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Bachelor Pad

Ed Swiderski and Jaclyn Swartz celebrate Reid Rosenthal‘s Bachelor Pad boot. “On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m on cloud nine,” says Jaclyn. What does that even mean? It’s a good thing she’s so pretty.

Chris Harrison crashes the after party, bringing surveys for the exhausted and drunk Bachelor Pad players to fill out. Jaclyn thinks these surveys might have something to do with the next day’s challenge. Michael Stagliano is like, “Oh, man, I’ve seen this train wreck before.” My thoughts exactly! Where’s the popcorn?!

Kalon McMahon reads some of the questions – Who’s the ugliest? Who’s the smartest? Who’s the fattest? He says, “So, pretty much, every answer is either me or Erica Rose.”

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Last week on Bachelor Pad, Reid Rosenthal tried to convince the ladies to eliminate Ed Swiderski. Even though Sarah Newlon just hooked up with Ed, she went with the plan. Then she immediately went to Ed to apologize for voting against him. Unfortunate for Reid, Jamie Otis chose to keep a drunken Ed around Bachelor Pad, probably for the entertainment value, so Reid’s plan failed.

Ed, possibly the most unscrupulous member of the cast, questions why he’s on Bachelor Pad. “The game is all about influence, perception, and flat out lying,” Ed says. “I don’t like lying.” I’ll give you a second to digest that statement and meet you after the jump.

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Kasey “Guard & Protect” Kahl, former beau of ultimate famewhore Vienna Girardi has been arrested. Officially. In January Kasey was arrested but not charged after beating up a man and a woman outside of a California club. At the time police didn’t believe there was enough evidence to charge Kasey with the crimes and released him.

Well, now the Bachelor Pad alum has been officially charged with multiple felonies related to the attacks – and police believe he was under the influence of paint thinner at the time of the incident! Seriously?

Last week a judge issued a warrant for Kasey’s arrest for four felony charges –  two counts of felony assault, one count of battery with serious bodily injury and one count of public intoxication. Kasey, aged 29, (who also appeared on The Bachelorette) was booked in an Orange County jail.

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Who knew?  Seriously, who knew?  It’s a Bachelor franchise couple made in heaven…or hell, but regardless, it’s amazing. Bachelorette Emily Maynard’s season’s villain Kalon McMahon has been getting uber close with boring Ben Flajnik’s sloppy seconds from the most recent Bachelor!

Kalon paired up with the all American equestrian (and super tan) Lindzi Cox on the Bachelor Pad.  It seems that everyone’s favorite d-bag and the doe-eyed, innocent girl-next-door have more than a working relationship to win the ABC’s cash prize.  Could lurve be in the works for this mismatched pair?  Perhaps they are better suited than I think…after all, Lindzi entered Ben’s season on a horse, while Kalon swooped in on Emily in a helicopter…

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Bachelor Pad is back. Last week’s premiere mainly brought us super fan angst and a drunken Ed Swiderski

Tonight’s episode features the never-ending fighting between the super fan twins Brittany and Erica Taltos, a rhythmic gymnastics challenge, Ed‘s pickles, and a surprising rose ceremony.

Are these blonde twins for real? Their voices and fights are mind numbing.

“Stop yelling at me,” says one. ”You called me a slut,” says the other.

“Stop yelling at me!”

“You did it. I cried. You did it again. I cried again. You did it againnn. I cried againnn.”

“Stop yelling at me! I’m sorry I called you a slut. I won’t do it again, okay? I wouldn’t have said it if I were sober.”

I have no clue which one is Erica and which one is Brittany. The others are saying how annoying the twins are and that they’re walking episodes of the Jerry Springer show. It’s a sad day in your life when the Bachelor Pad contestants are making fun of you.

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Oh, Bachelor Pad, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways… right after I grab a loofah and scrub off the germs. I swear, just watching this show puts us all at risk of venereal diseases. Bachelor Pad 3 is summer TV at its finest, isn’t it?

As Chris Harrison welcomes us, I realize this puts me at five hours of Chris Harrison for the week. What has my life come to? Perhaps I can find some old reruns of Designer’s Challenge on HGTV just for fun. Thankfully, Chris shifts his focus from true love forever to smutty and disgusting seamlessly, so no time is wasted. Let the train wreck begin!

First, ABC reminds us who some of these Bachelor and Bachelorette losers are.

First, Emily Maynard‘s final four castaway, Chris Bukowski. Chris sits on his leather couch, wearing a jacket and shoes, reflecting on his heartbreak. Are we supposed to believe this is the exact minute Emily kicked him away? Chris “knows” going on the Bachelor Pad will help him move on from Emily. He mentions falling in love, also. He’s funny. Chris is looking forward to meeting Lindzi Cox.

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Season 3 of Bachelor Pad premieres very soon! Thrown into the mix of Bachelor and Bachelorette losers (and, ugh, super fans) this season is fan favorite Kalon McMahon. Kalon is the pretentious “luxury brand consultant” who offended Emily Maynard when he referred to her daughter Ricki as “baggage.”

Needless to say, Kalon’s journey on the Bachelorette did not end well. Kalon’s unapologetic ways and big personality, however, make him a perfect fit for Bachelor Pad. Something went right at the Pad, because Kalon agrees!  “I’m so glad I did Bachelor Pad. It was like night and day from Bachelorette. I had the most amazing time doing it, and I’m ready for fans to see me in a new light,” Kalon told Celebuzz.

When asked about his experience on Bachelorette, Kalon sings a much different tune. Kalon is not happy about the “bad boy” edit he received.

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So apparently hottie Roberto Martinez isn’t the new Bachelor…yet.   Chris Harrison spoke to RadarOnline.com to quiet the rumors that Roberto was a sealed deal for next season.

“I will confirm it, he’s not the Bachelor, we’ve not named anybody to be the Bachelor yet,” the show’s host tells the site.

“We don’t need to, we don’t name anybody so early,” Chris explains. “I love the speculation and that people are talking about our show but we just don’t need to make decisions yet.”

Don’t get him wrong, he loves Roberto.  He says, “He is a great guy, I love Roberto. First of all I hear he’s stunningly handsome, and he’s a very nice guy, he has a lot to offer and would be a great Bachelor. I would put my vote behind him but luckily I don’t have a vote.”

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