluster and brutal appearance on Watch What Happens Live. She openly told Andy Cohen that his brainchild, The Real Housewives franchise, was awful.
"I think that franchise is kind of a terrible thing," Chelsea remarked to Andy. "Women shouldn't be making money off of the fact that they have fake books, fake vaginas, fake whatever. I actually don't support that."
When Andy reminded her that she'd had some Housewives as guests, Chelsea quickly clarified she had "one," Bethenny Frankel. "Not even Brandi Glanville," Chelsea pointed out.
"I love the Housewives," Chelsea quipped sarcastically. Ironically for someone complaining about how fake the Housewives are, Chelsea dear has had a whole lotta botox. Dang girl – surprised you can move that mouth slapped into the middle of a too-tight shiny face.
Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the ladies left Paris. They returned to the BH where the antics picked up where they left off and we learned Faye Resnick hadn't fallen off the face of the earth in their stead but instead was just waiting frozen faced and clammy in the cryogenic chamber for their return.
Splits Richards opened her very own boutique cause she's bored all day and if Kathy Hilton did it why can't she? And oh yeah – Taylor Armstrong got a rude awakening! Sweet justice.
Things begin with Splits waltzing onto the Ledo Deck in a full-on circus tent refashioned into a skirt. Apparently said skirt, a cacophony of patterns and colors, is available for $900 at her store. Oh, Kyle… at least you never lose hope! There's that right? I was a wee bit disappointed she didn't hop onto the mast for a full-flying Titanic rendition.
Adrienne was reportedly using the relationship as leverage to return for season 4, but producers were disinterested in the idea. That must of been the nail in the coffin for this publicity stunt relationship!
"They've decided to distance themselves and become friends. Nothing bad happened," an Adriennesource tells Us Weekly. "They're still going to hang out as friends, they enjoy each other's company."