Have you heard? Princesses: Long Island star Chanel "Coco" Omari is 27 years old and not married. I repeat – NOT married. Broken. So sad. Disgrace to Longuyland. Tune in next week to see Chanel's public stoning. Obviously, I kid (at least I hope) about the stoning, but is this pity party for real?
Chanel's younger sister, Ashley, is engaged to be married, and poor broken Chanel doesn't even have a boyfriend. The hits keep coming when Chanel helps shop for Ashley's bridal gown. At the dress shop, Mom introduces Ashley, the bride, and Chanel, the sister, and the shop clerk asks if Chanel is the "little sister" as if it's relevant and/or any of her business. After a brief moment of silence, Chanel reveals that she's actually the older sister, and then the store clerk buys the first ticket to Chanel's stoning.
Just for kicks – Ashley insists that Chanel try on a wedding gown. Mom prays, "God willing, Chanel will meet someone," and Chanel weeps. "Sometimes I just want to be normal like everyone else and do the same things like everyone else is doing," she cries. "It's really difficult when you feel like you're always on a different page."
This week, Amanda Bertoncini and Joey Lauren hawk their "ticket to easy street" inventions, the Drink Hanky and Kissamint, and Ashlee White thinks she's adorable when she drops $5300 of her daddy's money on high heels.
First, Chanel tells Amanda that ex-boyfriend Michael, who dumped her twice to hook up with his 19-year-old ex-girlfriend, is trying to weasel his way back into her life. Chanel vows to never let that happen again. Amanda tries on a tank top and pretends that is a "super hot" dress. Oy. She best not show too much vagina or her boyfriend will run away. Finally, the princesses try on a few more dresses and get "Coco Bootylicious" in the store.
While having her hair done for the party, Ashlee jokes about turning 30 while looking 4. HAHA. Can someone please explain to Ashlee that "too little to ride alone at Disney" does not equate "looks 4 years old"? She looks like she's pushing 40. Ashlee goes on to to brag about her "huge" party because she's annoying like that.
Joey doesn't take herself too seriously. She seems witty, down to earth, and kind-hearted. Hands down, Joey is the bright spot in this dismal – albeit highly entertaining for all the wrong reasons – mess.
In case you forgot: Erica Gimbel slept with Casey Cohen's boyfriend in high school, and Chanel "Coco" Omari, the bringer togetherer of this group, has invited both of them to the Hamptons for the weekend. They're all adults, so not a big deal, right? Not a chance in hell! Their first dinner ends with Casey at the dinner table, holding her head and sobbing, and Erica in the backyard, puffing away and looking like a regurgitated hair ball.
Casey is clearly cray cray, and Chanel, Ashlee White, and Joey stare at her accordingly. She leaves the room to search for the marbles she has lost but finds Erica instead. Casey takes this opportunity to remind the whore that she has ruined her life. Like, Erica slept with Casey's boyfriend well over ten years ago, and it still consumes her thoughts daily.
My first three thoughts: Where does Andy Cohen find these people? I also cannot figure out why Joey Lauren, a seemingly normal, classy young woman, is friends with them. And I am going to need a lot of wine to get through the rest of the season.
We're two episodes into Princesses: Long Island, and I have to admit that I don't hate the show. Sure, my summer TV standards are ridiculously low, but I fully expected these self-proclaimed princesses to annoy me to no end.
But first, Amanda Bertoncini and Joey Lauren must kinda, sorta, not really deal with the fallout from last week's drunken pool party. Amanda's annoying voice opens the show, sharing, "A slap in the face heals but a harsh word is always remembered," adding, "I'm surprised that half the girls in Long Island don't have black eyes." #lifelessonsbybravo
So, Joey meets Amanda to talk about the Jeff/Sara/Facebook drama, and she kind of apologizes for, um, something. However, Joey refuses to accept any responsibility for the hurtful words that were said or the drinks that were thrown, and Amanda still believes that Joey should have at least asked her friend to leave the party. In the end, Amanda accepts Joey's apology, but she vows to keep her eye on her in the future.