I’m beginning to worry that Tom Sandoval and Jax Taylor have been on Vanderpump Rules for so long they now need hearing aids in addition to emotional crutches, because overnight Jax has turned into a crotchety old man with a hearing problem waving his finger around and complaining about bad kids with a turn up problem.
Everyone is still in Mexico (apparently a purgatory of all reality TV eternity) where Kristen Doute is flinging drinks at James Kennedy and Lala Kent, you know because they need a cold shower and to cool off. Or possibly for Raquel Leviss‘s sake. Or perhaps Kristen thought James’s bronzer was too intense? Actually that’s just James’s naturally perfect skin (I am obsessed and so jealous. It is PORELESS like a Noxema ad from 1992).
Whatever Kristen’s reasons for tossing a perfectly good cocktail has absolutely nothing to do with Kristen believing that James started a rumor that they hooked up. A rumor that Jax, not James, actually started and which James denied several times. James adds the only way he would’ve said anything of the sort is if he was drunk and joking.
Did I miss something on last night’s Vanderpump Rules? Did James Kennedy admit to hooking up “just a little” with Kristen Doute? Even more curious – did the cameras actually miss James and Kristen drunkenly hooking up?!
What I think I observed was a drunken game of telephone. Or whatever it’s called in the iPhone era. Probably something to do with Snapchatting and then sharing Snaps that were deleted and how you thought you were sexting your boyfriend SUPER ROB when in fact you were sending a disgraced Nigerian prince $300 to get his crown out of hock and on a plane to LA to bar tend into his future at SUR. I mean this could finally be the man for Scheana Marie!
Anyway! Using delightful time lapse, the episode opens hours early with Stassi Schroeder sitting on a beach with Katie Maloney and Kristen. The sand is soft and fuzzy – just like their drink-addled memories from every day the night before.
Every single cast member is really going through it during the current season of Vanderpump Rules. From making out with (and doing even more than that) with people outside of their relationships to arguing about pasta, almost every cast member has done something to instigate some backlash (and meme formation) from the fandom.
That’s why it’s tough to say who is “winning” this season. In a way, this could just go to the person who’s had the least amount of screen time because it would be someone with less opportunity for internationally televised embarrassment. Then again, not getting screen time, wouldn’t qualify as a “win” to most reality stars.
The best relationship on Vanderpump Rules doesn’t involved one of the actual couples. Without a doubt, the best pair on the show is Tom Schwartz and Tom Sandoval. They have the most loyalty and consistency out of every duo in the cast.
Nevertheless, there has been some tension teased between Tom and Tom at some point this season, but it doesn’t actually stem from something that happened between them. Schwartz and Sandoval discussed that, the idea of Jax Taylor becoming a father, and their thoughts on Lala Kent’s man Randall Emmett.
I’m so tired of hearing about Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright‘s pathetic relationship. I’m so tired of it that I’m actually in agreement with Tom Sandoval on the matter: Brittany stupidly chose to stay with Jax knowing he’s a low-down, dirty scoundrel, so leave her alone to stew in her own Kentucky fried juices.
I personally think Brittany loooooves laying on that accent, thick as a beer cheese dipped chicken wing, and playing damsel in distress. Not to the guys – Jax already rescued her from a Hooters farm in ‘tucky – but to the girls on Vanderpump Rules. They see it as their responsibility to rescue Brittany. Maybe because those that can’t do a decent relationship, try to micromanage other’s disaster relationships. Or maybe they know they’re all a lost cause but sweet, innocent Brittany of the slow blinking My Little Pony eyes and Dr. Pepper flavored Bonne Belle chapstick – they can save her from the Jaxing that destroyed Stassi Schroeder and so many before (and during and after) her!
So far, Stassi’s biggest drama this season was her birthday party freak out and tearful apology to Katie Maloney and Kristen Doutethe next day. Even so, she’s had some great on-camera interview commentary this year and she directed a lot of shade toward the Rob-sessed Scheana Marie.