On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, the ladies of Jersey continued to fragment – but surprisingly so did the men! There was drunken debauchery, poison expulsion, and a fight! Oh, Joe G-to-the-iudice, why you such a mess?
Things begin with Jacqueline Laurita throwing the wayward Hatley Holmes out of the house. Except, Ashlee’s hatless now – she’s Lohan-esque instead (I would call her Injectibles Holmes, but people might think I’m talking about Jacqueline). Anyway, Jacs didn’t seem at all sad to see her go. And poor, once-promising Albie Manzo was sentenced to drive Ashlee to the airport. In the car she whines and fussed about flying and begs the aeronautics gods to make her 21 so she can get wasted before her flight. Then she brags about the time she drank a bottle of cough syrup through a straw to ease her fear of flying. That’s not completely cracktastic or anything! #rehab.
Albie compares Ashlee to Ke$ha but I think that’s too generous because at least Ke$ha has some semblance of talent (maybe?) and a career of some undeserved recognition.
Melissa Gorga pays a visit to Non-Juicy Joe where he is hard at work overseeing the development of buildings. She’s wearing some sort of tight, mini dress and Joe gooses her as they tour the facilities. Joe owns three buildings on the same street – one for each of their children. Melissa doesn’t get a building – she gets Joe and his poison instead. #luckygirl #sarcasm. They reminisce about a time when they had no money to buy diapers and were poor, poor while Joe was developing his buildings.
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They’re baaaaaaaaaaaack. So, last night was the Real Housewives of New Jersey premiere and well, I think it’s very clear how this is all shaking out. It’s Teresa Giudice vs. the world. Bring back Super T cause she needs that cape! From the very first moment of the show, it was evident the emotions are raw and palpable. And it was hard for me to watch. Dare I say, this is the realest any Real Housewives show has ever been!
Things begin with the Wakiles and Gorgas are at the shore house. Kathy Wakile is cooking of course. Someone brings up Teresa‘s cookbook and, conveniently, just so happens to have a copy. And Richie just so happens to read aloud from it in front of all the parties while Melissa Gorga looks uncomfortable. Everyone discusses how much Teresa has changed since fame swept her under it’s demon wing and flew her far away from the marble palace in the half-vacant sub-division, the orange tans, and the salty, sewery breeze of Jersey; to a place where she is honored and revered and not a pariah for her love of sequins and trash talk. Non-Juicy Joe (aka Joe Gorga – gosh it feels good to use the old nicknames again!) announces that as a family, they are moving past the cookbook insults. We all know that’s not true!
At Jacqueline Laurita‘s she is having a party to get Caroline Manzo and Teresa in the same room together. The Manzo spawn are still incensed about Terea’s comments in the cookbook and Caroline is all like ‘you don’t have to kiss my feet – but you better if you want me to accept this apology.’
Somebody brings up Ashley, Ashlee, Hatlee- whatever – and wonders it she’s still a complete loser. That’s an affirmative! Lauren Manzo, who’s become quite the Donette Caroline, quips that the only thing Ashlee has changed about her life is her hair color. Lauren, on the other hand, completed med school by aged 16 and is a doctor on TV, saving children’s lives. Oh wait – that was Doogie Howser.
Teresa shows up and things are prickly. She wants to talk to Caroline and apologize about the cookbook misunderstanding. What?! <<Head spinning>> She wants to handle something like an adult not chuck an onion at Caroline’s head and tell her to go to hell or something. Teresa sits Caroline down and basically says they were all jokes and Caroline should get over it, but she’s sorry she hurt her feelings. All said though, Teresa’s face was so full of emotion and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. It was odd. All these ladies seem so broken. Caroline doesn’t feel the apology is sincere (even though I think it was in Teresa’s way) but decides she’s going to co-exist with Teresa. They hug and Teresa tells Caroline she’s like family to her.
Meanwhile everyone else is prepping for the shore. At the Gorgas’ Joe tells Melissa Teresa thinks Melissa would leave him if she met a richer man. So this definitely seems like a family rebuilding. Melissa and Joe go back and forth about the Teresa issue; they’re both hurt and Teresa is totally out of line. Who says that? So when did Bravo rename this show The Teresa Experience?
Kathy and Richie are packing. Richie pulls out some sex oil and Kathy gets all squeamish, telling him to hide it so no one sees it. Yet – they’re talking about it on television… Right. If sexing up their marriage is going to be a storyline, don’t expect me to recap that. Kathy implores him to just be nice to Teresa and try to get along, since they’ll all be spending time together over the weekend.
Over at Teresa‘s they are also packing up for the shore. Teresa admits this has been a hard year for her with Joeww and his issues. Teresa says Joe has become the nanny and she is now the breadwinner. She loves having him help her around the house, except he’s still lumbering around like a caveman screaming at everyone and tantruming. In the middle of all the chaos, Melania calls Gia a “stupid pooper” BWAHAHA! – which needs to replace bitch and whore as the standard HW insult. Teresa threatens to wash her mouth out with soap unless she apologizes like she means it. Hmmm… maybe Caroline needs to try that approach with T!
In the car on the way there, Teresa asks Joe about what he did last night. Joe claims he was out with some girls! On business! Um, say what? Teresa and Gia‘s hair stands up on end and they’re both like ‘wadaya mean girls’? Joe barks that they need to stay outta his bizness – except that broke fool doesn’t have bizness. And he was at TGI Friday!
Teresa is well aware of the rumors that Joe is cheating on her and she tells him Gia knows too, so he better keep his legs closed! Who would have an affair with Joe? Teresa would cut you faster than you could say Boo. Dang, I get the shivers just thinking about it!
Later while Jr. Mafia Joe is preparing for prison by weight lifting, Teresa wafts in wearing her leopard print robe to confront him about Gia being aware of what goes on. Teresa cites a magazine article she did talking about him going to prison and says Gia is worried about it and can read things. A Giudice that can read? Impossible! Joe, in a rare moment of clarity, tells Teresa this is the life they chose by going on TV. Teresa wants to protect her girls, but Joe seems unconcerned.
The funniest part was the mouse poop in that slide thing they had all rolled up on the roof and all the girls freaking out. haha. I love Melania and she melts my heart. She’s totally a crazy Housewife in training!
At Jacqueline‘s she gets a visit from her lifecoach. Apparently Ashlee is completely out of control and only focused on partying. In fact several times she has gotten stranded in the city because she’s too drunk to get home and Chris has to pick her up in the middle of the night. Yikes. The lifecoach gives her the same advice she’s been getting for three years and hasn’t taken. So when are they buying Ashlee another car?
So, Caroline is menopausal – or pregnant with a change of life baby! No just kidding – although I just kept waiting and waiting for Bravo to pull that out. It could still happen! Maybe Kathy will get the middle-aged storyline this season. Anyway, Caroline’s been having migraines and has been increasingly short tempered. She blames the company she keeps and her children for deserting her. Then hastily adds that Lauren still lives at home though. The doctor tells her she’s getting old. ha
The Gorga’s arrive at their shore house, which used to be normal and quaint until Joe decided to blow it up into a mcmansion complete with a liberry and a roller rink. Sadly, it’s still a construction zone and not fit for habitation. Melissa glares at him and snaps – no sex for you. Tarzan’s not leaving the jungle tonight!
So they all cruise over to Rich and Kathy‘s place, where they proceed to talk about Teresa some more. Apparently Melissa just so happened to come accross Teresa’s In Touch Weekly cover. And after she drew devil horns and a mustache on Teresa’s face and sobbed that she wasn’t front and center, she read the article. Basically, Teresa admitted she was scared that Jr Mafia Joe may be headed to prison.
In Touch Weekly has just learned that Jacqueline was indeed a stripper at an illustrious and elegant establishment named the Glitter Gulch (a photo of the sign is below) — an off the strip joint that I’m sure is just as classy as Lookers ever was!
A former close friend of Jacqueline’s spoke to the mag and gave some pretty salacious details about the sweet-natured Housewives past. “She was a stripper at a Las Vegas club called the Glitter Gulch,” discloses the friend (some friend she is!). “She worked there from 1992 to 1993. Like all strip clubs, it was an awful place.”
“She was very young, she was newly divorced, and she was a single mother,” the friend reveals of Jacqueline’s decision to go into stripping.
In addition to her tumultuous past as a dancer, in 1996 Jacqueline was also arrested for assaulting her then live-in boyfriend! A different former friend tells the magazine that Jacqueline spent “several years” in a “volatile” relationship that culminated when she was arrested after she “slapped him in the face and punched him in the groin,” according to the police report!
“She go into an argument with her boyfriend because he came home later than he should have,” the report states. “She no longer wanted to speak to [him], so she went into the bedroom.” It also claims that the boyfriend “would not leave her alone and kept wanting to talk about why she was angry” which led to the aggression on her part.
Ashlee recently blogged about her mom’s alleged past and flat-out denies that their pre-Jersey life had anything to do with nudie bars. When asked by a fan she responded: “NO. Stereotype much? That rumor was actually started by Teresa Giudice and Danielle Staub (go figure — LOL!). Jealousy is an UGLY thing. My mom was NEVER a stripper. She’s a cosmetologist.”
“The rumor actually started when people heard we moved to NJ from Vegas when my mom’s fiancé (Chris) was from Jersey. Teresa and Danielle just put it in the press knowing it wasn’t true to start a problem. I don’t think my Mom really cared. She thought it was kind of flattering that people could believe that. Haha. Only her right?”
Shockingly, Jacqueline has been keeping quiet on her Twitter page — for now — which is a first for the loquacious Twitter-holic. Hopefully Jacqueline is focusing on friends and family and enjoying the holiday, despite the bad news coming to light.
I have to say all in all this is a bad week for the ladies of Jersey. A lawsuit, an indictment and now an expose. Hopefully 2012 will bring better things for the most drama-filled Housewives of them all!
But on a lighter note, following in the footsteps of Teresa,Melissa Gorgais now showing off her family Christmas Card photo! “Happy Holidays!! Our Christmas card will be in the Us Weekly tomorrow! But here is a little sneak peak!” wrote Melissa on her Facebook page. The adorable photo is below!
[Photo Credit: WENN.com]
DO YOU BELIEVE JACQUELINE WAS A STRIPPER? SHOULD JERSEY-STRIPPER GATE BE LAID TO REST ALREADY? DO YOU BELIEVE TERESA OR DANIELLE ARE INVOLVED?
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On last night’s FINAL episode of Real Housewives of New JerseyI breathed a serious sigh of relief, opened up the wine for a guzzlet or two, and prepared to cringe. I have run out of steam with these people. I’m going to try and cover this the best I can, but there was a lot of yelling about things like Kool-aid that left me confused. So, hang in there!
The show opens with Andy’s attempts at fun by bringing up Joe G-to-the-Orga’s horniness and The Gorgasm? A montage of all the couples’ lovey-dovey moments is replayed, except for Caroline and Albert. Cause I guess they don’t have them – or Caroline just won’t discuss them. Uh-huh. Apparently Joe Gorga has a history of dressing up like a lady – it goes way back to when he was little. This is explains a lot. Did The Gorgas want two Teresas?! Ooooohhh… the stress that image just caused!
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However, it’s not Teresa Giudiceand Melissa Gorgafueling the drama this time around, but rather Joe Giudice. In the preview clip below, Joe Gorga reveals his brother-in-law sent him a threatening text message asking him not to come to Teresa’s book signing. Teresa was the one who invited her brother and Melissa by the way.
According to J. Gorga, the text read: “So nice of you and your fake wife to support your sister tonight for the first time. Yous are so fake it makes me ill… I’ll break your jaw. I’ll wire it shut.” J. Gorga also adds that Joe referred to him as a word that was bleeped out in the clip. In another preview clip, it sounds like J. Giudice might have used a gay slur that begins with a letter F. Not certain on that however. No word yet on how Teresa’s going to try to clean this one up.
Also coming up on the 15th episode this season titled “Black as Ink,” Caroline’s pride spills over when her two sons set out to launch their bottled-water line. Meanwhile, Lauren’s grand opening for her cosmetic venture brings Jacqueline together with her daughter.
The episode airs on Bravo at 10/9c and a preview clip is below!
In other RHONJ news, a week after it was revealed her dad and step mom were arrested on charges ranging from arson to money laundering,Ashley Holmes is once again defending her parents.
Earlier this year, Matt Holmes‘ Texas home caught on fire garnering him a $429,000 check from the insurance company. Months later, cops revealed a “credible witness” came forward stating Matt started the fire with kerosene and gasoline. Investigators had already suspected arson so Matt was arrested for arson, insurance fraud, and money laundering while his wife Jodi Holmeswas arrested for money laundering as well. You can read more about that here.
Ashley, who has now decided to start going by Ashlee, posted the following on her twitter page yesterday -
“As most of you know my dad &step mom are going through a VERY hard time right now.. they are not allowed to comment on anything at this time.. but those of you that are close to us know the truth.. the media is eating them alive and of course are saying MANY things that are untrue.. It’s so hard not to be able to tell our side of this, but we will soon! We’re leaving it in Gods hands now & we know that everything will be ok…Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers..xo thank you.”
Meanwhile, as we reported earlier this week, Ashley has moved to California! She made the move days ago and later blogged that she got an internship. “I have an internship waiting there for me with Buzznet & Celebuzz. I recently formed my own LLC. I’m currently working on my own clothing line that I hope to launch by 2012. I am working on building my own website… I am also writing a book,” she wrote.
Fans of the show who keep up with the RHONJ on twitter noticed this week that most, if not all, of the cast took a trip to California. We have to wonder if this has anything to do with Ashley. Only time will tell as Bravo is currently filming the 4th season of the show.
And finally, Ashley made the following tweet just moments ago about former RHONJ star Danielle Staub: “LOL guess who keeps trying to contact my boss @LizzieGrubman BEGGING her to rep her…. ? what a joke #clown #notgonnahappen.” The drama never ends.
TELL US – THOUGHTS ON JOE GIUDICE’S THREATS TO JOE GORGA? PLUS THOUGHTS ON ASHLEY’S COMMENTS & HER MOVE TO CA?
While Matt appeared to be the voice of reason on the most recent episode of the show, it turns out he was actually arrested weeks ago and charged with arson, insurance fraud and money laundering.
Matt, 39, wasn’t arrested until early June of this year, though the alleged arson actually took place on March 12, 2011. Matt’s wife, Jodi Sue Holmes, 36, who also appeared on the RHONJ, was later arrested on a charge of money laundering as well.
According to court records, after a fire destroyed the couple’s Texas two-story house that was undergoing remodel work, Matt told the Police that he had been at the house dropping off supplies for contractors 30 to 45 minutes before firefighters were called to put out the fire.
However, a few months later, “a credible witness” came forward and stated Matt started the fire in three rooms of the house using kerosene and gasoline, according to investigator Ken Dabbs, who already believed the fire to be intentionally set after finding no electrical shorts or other reasonable cause.
Dabbs reveals Matt and his wife received $429,000 in insurance money. The police complaint alleges that Jodi knew about the arson and used the proceeds to make purchases, which included plastic surgery and a $40,000 diamond ring.
Cops reveal that to their knowledge, the couple has ever been involved in anything like the suspected arson and neither has ever been arrested. The charges however appear to be pretty serious as the FBI is also involved with the investigation. John was released on $225,000 bond while his wife Jodie was released on $75,000 bond.
As for Ashley, she made the following tweet late yesterday, “FYI- my parents have NOT been indicted..this whole thing was started by a disgruntled employee..they are INNOCENT &that’s all i have to say.”
In lighter news, housewife Melissa Gorga recently took some sexy bikini shots for Life & Style magazine! The 32-year-old mama of three opened up about her diet and staying fit.
“There is no dieting going on in the Gorga household! I can’t diet! I stay active so I can eat what I want,” Melissa tellsLife & Style. However, she adds, “I’m not a huge meat-and-potatoes girl. I tend to go for lighter meals, because that’s what I enjoy.” Melissa reveals that after her third C-section, in December 2010, she began meeting with her trainer three times a week for hourlong weight workouts to maintain a sculpted and toned figure. A bikini photo of Melissa is below!
And finally, a new episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey airs tonight on Bravo. On the 14th episode this season titled “Belly Up and Up,” verbal warfare and an agonizing decision lowlight Jacqueline’s relationship with her daughter. Meanwhile, Teresa’s financial woes escalate. And the wives trek to Kathy’s food-tasting bash, featuring surprise guests and unsavory behavior from Teresa and Melissa.
A preview clip is below!
TELL US – THOUGHTS ON THE ALLEGATIONS REGARDING ASHLEY’S DAD & STEPMOM? PLUS THOUGHTS ON TONIGHT’S NEW EPISODE?
UPDATE – Click The Continue Reading Button Below To See More Photos of Jodi and Matt, Plus the Bikini shot of Melissa!