Can you believe that we've finally come to the finale of this season's Basketball Wives LA? I feel like we've been watching the Jackie Christie Show for eons! Am I right? Needless to say, last night's show resolved nada, so we have to wait on pins and needles for the reunion!
We're back on Borboun Street, y'all, and Draya Michele is hella hungover, so she misses out on the cooking lesson with Laura Govan, Brooke Bailey, Jackie, Bambi, Malaysia Pargo, and Gloria Govan. I'm sure that Draya planned it. Jackie is visibly upset because she has just received a text message from her daughter regarding Laura's conversation with said offspring. I can't tell if Jackie is wearing a make-shift beret or some kind of homemade sock hat. Malaysia and Bambi are quick to wade in Jackie's drama pool. Bambi is appalled at Laura's behavior. Can someone please buy her a box set of last season's DVDs?
Over lunch, Jackie questions Laura about her intentions with her daughter. The other ladies take their cues and leave the table so Jackie and Laura can hash out their differences. Laura maintains a poker face while Jackie pleads her case about Chantal. Laura admits that she originally spoke to Chantal to discredit Jackie, but after chatting with Jackie's daughter, she realized her anger towards Jackie was misplaced. It was during her conversation with Chantal that Laura realized that she needed change her intentions. Her master plan was to bring down Jackie, but after speaking with Chantal, she knew that revenge wasn't the answer. Jackie is unsure of how to take Laura's confession.
Oh good gracious! Last night's Basketball Wives LA was a virtual assault on the senses. Jackie Christie raps and flashes her boobs. Brooke Bailey and Draya Michele are still caught up about the cover of a magazine that apparently doesn't even pay its models. Malaysia Pargo invites the ladies on a charitable trip to New Orleans, so you know that's going to go over well. Oh, and we finally find out the deets on the worst kept secret wedding of Gloria Govan. It's a lot.
Brooke and Bambi seem to have mended fences as Brooke invites her, Jackie, and Laura Govan over to see her new lingerie line Touche Moi. She then basically strips down to share a prototype. Brooke asks the ladies to start trying on things, which they do, so it's basically Bambi and Laura walking around in tank tops and red string bikini underwear. Didn't they want to wash it first? I will say, I am really liking Bambi…she seems to be one of the more level headed ladies this franchise has ever had, which is probably why she isn't a full fledged cast member in the credits. Nostrils O'Neal doesn't like women who are smarter than she is!
Stop the presses! Jackie is recording an album. It doesn't matter that she's never sung or rapped or even been in a studio. Today is a day of firsts for Jackie! She has asked Bambi and her giant earrings to come by and give her some pointers. Bambi is shocked to learn that she isn't absolutely horrible (she's not?) and she tells Jackie as much. Jackie, as you can imagine, basks in the wonderful honesty of her new best friend.
I don't know about you, but I've been waiting with baited breath for Jackie Christie's line to debut at New York Fashion Week. Can you even fathom the insanity that is going to head down that runway. Well, on last night's Basketball Wives LA, the ladies let it all hang out while working that catwalk. Apparently Jackie's line doesn't include a bra big enough to tame Brooke Bailey's giant chest, so she commandos it down the runway. Laura Govan follows in braless suit, but she's thankfully not about to put out her own eye…or anyone else's. But we'll get to that later…
Draya Michele and Malaysia Pargo are trying on Jackie's fashions for the show. Draya is beyond impressed with Jackie's pieces. Why doesn't she wear these kind of clothes in her real life? Brooke invites the women to a business deal, but she makes sure to get in a dig to Draya about the magazine cover shoot. Draya can't cover up her jealousy. Gloria Govan and Brooke are walking in another show, and Draya, Laura, Jackie, and Malaysia are going to be be supportive. Draya is confused as to why Jackie and Laura are being so buddy-buddy. Jackie wishes that Draya would stop butting into her and Laura's friendship. Laura thinks it's funny that people are concerned about her behavior towards Jackie. Her master plan isn't going to go down at a fashion show where she's supporting actual friends!
Brooke takes the catwalk…or the slim slice of floor not overrun by revelers looking like a poor man's Nicki Minaj. I'm sorry, but that wig is all kinds of unfortunate. Gloria follows suit and she's dressed in the outfit that Hello Kitty would wear if she ever decided to be a construction worker. Backstage, the women are being supportive of the models, but Draya backs out on a dinner celebration to honor Brooke's magazine cover. Draya feels like she's being a good friend by not going to the dinner where she'd be sure to be a pouty Debbie Downer. At Brooke's celebration, the other women wonder about Draya's absence, but Malaysia tries to play devil's advocate on Draya's behalf.
This November, I am thankful for Basketball Wives: LA. Seriously. They make me feel a wee bit better about my life. I may not have money or reality fame, but at least I've got great friends and family and don't look like a fool week after week for the whole world to see. That is definitely something for which to give thanks!
Once again, last night's episode was the Jackie Christie show, and I have to wonder why she doesn't just get a spin-off already! Fortunately for the viewers, the ladies seem to have veered from their whole meet for lunch/drinks/dinner/canyon/walks/cat fights premise. Sorry, I couldn't even type that with a straight face. We begin with Jackie meeting Gloria Govan for lunch to discuss Laura Govan's recent behavior. Jackie needs to get her personal life sorted out so the drama doesn't interfere with the most important thing in her life–her daugters New York Fashion Week. I am still shocked that she has a show. Are we sure this is New York City Fashion Week? In Manhattan? Perhaps it could be New York Missouri Proper Fashion Week? Jackie reveals that Malaysia Pargo will be walking in her show, and she had planned to ask Draya Michele as well. Gloria is confused. Doesn't Jackie hate Draya? Gloria is too involved in her webisodes. Jackie decides to vent about Laura to her sister, and Gloria totally flakes. Jackie knows Gloria is the mouthpiece for the group, but she hopes Gloria will be nice when she sees Jackie's clothing line.
Malaysia and Bambi are returning to volunteer with Educated Ballers. They have two high school girls they are going to mentor. Well, this is a refreshing change if we have to see a "meet up" with the women. Malaysia wonders if the girls would like to work in fashion. One girl would like to be a social worker while the other would like to work in a correctional facility. They are going to be roommates when college starts in the fall. I must say that both Bambi and Malaysia are good at talking to the girls without talking down to them. Malaysia is inspired. She wants their next vacation to be a volunteer endeavor, like building houses in New Orleans.
Can I get a slow clap for Shaunie O'Neal? She said she was going to clean up the violence and drama on Basketball Wives, and by God, she's going to deliver. Oh wait. Nevermind. Instead, Ms. Nostrils O'Neal fired the calm ladies and kept her violent, bullying friends for the fifth season. They say they want to redeem themselves. I think Kenya Bell needs to duck!
That's right, folks! Both wine bottle tossing, table jumping Evelyn Lozada and purse snatching, in-your-face screaming Tami Roman will be back for another round. Apparently, they've "grown" in light of recent circumstances and deserve a fifth second chance. Tami suffered a mild heart attack, so she has a new lease on life, while Evelyn had a short-lived marriage that ended in a head butt from Chad Johnson, so surely she's learned that violence isn't the answer. Right? Hello? Anyone believe that?
Last night’s Basketball Wives LA was no different from anything we’ve seen this season thus far. I am just waiting (as I’m sure you are) for some kind of shocking revelation or a giant shoe to drop. We all know Jackie Christie is going to continue to be the focus of the show. Heck, even Laura Govan’s evil ways are starting to lose their drama. What are we to do, VH1?
Laura is meeting Jackie’s daughter Chantel. Chantel tells Laura that Jackie warned her about meeting with her given Jackie thinks Laura has bad intentions. Chantel couldn’t care less. She knows her mother is fame hungry and only cares about appearance. Laura starts to regret her plan to intervene, but then she brings up Chantel’s sister as being too black. Jackie tried to pit her daughters against one another. Growing up, the girls couldn’t even speak because of the things that her mother instilled in them. Chantel felt that she was the placed in a situation as a younger sister where she shouldn’t have been. Laura is in over her head. She just wanted beef against Jackie…she didn’t expect to get a horrid family situation like she did.
Malaysia Pargo, Brooke Bailey, and Laura meet for froyo. Laura and Malaysia share their trip to Seattle with Jackie. Laura tells Brooke that Jackie was calling her oldest daughter too dark and overweight. Malaysia revisits Brooke and Bambi’s rift and hopes that they can make amends at an upcoming 80’s roller skating event.
The show begins with Chantal and Takari being ambushed by the therapist. Takari is in tears, and Chantal reminds her mother that while she provided everything for her girls, it was their grandmother who served as the mother figure. Jackie doesn't want to hear any of it. Chantal wants her mother to take responsibility for their past relationships, but Jackie is totally on the defensive. She thinks her daughters are being mean and throwing false accusations at her. The girls leave after Jackie refuses to shoulder any of the blame for their relationship troubles. Doug tries to placate the girls in the driveway, but they are both over trying to make things work with someone who won't acknowledge any mistakes. Back inside, Jackie apologizes to the therapist for having to listen to her disrespectful daughters spew lies. The therapist is smart enough to know that she just needs to keep her mouth shut. Could Jackie be any more delusional?
Brooke is waiting on Gloria Govan to meet her for lunch when she reads that Matt Barnes is in trouble with the law for his multiple traffic violations. She calls Gloria who won't be able to make it to lunch…which I guess is a good thing given that there's a half-eaten pizza in front of Brooke. She clearly wasn't waiting.
Last night's Basketball Wives LA was once again centered around Jackie Christie. We resume with Brooke Bailey's pool party where Gloria Govan, Laura Govan, and Draya Michele watch ol' Wacky change from heels into sneakers as if she's ready for a fight. Draya ignores Jackie's insanity, but she does offer her a cigar when she shares some smokes with the ladies. Jackie wonders if there are explosives in her cigar. Wait to let a sleeping dog lie, lady!
Bambi and Malaysia Pargo arrive, and Brooke immediately pulls Bambi aside to hash out their differences. They actually have a lot more in common than just that guy. Bambi appreciates Brooke for doing her best to be honest and squash the tension between the two. Brooke still isn't Bambi's biggest fan, but she wants to enjoy her party. In the spirit of apologies, Jackie approaches Draya in hopes they can find time to mend their relationship. All in all, the pool party is one boring snoozefest of a success, but at least no one was injured!
Laura meets up with Bambi at the park to see if they can't brush their issues under the rug as well. I am beginning to see a common theme emerging of "squashing beef," and I'm happy to see them "meeting up" at somewhere other than a boutique/coffee house/bar. Baby steps. Laura goes in for a hug but gets shafted by Bambi. Bambi goes in for a high five/fist bump but gets called out by Laura. They settle on shoulder rubbing. You just can't make up this stuff. Laura thinks Bambi is aggressive and Bambi thinks Laura is a bully. Bambi wants to know if it bothers Laura to look so fake, but Laura doesn't mind if her phoniness involves Jackie. Laura tries to explain that if Bambi knew the real Jackie she would realize why Laura is acting the way she is.