This season of Real Housewives of Orange County has been the equivalent of friendships in a blender, as the ladies have swapped buddies, traded aliases, and gotten us all mixed up with the flavors! First, Tamra Barney and Gretchen Rossibecame BFFLs, bonding over blowjob helpers and bad dye jobs. And now, Alexis Bellino and Vicki Gunvulson have apparently discovered they have much more in common than their television jobs—the Bravo one, obviously, not the newscastering one.
While it’s no stretch to see Tamretchen joined at the hip and cackling, Vicki and Alexis (Vilexis?) are quite the odd couple. But apparently, Paula Abdul was right and opposites attract.
Taking to her Bravo Blog, Alexis explains how she and Vicki went from enemies, to frienemies, to friends. “The friendship between Vicki and I wasn’t immediate. It has taken three years for Vicki and I to GROW into our friendship. Yes, Vicki said some mean things about me in the past, and yes I wasn’t always the kindest to her. However, we have both been very open about the fact that we wanted to try to make amends over three years, NOT OVERNIGHT!”
And, of course, their former best friends defecting to enemy lines had absolutely nothing to do with Vilexis’ bond. “Vicki and I were trying to make amends last year, before Tamra ever thought about scheming a friendship with Gretchen, so don’t let Tamra or Gretchen fool you that Vicki and I are only friends because those two became friends.”
“The friendship between Vicki and I is not out of convenience, nor is it contrived. Vicki and I have both said we have nothing to dislike the other person for, and we really enjoy being around each other,” Alexis adds. “Not only that, but Vicki apologized to me for everything in the past and said that if Tamra hadn’t been in her ear she would have gotten to know me and befriended me sooner.”
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County the ladies went “glamping.” Apparently this is a thing. I feel deprived that I’ve never heard of it. Well, except for the 32,000 times I’ve watched Troop Beverly Hills. Too bad no Red Feathers jumped out of the bushes to steal their wine!
Things start out with Vicki Gunvalson paying a visit to her formerly big-boobed friend Tamra Barney. Poor little Tammie Sue is just that – little; as in now her boobs barely exist. Vicki is disappointed Tamra has gone for the Big R (reduction). And warns her those new itty-bitty things she stuck on her chest with the new itty-bitty dime-sized nipples were a mistake, namely because who wants to look, you know, like they have normal sized boobs and lose feeling in their nipples.
Tamra questions Vicki about the fight with Sarah Winterchester, of the Beaumont Winterchesters, of the boot-leg handgun smuggling operation. She’s a direct descendant of the other Sarah Winterchester – who had no children, didn’t you know? Anyway, Vicki tells Tamra that Sarah is crazy and Alexis Bellino, of all people, called her about it. Tamra is flummoxed and if her boobs weren’t tightly bound with sixteen layers of ace bandage, her nipples would have perked up like little antenna on alert for weirdness. See, Vicki hates Alexis – she’s dumb! And Vicki called Jim Bellino a “smelly dork.” #truth. Vicki is apparently changing her tune about ol ‘Lex – and defends their friendship by explaining, “You can’t fix stupid.” Ok, then!
Tamra thinks Vicki is befriending Alexis out of spite because she became friends with Gretchen Rossi. And Tamra just wants Vicki to know she sees right through her schemes – which are as transparent as those of her own. Birds of a feather, ladies, birds of a feather…
So glamping is happening. Glamping is glamorous camping. A rare and special art-form invented and perfected by Phyllis Nefler – my Queen, and, I imagine, many of yours. Who else thinks Heather Dubrow fancies herself a bit of a grown-up Chica Barnfell?
Alexis is stuffing marshmallows into ziplock bags with her glammy, turned assistant, turned post-op nurse, turned hanger-on-famewhore, turned friend, Shannon. Not that I think their relationship is suspect or anything. Shannon is twittering about how cute and fun this trip is going to be and how Alexis is amazing for pulling it all together – nose job and all! Is this the longest nose job recovery in recorded history or what?
Apparently, Alexis is still not allowed to bend over, but she can go glamping if she brings someone – not a nurse – just someone with her in case her nose starts to bleed. So if Shannon sees blood she has to rush over to wipe it. I’m sure there’s some spare Alexis Couture handy.
Also, glamping: Heather, Vicki, Briana, and possibly Gretchen. Tamra, is unfortunately, also recovering from plastic surgery and is forced to stay home. Although Tamra would rather have major surgery than be stuck in the woods with Alexis, so something tells me Bravo wouldn’t have been able to convince her to go no matter what! Unless there was some cabin pranking happening, ala The Parent Trap!
Eddie visits Tamra at home. The finger he broke on the mud rug is now set in some sort of epic cast. Poor Eddie. Through it all he is carrying a massive vase of flowers – that neither he nor Tamra are allowed to really be lifting so they do this awkward, unnerving, juggling thing to transport it to the coffee table. Tamra’s house is a little depressing – she needs some decor and some paint.
Tamra whips out her old implants (which she is handily using as ice bags) to show Eddie just how huge her knockers once were! I so knew she was going to save those puppies – and I so bet she sent them to Simon as a final parting gift. She probably threw them in the envelope with the signed divorce papers. And that is why I love Tamra – she totally knows how weird she is. Tamra stacks both boobie bags on top of each other to demonstrate that is how big one of Alexis‘ boobs are – holy wazoo!
Eddie tells her the new chest looks beautiful and natural – and a lot less hooker/stripper than than the old one. And they both honk the newbies for a test-drive.
Meanwhile, Gretchen is preparing for glamping with a special packing list Slave Smiley has prepared for her. Again, he doesn’t work for her. He’s just doing what a “supportive partner” does. Cook, clean, micro-manage, secretarial duties, grunt labor…. Slave doesn’t want Gretchen to go glamping, and he really doesn’t even want her to talk. He so just doesn’t want to hear her voice. He insists she text him with her needs and wants. Again, he doesn’t work for her.
Gretchen wants to go cause it would mean so much to Alexis. On the other hand she has this chance of a lifetime Pussycat Dolls Performance coming up and her voice is still hoarse and raspy. You know, it really is a once in a lifetime opportunity for Gretchen as no one, ever again, would hire her to sing.
Slave still doesn’t think she should go citing it’s his job to make sure she is rested and ready to go for the PCD – it’s his only responsibility, in fact. Hey, he said it – not me! Gretchen agrees she’ll stay home and not talk. Just a reminder: He doesn’t work for her.
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On Tuesday’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County, viewers were reminded of how delusional Alexis Bellino is with her Katie Kourig-ing, and why they don’t like Jim Bellino one bit! Well, now the Bible thumping couple is speaking out in defense of their marriage and insisting they’re right with each other and the teachings of Jesus.
Taking to his own blog, created purely to dispel the myth of Bravo editing (which is why he supposedly stopped appearing on the show in the first place), Jim explains that his marriage is actually very balanced and supportive.
“This dinner was more than two hours long, but what viewers will see is a two-minute segment put together for TV that doesn’t really show you the in-depth conversation and the detailed discourse that was had,” Jim begins. Adding that while he is “no theologian” the bible evokes that “a husband and wife shall be like-minded in life’s journey.”
“As the head of the household, I know that ultimately it is my responsibility to ensure that balance is always a priority, and that’s exactly what I was thinking about during my dinner with Alexis.” (Bolded By Jim for dramatic effect!). And Jim says his scrutiny over Alexis’ schedule was purely out of concern for her happiness.
“If you looked up one morning to ﬁnd that your wife had three jobs and was running two companies, would you not want to address it with her, out of concern that she may become overwhelmed?;” he wonders. “Alexis is her own person, and I am not married to her to decide what challenges she takes up—I am here as her partner in marriage and in life to remind her of the big picture, just as she does for me.”
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Things start out with our fair maiden Tamra visiting the manor atop a hill overlooking the sea. No this isn’t Once Upon A Time, it’s still RHOC and Tamra is merely visiting Heather‘s house. She muses about the view while gulping over the sheer abundance. See, unlike the ladies of RHOBH Tamra isn’t used to such opulence or actual wealth.
Heather calms Tammie Sue down by pouring wine down her throat and then announces she is hosting a bowling and champs party. Except champs is pronounced shamps. Heather finds this to be a clever thing to do and is quite amused with herself for coming up with another unconventional party to keep the ladies on their toes. She loves mixing the up with the down and the fun with the irregular – like taking a helicopter to LA for the day, for instance. She cited that as an actual example.
Heather reveals her true motivation is not to show off her quirky, yet classy, party planning techniques but to get the girls together to mend fences. And there went the class she was anticipating – out the window, over the cliffs, and right on into the Pacific. Maybe some lifeguard will pick it up down in Juarez (if the ocean current even runs that way – geography eludes me).
Tamra gulps back her wine, smiles a tense smile, and comments that, like, Vicki and Gretchen kind of hate each other. Heather smiles, nods, and is like ‘duh, that’s the point!’ in response. Heather has the oddest smile doesn’t she? It’s like the Chesire Cat grin with no teeth? I’m not the only one seeing this, am I? Maybe I shouldn’t drink wine and watch HW?
One other small snafu – Tamra will not be able to attend. She’s getting her titties reduced that week and will be out for the count. No bowling and champers for this girl. Too bad, cause I bet Tammie Sue had a mean strike back in ’85 when she was the hook-up queen of BFE, Idaho or wherever she’s from. All big hair and bigger balls. But not quite those big bazoonkas – those came later when she became the hook-up queen of ’98 in Orange County.
Tamra and Heather talk Brooks Ayers and Vicki. Tamra, proving she’s a good friend, is worried for Vicki because she thinks Brooks is a little like a shark who smells blood in the water and is swooping in for the kill. He senses that Vicki is vulnerable and tired of her love tank running on fumes, so he’s saying anything in his power to sweet talk the little rich desperada.
Proving just that, Brooks and Vicki do lunch and he opens the date with a card. Is this man keeping Hallmark in business or what? Does Vicki need a storage unit to house all those affirmations? Does she have a special box devoted to the cards that reassure her she does not look like Miss Piggy? Vicki says Brooks wants to move here, but is worried about leaving his children behind.
Anyway, Vicki and Brooks talk their love and it’s gross and I’m glad I wasn’t eating alongside them cause I would have surely asked for a doggybag and high tailed it out of there. Then Brooks asks Vicki what assets she’s getting in the divorce from Donn. That was so awkward. You know Bravo forced him to bring that up. She’s getting the big house, the house Jeana sold her that has tanked in value because Slave‘s stuff was hogging up the garage for close to a decade, and her retirement fund. Donn gets the beach house. And the dog.
Vicki tells us their love is a beautiful, fun ride down a winding scenic road and she is so thrilled that all her tanks are full. ALL her tanks? Is she the Starship Enterprise? She has reserve fuel now? Then she admits Brooks has access to all her accounts – email, banking, off-shore savings, whatever. A fun ride indeed – Vicki’s bank account is about to be as empty as her love tank. She loves that Brooks is romantical, unlike Donn who didn’t blow the mortgage payment on greeting cards. Loser. Tamra is right – this reeks of disaster!
Heather completes a Housewives rite of passage – the speakerphone invitation. Alexis can’t come ’cause she can’t bend over due to her nose job recovery. And Gretchen‘s voicemail insists you call Slave if you want to get a hold of her. So, lemme get this straight – Slave doesn’t work for Gretch, yet he fields her calls and deals with all her requests? Cause that sounds like what a personal assistant does? Is he her Slaveretary?
Alexis Bellino can’t bend over, but she can embarrass herself on the news. Seriously – was this Fox5’s idea of a practical joke? She does her make-up in the public restroom, then rushes out on stage and flubs one of the guest’s names. I kept waiting for her to mispronounce Adriana as areola or something. Then she kept interrupting the panel – which was on kids – and treating it as her own personal therapy session.
Surely this woman is not being paid? Alexis, proving that all the peroxide hair dying has destroyed the few brain cells she ever had, reveals that she wants her own show and she is, like, totally qualified because she took a journalism class in college. First of all – she went to college? AHA! AHA HA! Yeah, Not buying that! Second of all – remember all that stuff that was supposedly removed from her sinuses? I’m pretty sure those were actually her three remaining brain cells.
And all roads apparently lead to delusion tonight, because Gretchen is in the car with Slave driving to a voice coach for her Pussycat Dolls Appearance. Didn’t you know – they’re like a world-renowned dance troupe? Anyway, she’s on the phone telling someone that she strained her vocal chords screaming at Vicki and they’ve never recovered.
At the voice lesson she cannot even muster a chord. Nor is she allowed to speak to the vocal coach because Slave keeps interrupting to explain that Gretchen shouldn’t talk cause she’s straining her voice. Who else thinks he’s just trying to shut her up? Seriously – both of them please play the silent game. For the rest of the season.
Then Gretch starts practicing her scales. And all I can say is that vocal coach’s facial expressions made last night’s episode all worth it for me. That “singing” was like an American Idol reject audition. Oh, holy it was bad. Worse than bad. It was … wow – I don’t have words.
Alexis and her king do dinner. It’s date night! So Jim Bellino ruins it by telling Alexis her job is pathetic and she should basically stay at home in rent-a-mcmansion of the week and wash dishes. Right after Alexis gets done talking about how proud she is that she helped provide for her family in a bad economy while Jim’s scamming suffered and how she is so happy they could work together; Jim reminds her that when they married they became the same flesh. Except her half of the flesh does a lot of cleaning and not a lot of bread-winning.
He then tells her that while Alexis Couture is still pretty much a joke, it can stay if she continues running it from the basement, but Fox 5 needs to go. According to him Alexis only agreed to do it because she has a hard time telling people no. Clearly she would rather be at home hard-boiling eggs. Alexis is furious and retaliates by savagely chomping her poor french fry.
Oh Jim. Remember when you swore that you were not going to appear on camera because this show made you look bad? Well, perhaps you should revisit that proclamation because once again you are looking like a misogynistic ass. Although, a part of me believes he just wants Alexis to save herself the embarrassment of further faux newscastering. Good lord – she is awful! Maybe it was goodness and kindness and love that made him tell her to quit. Or maybe he was mortified by her weekly news cameltoe and cleavage display.
Poor Alexis squeakingly admits in her ITM that she doesn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom anymore. Then she looks around to check if Jim is lurking behind her eavesdropping. You make that money girl – you need it to pay for the divorce attorney!
Tammie Sue is getting her old titties yanked out in exchange for some natural-sized boobies. She’s nervous as heck, but it’s sure as hell better than keeping the boobs Simon forced her to get. I like her style. She can wrap up the old implants and send them to Simon for Christmas. Eddie has serious concerns about these new so-called small boobs, but Tamra is resolved.
And reason no 6,476 why I wouldn’t be on a reality show: being contractually obligated to participate in post-op filming. <<shudder>> After calling Vicki, who is too busy raising money to pay for Donn‘s alimony and Brooks‘ child support working, here comes Gretchy, sucking up. Gretchen could come ’cause she has no job to speak of. I thought she wasn’t allowed to talk? She reapplies Tamra’s lipgloss, which is apparently more necessary than water, and whips out a bottle of Penis Tequila.
Here’s the backstory: Gretchen joined RHOC as the supposed fiancé of millionaire Jeff Beitzel, who was suffering from leukemia. Jeff passed away shortly after filming ended in 2008. Jay allegedly contacted Tamra Barney to spill the news that Gretchen was lying about her relationship to Jeff and using him to be on the show meanwhile he, Jay, was her real boyfriend! Whoopsie! Tamra confronted Gretchen, which began their seasons long feud.
Gretchen attempted to file a restraining order against Jay, but it was summarily dismissed. Thus began the long drawn-out court battle between Jay and Gretchen over defamation, etc. Gretchen was supposed to pay all of Jay’s legal fees after she lost her court case against him. He retaliated with a defamation lawsuit, and she filed a countersuit.
Well, finally Gretchen and Jay will be facing-off in a civil trial that could get very interesting! The National Enquirer (a more reliable source than you’d think) is reporting that Jay’s attorneys recently deposed Gretchen and she changed her story about when she allegedly met Jay.
Gretchen had previously claimed he was a “family friend” and they briefly dated before Jeff entered the picture. “Jay Photoglou is nothing more than a thief and liar. Jay and I had a short-lived relationship BEFORE Jeff and I dated,” she said of the situation way back in 2009.
During the deposition, Gretchen also admitted that she “spent time with Jay on at least four separate occasions after she got engaged to her now-deceased fiance.” When the attorneys sought more information she refused to answer further. Just so you know, multiple photos of Jay and Gretchen from that time period are floating around the web – damn that trusty time stamp – including ones that show them hanging out with Alexis and Jim Bellino!
Which brings us to the reason the ladies of RHOC will likely be involved in the civil suit. Jay is planning to subpoena several of Gretchen’s former and current castmates to testify against her, concerning when she met Jay and the type of relationship they shared! On the short list is: Tamra, Peggy Tanous,Lynne Curtain, and guess who? Alexis!
“No matter what, Gretchen is not going to like it when her fellow housewives have to spill the beans about her relationship with Jay Photoglou,” said an insider reveals. “I’m sure no matter what they say, it won’t help Gretchen’s case.” I’m not sure why Gretchen continues to pretend she is innocent in all of this – it’s ridiculous!
What’s interesting about this situation is that Alexis was formerly one of Gretchen’s closest friends, but she has since defected! After a tension-filled season where Alexis openly admitted she is unhappy about Gretchen’s newly burgeoning friendship with Tamra; Jesus Barbie is now speaking out about her new friendship with Vicki Gunvalson!
“Vicki and I have finally turned over a new leaf. We’ve started hanging out outside of the show, which has been nice,” Alexis shares with WetPaint. “I would say I’m cautiously optimistic about it.”
Alexis adds that it’s difficult for her to get past some of the negative things Vicki has said about her in the past, but she wants to think happy thoughts. “I try not to dwell on it,” she explains. “I want to live in the moment and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I think, back when Vicki said all those things about me, she was in a really unhappy place. Now, she’s happy again and in a better place and so far, we’re getting along just fine.”
Proving this friendship is indeed real, Vicki recently tweeted a photo of them at an event. The photo is below!
While, Alexis and Vicki have made amends, and Tamra and Gretchen are now BFF, there’s two people who just can’t see eye-to-eye: Gretchen and Vicki! Gretchen recently spoke out saying she doesn’t “respect” Vicki and has no interest in a relationship with her. And HollywoodLife reveals that things have evolved into a full-fledged feud!
“There’s a feud between Gretchen and Vicki,” the source says. “And Vicki and Alexis are bonding over it. They are also both visibly annoyed about Gretchen and Tamra’s new friendship.” Things are so acrimonious, Gretchen intentionally skipped Vicki’s recent 50th birthday party, which was attended by all of her other castmates!
And finally, Vicki is doing what she does best – talking about herself! In a new interview with US Weekly, Vicki shares her secrets to longevity as a Housewife!
“Number one, I’m the original; Number 2, I’ve allowed the cameras to enter all parts, all facets of my life; and I signed up for this!;” Vicki believes these are the reasons she’s lasted seven seasons on the show. She said her approach to filming is, “This is my reality — come on in through all the issues and struggles and trials — and good times!”
Vicki also adds that things get pretty testy with Tamra as the season goes on – including an epic fight in the season finale where their friendship faces the ultimate test. Things are good between the two now. “We were able to mend the fences and kinda get through it,” she says. “Will I ever forget? uh-huh.” Juicy! I wonder what happened!?
You can watch the video of Vicki talking RHOC below!
THOUGHTS ON GRETCHEN AND JAY’S LATEST COURT BATTLE? WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON? IS ALEXIS’ FRIENDSHIP WITH ALEXIS AUTHENTIC? SURPRISED VICKI AND TAMRA HAD SUCH SERIOUS ISSUES?
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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County the ladies got to mudslinging, only this time it involved actual mud for a change! In other news, Tamra Barney is officially divorced and Vicki Gunvalson is officially the most insecure fifty-year-old I’ve ever encountered. Oh, and Alexis Bellino revealed her new nose, which we’ve already seen 10,000 times before, so that was no big whoo-hoo.
Things start out with the Queen of the OC and resident class act, Heather Dubrow taking her husband shopping. Apparently, this is What Not To Wear, the Dr. Dubrow edition. Sadly, Stacy London and Clinton Kelly did not appear with a bevy of secret footage and a red trash can. Hopefully they’re saving that for Vicki, but I digress.
Terry does need a make-over and hopefully David Austin, world’s greatest clothier in all the world will help him – for a cool $50k. “You’re gonna look mmmaaaavalous!;” Heather purs; prying Terry’s wallet from his shaking hands with a malicious glint in her eye. Terry will no longer embarrass his perfect wife at cocktail parties with his outmoded and pedestrian appearance. Oh no – there is a new Terry in town and this one has both black and white tie attire!
I must admit – it’s nice to see some old-school traditional HW action of spending ostentatious amounts of money and actually being able afford it. We hope… . If they declare bankruptcy next year, we’ll know they’ve been struck by the Teresa Giudice curse!
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