Below Deck

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It’s time to bid a fond farewell to Below Deck, season four. Goodbye, Captain Lee Rosbach’s epic blogs! Adios, Kate Chastain’s Resting B*tch Face! See ya later, Kyle Dixon’s massively confusing backstory! Ciao, Bemily! Thanks for the forever scarring memories of late night snot snacking, Trevor Walker! Tragically, we won’t get to see the aftermath of this season’s drama play out on the couches, as there will be no reunion this year. To which I say: Pfffffffffft. Not okay, Andy Cohen! Why do you have to be so uncool to us, bro?

Last night, Kate continued laying into her crew, who seem to be using their last charter as a chance to slack off. After a pep talk from Kate, Emily Warburton Adam seems on board with ending the season strong. But Sierra Storm is not about to let this annoying stuff called “work” ruin her frightening permasmile. She chooses to passive-aggressively snark “sure” to Kate’s instructions. Maybe she just needs a hug? Emily obliges by giving her one.

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Kate-Chastain-Book

This season of Below Deck has been so good. It is chock full of drama and I’m living for it. One person with no tolerance for bull shit who has been all kinds of annoyed this year is my girl Kate Chastain.

Kate is not afraid to speak her mind in any situation so it makes perfect sense that she has a book coming out soon. I can’t wait to see what she has to say about her experiences on the show – especially since she also mentioned that there won’t be a Below Deck reunion this season. This news really upsets me because I would love to know what the cast members have to say after watching the season, but I’m sure Kate will be serving up enough tea for me to feel satisfied and entertained.

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When Kyle Dixon first came on Below Deck, I found it difficult to understand him and I mean that in the most literal sense since his dialogue was often accompanied by subtitles for clarification, which made things feel even more awkward when he tried to woo his coworker Sierra Storm. Well, that didn’t go well and then Kyle revealed that he actually had a girlfriend named Ashley, who happens to be transgender. And for some insane reason Sierra thought it was a good idea to make derogatory comments about that in front of reality TV cameras.

Damn. That was stupid. Pretty much everyone forgot about Kyle trying to woo Sierra when he already had a boo at home because Sierra’s comments ended up taking center stage. Obviously, this didn’t sit well with Kyle. AT ALL.

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captain lee

As Captain Lee reflects on their last charter of the season on Below Deck, he has some words of advice and thoughts on this episode for each of his crew members.

He starts out this week’s blog, “We’re on our last charter, so you would think that we would have our sh– together, wouldn’t you? The guests are a group of lovely ladies that are just out to have a good time, relax, and enjoy themselves. It’s our job to be as energetic and upbeat as we were on day one of the season. After all, the guests don’t know that they are the last charter of the season…oh wait they do, Sierra politely informed them of that. But even so, they deserve our best effort and service. Unfortunately, that sentiment doesn’t seem to be shared by all of the crew. Some are too busy slacking off and thinking of what they are going to do when this charter is over or bitching about their superiors, who only want them to do their jobs well. Well I for one have heard enough of this whining to last me a long time. Guess what, cupcake, it’s not over till it’s over, and we’re not done yet.”

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Last night’s Below Deck was all about frustration. Kate Chastain resurrects the Resting B*tch Face to combat her frustration over the shoddy work – and attitude – she’s perceiving from Sierra Storm and Emily Warburton-Adam. Meanwhile, Kelley Johnson does his best to quiet his ego as he adjusts to life with Nico Scholly’s new senior deckhand status. As opposed to Nico’s freshman deckhand behavior lately – which now includes blaming Kate for all of his self-inflicted problems aboard Valor! Lauren Burchnell is, of course, all too happy to blame Kate too. She’s #TeamNico, whether it makes sense or not. Sigh. I had such high hopes for Lauren early in the season. What happened to this girl in six short weeks?

We begin with Kate and Kelley bemoaning their separate fates. But Ben Robinson and Emily are celebrating theirs! After preserving Emily’s funeral bouquet for as long as humanly possible, Ben finally scored an adult sleepover ashore. From which he emerged giddier than ever. Kyle Dixon is also breathing a sigh of relief after his girlfriend Ashley took his sketchy Sierra news pretty well. Kyle better get it together for that patient girl because she is standing by his excuse-making arse even though he doesn’t deserve it. #TeamAshley

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Tonight we celebrate the return of Bravo’s Ladies of London!

Season 3 kicks off tonight with Caroline Stanbury getting ready for a big move to Dubai! She and her husband are relocating but in the meantime are living in a smaller rental home until it’s time to head over to their new super-sized home in Dubai.  Caroline also introduces us to newcomer Adela King, one of her close BFFs.

Captain Lee

Though his blog this week isn’t quite as vitriolic as the past two, Captain Lee Rosbach is still less than pleased with the motley crew he’s saddled with for this season of Below Deck. Disappointed in Kelley Johnson, disgusted with Lauren Burchnell, and amused/confused by Ben Robinson, Lee hopes his crew can just hold it together for ONE last charter.

Lee begins, “I am not sure that I have had this many crew members so unfocused this late in the season. We seem to be shooting ourselves in the foot time and time again for no apparent reason. It is abundantly clear to me that some of this crew do not have their heads in the game, and this our most important guest to date, Mr. Dean Slover.” Ugh. No props to Slover, please!

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Sierra-Storm-Confessional-Curly-Hair-Below-Deck

Below Deck sailed back into the choppy waters of Kyle Dixon‘s storyline last night, offering us a glimpse of his girlfriend, Ashley, when she came aboard Valor for a visit. (And got pitied by Sierra Storm.) Meanwhile, Kelley Johnson faces the wrath of Captain Lee Rosbach after botching a guest excursion – wrath that ultimately turns into a shakeup among the exterior crew’s ranks.

Kate Chastain also lives to regret setting Ben Robinson and Emily Warburton-Adam up when she realizes that their budding romance is interfering with work. But Ben and Emily are too smitten with each other to notice – or care! They’ve got gaudy bouquets of flowers to smell! They’ve got hashtags to perfect! #BemilyIsActuallyHappeningPeople #ImTotallySerious

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