Last night on the season premiere ofReal Housewives of Miami, Bravo tried to make lemons out of lemonade by teasing us with a fancypants literary reference and dangling feuds and jealousy in our faces. Aaaah, a Tale Of Two Miamis it is not – at least not yet. No, it was more like a tale of bored Housewives doing what they do best: show off, bicker, drink, and surgically alter themselves. Keep on being you, senoritas!
Alas, things begin with a kicky opening montage of the new girls describing how Old Miami is a thing of the past (you think?) and new Miami is all them. Thus far, Old Miami looks a lot like New Miami and New Miami seems like they want to be Old Miami – if that makes sense. We jump into things by meeting the new girls and checking in with the old ones. And up first is Marysol Patton and and oldest of th Miami bunch, Mama Elsa.
Marysol had a tumultuous year. Unfortunately she separated from her husband Philippe (whom we saw her getting married to on a mountain in Aspen) and he has since moved out. So… storyline wedding? Or storyline divorce? Anyway, Mama Elsa thinks it's for the best. In other Marysol updates, she has been seeing a new psychic behind Mama's back and that psychic saw her RHOM contract and informed her she would be meeting a whole bunch of new girls that would cause drama. Gee.. I think I would ask for a REFUND.
Real Housewives of Miami is kicking things off tonight! Following a supremely lackluster response to the first season, a complete cast overhaul happened to spice things up.
Well, apparently it worked! The ladies are making the rounds to promote the show and they promise it is very, very dramatic and fans will not be disappointed. I'm slightly afraid by that proclamation. I sometimes like boring. I know, I know…
Anyway, season one survivor Lea Black vows this season is a totally new ball game. "I think a lot's different," she told the Today Show. "I think the mix of the new girls has made it hot, spicy, wild, crazy, fun and … a few other things have gone on."
And just what "other things" have gone on? Oh, you know the usual Housewives antics. "More drama than ever," Lea revealed, playing coy. "And it heats up as the season progresses."