As if two episodes of Shahs of Sunset in 48 hours isn't bad enough, this one kicks off withMercedes "MJ" Javid showing off her boobs. Thank goodness Bravo isn't broadcast in 3D. MJ says she's spent thousands of dollars trying to simultaneously keep her boobs under control, cinch her waist, and eliminate back fat – to no avail – so she has decided to design her own bra and shaping garment. MJ "shapes" the air right out her lungs, explaining, "I have the tiniest waist, it's just not being cinched properly." #delusional
Meanwhile, Jessica is converting to Judaism for Mike Shouhed, although he has yet to propose. Mike and Jessica go through the motions of a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony during class, and Mike starts to sweat. Mike reminds us that he used to be the MVP of Vegas (Most Valuable Persian) and I think about the smug Shahs of Sunset tagline, "We don't work in buildings. We own buildings." Now? Mike rents bus wraps, so he needs to get over himself and put a ring on Jessica's finger before someone else does.
Bravo treated us to an extra episode of Shahs of Sunset this week to boost viewership – IMO – and it worked! A whopping 1.977 million viewers tuned in to Shahs of Sunset on Sunday night, when only 978,000 bothered to watch the regularly scheduled episode just two weeks ago. I hope the Shahs of Sunset plan to send thank you notes to the Real Housewives of Atlanta.
As I expected, Reza lashes out at Mike, "How audacious are you to call me to uninvite me to a disgusting float that's an embarrassment to the gay community. I am disgusted." Reza hangs up on Mike, returns to asking Mirror, Mirror who is the finest gay Persian in all of L.A.
Reza later tells Adam that he's furious with Mike – how dare he be excluded from an event?!? But Reza had no issues cheering on his co-stars as they uninvited Mercedes "MJ" Javid and Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi from trips and parties last season. Reza tells Adam he needs time to decompress, which is code for, perfect a sob story that'll help justify his repugnant behavior.
"The intensity on Shahs is getting huge," tweeted GG. "So this week we'll be giving y'all an episode on Sunday and another on Tuesday! This is a one time thing so get ready for an amazing ride of drama!"
I believe Reza had issues with Sasha, but I definitely do not believe this was their first ever encounter. I think Reza is a very mean-spirited and disrespectful person, and the producers used it to their advantage this week.
First up, Mike Shouhed visits a dermatology and hair restoration clinic to find out if his hair needs professional help, as his asshat of a friend Reza has suggested. Then Mike bring Reza for moral support – Mike doesn't need hair help, he needs brain help. Reza never stops making fun of Mike. Mike puffs out his chest and says he's going to shave Reza's head and mustache ("that Burt Reynolds looking mother f–ker") while he's sleeping. Yeah, sure.
So, a doctor examines Mike's full head of thick black hair, then determines he's not balding. What. A. Nail. Biter. But the scene wasn't all for naught – we learn Mike suffers from ear dandruff. As well as poor taste in best friends.
Last week, Lilly confronted Asa, wanting to know why she didn’t speak up in her favor when Mercedes “MJ” Javid claimed nobody on Shahs of Sunset is her friend. Asa took to her Bravo blog to share, “MJ actually said, ‘These people were my friends FIRST,’ which is the truth and doesn’t need defending.”
“Second Lilly and MJ were exchanging catty remarks, and I don’t see how this is anybody’s business but theirs,” added Asa. “How are you going to have a fight with someone and then blame the other people? I really wish Lilly would get more real about things.” That’s rich coming from the Persian Pop Priestess (which means what exactly?) who manufacturers Diamond Water (which does what better than regular water exactly?).
Oh the holidays. A time to reflect on all we are thankful for. And I suppose I'm thankful for all the crazies reality TV brings to my life. Better them than me, right?! It's also a time for the joy of giving. And reality stars have given us so much. So, so much insanity!
In order to show our appreciation to the fabulous famewhores who give our TVs life, we decided to promote some of the products they ceaselessly churn out!