Last night was the final episode of Real Housewives of Miami. It went the way all reunions go with cocktail dress clad and overly spray-tanned women screaming at each other over an utterly useless Andy Cohen. We were spared an Elaine Lancaster appearance. We were rewarded with a Mama Elsa appearance. And we all got tired of Ana Quincoces making herself sound silly by taking repeated jabs atLea Black's age.
C'mon now – if you're gonna rip someone apart you have to be clever about it. (See: Leakes, NeNe, "Wigs" "Trashbox" "Close Your Legs To Married Men!") That's just elementary, like Housewives 101.
Things begin with a drama in review. And that unfortunate drama is Joe Francis and Joanna Krupa's reported unsavory past. Joanna clears up that she was never in Girls Gone Wild but instead hosted an infomercial with Snoop Dog. She also insists she did not "sleep" or "associate" with criminals.
Ana leaps in to accuse Lea of bringing Joe to the party as a "prop" to set Joanna up. Lea denies it, shrieking that Ana is making yet another false accusation and suggests Ana stick to cooking where hopefully she can keep her ingredients straighter than her facts. I wish Lea had said ingrediences.
Ana keeps speaking over everyone and answering for them. Annoying. Shht! The drama over the bitchslap, broom stick wielding, boob-exposing meltdown continues. Yes, let's talk about this some more. It was actually a productive conversation. Adriana de Moura apologized for smacking Joanna and she was disgusted for herself for getting physical. Apparently Adriana was depressed for days following the incident.
Everyone starts a new year with good intentions, right? Even reality stars! While I'm sure they all have a bevy of things they'd like to improve upon (one would hope!) we thought we'd give them a little help in that department. Below are some of the New Year's Resolutions we wish some of our favorite reality stars would make.
Kim Kardashian: 'Please let my mom leave me alone – I resolve to try and say no to her and stop putting all my embarrassing and indecent moments on TV. I really don't want to have to pull a baby out of my vagina on Keeping Up With The Kardashians like Kourtney did. Does being pregnant mean my child has already sold its soul to E!? I hope not. And I resolve to let being pregnant get more media coverage than that icky divorce. Hopefully my next TV wedding will be less of a mess.'
We really, really hope ol' Kimmie Kakes embraces the notion of privacy. Especially less nudie pics on Twitter and less revealing clothing. We've already seen it all, anyway. #sextape #playboy
Last night on the Real Housewives of Miami reunion some serious grievances were aired. I mean grievances I didn't even know existed! Somewhere like a shot in the dark Ana Quincoces developed a case of the haters for Lea Black. Did I miss something here? Supposedly the tift originated from a blog Lea did snarking on Ana's kids. Whatever spurned this, it got nasty – not nasty nice – just straight up nasty. To me it reeked of eau de desperate to salvage a S3 contract!
Something about Ana speaking over people, speaking constantly forMarysol Patton, and suddenly developing a sneering distaste for everyone last night just didn't resonate well with me. I mean who died and made her Andy Cohen moderator of this reunion? Not Andy! I mean maybe she was over the BS all these women spout, but listen lady YOU signed up for reality TV and this is what RH of anywhere is. If you can't take the heat, maybe stop quooking.
There's telling the truth and then there's being an ass. And what was that folder Ana was waving around that was swiftly snatched away in the editing portion of the show? Rumors speculate it was "proof" that Lea was up to some salacious behaviors prior to becoming the illustrious Mrs. Black. Other rumors speculate it exposed details of the Black's financials, including those pertaining to the The Black Gala that could discredit the event.
Even though it's my job to blog on reality shows, and while I love every housewives franchise for different reasons, I have a hard time following the rumors swirling around the upcoming season of Real Housewives of New Jersey…mainly because it's exhausting. One minute Jacqueline Laurita is bowing out, the next minute most of the cast is being replaced by people who will actually film with Teresa Giudice. Add in the off-again-on-again family relationships and friendships, and my head is spinning!
However, this new gossip is beyond awesome. Two words: Lil' Kim. I'll get back to that later, but it's hilariously amazing. According to sources in the Garden State, all of the women will be returning for another round. Yes, that means we'll all be getting our fill of Jacq, Teresa, Melissa Gorga, Caroline Manzo, and Kathy Wakile. Not only will all of the ladies be back for more, we'll be treated to some additional familiar faces as well as some newcomers. Count on some Kims, that's for sure!
If Camille Grammer wasn't absent from the opening credits of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I'd never believe she's been demoted to "friend" of the housewives. She's more present now than she's been in past seasons. I'm not complaining…I think Camille is hilarious.
Her divorce from Kelsey Grammer has long been finalized, but their issues with each other are still as rampant as ever. The more I hear about Kelsey and his irresponsible and arrogant ways, the happier I am I never watched Frazier. To borrow a term from Andy Cohen, he seems to be quite the jackhole. Now Kelsey has taken their parenting war to an entirely different level by not allowing his children to mention Camille when they are with him. Explain to me how that isn't hard on those poor kids!?!
I mean, I don't doubt that Andy Cohen and his minions select ladies who are going to bring the drama and then puts them in situations which are going to create it to the umpteenth degree. The ladies of Beverly Hills are no different. Taylor Armstrong alone brings enough dramatics for a Broadway production.