Poor Jacqueline, er, I mean Joyce Giraud certainly learned what it means to plan a girls' trip in the land of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Either someone ends up drunk in a suitcase or someone ends up wasted at the dinner table, but regardless, intoxication only fuels the drama and bad behavior with this group. Joyce especially took issue with Brandi Glanville's behavior (Who didn't? That comment about Joyce's inability to swim crossed so many lines, I'd be worried if she wasn't offended!). She didn't take too kindly to be shushed by Yolanda Foster either. At least Kyle Richards had her back. Good ol' Splits!
In her Bravo blog, Joyce breaks down the entire episode, but she doesn't shy away from calling out Brandi and YoFo. I hate to break it to her, but all the hair flipping and taking the high road isn't going to make it to far with this crowd. Kyle has already cornered the market on the hair, and none of these ladies seem to know the meaning of being the bigger person…unless by "big", you mean "fat." In that case, Joyce may be alright considering she's already got the name of a big ol' fat lady.
It was the first Real Housewives of Beverly Hills vacation last night and true to form it was like a game of Clue with whodunit and why, with what, where and WTF?
Last night's metaphorical Housewives slayer was none other than Brandi Glanville who could hold neither her alcohol or her tongue. Although she did start out by telling us all the things she likes to do with her tongue or have a tongue to do her when she conducted a little market research for her new book. Yep, sex, wine, and Brandi again… *yawn*
Over at Joyce Giraud's house she's preparing for Palm Springs with a fashion show. Joyce's closet is beautiful. And it houses the entire GoldenGirls wardrobe department archives, including several pair of reproduction hibiscus print culottes.
While they hung out by the pool in Palm Springs, Joyce revealed that she can't swim, which prompted Brandi to fire off with "you're a black person". Brandi then tried to jokingly explain that her black friends would've laughed at that because they, too, won't get in the water, fearing getting their weaves wet. Brandi's castmates were shocked by her generalizations and fans reacted, calling her a racist.
Andy Cohen said to Brandi, "As you can imagine I got a buttload of Tweets for you, wanting to know what you were thinking. Kenya Moore, Atlanta Housewife Tweeted 'not all black women wear hair weaves, half the women on Beverly Hills Housewives are wearing some fake hair. Brandi could not be more ignorant.' "
Brandi took to YouTube to share early apologies and advance warning about her behavior over the next several episodes of season three. She shared a video this week, trying to explain her actions and hope that we'll find it in our hearts to forgive her when it's over. She is upfront that it's going to show her in a bad light and that editing is to blame for some of it, but the rest is all on her and she's owning it.
So Kyle Richards is finally the star of the storyline on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, except it's probably not for the reason she always hoped! Kyle has been in the spotlight over allegations that Mauricio Umansky cheated and because no press is bad press, she keeps talking… and talking… and talking… about a story that was probably planted to begin with she wants to die.
This week Kyle is taking umbrage that Lisa Vanderpump, the friend she doesn't really want anymore, hasn't been defending her enough in public or reaching out. Lisa made some less than supportive statements about how no one knows 100% what any husband is up to and we can't all be totally positive the rumors aren't true, and now she's defending her words.
Commenting that for someone who doesn't want to talk about it (Yeah, Kyle!) she's sure talking about it a lot, Lisa insists she had defended and supported Kyle.
Monday's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills had the Richards sisters celebrating graduation, Yolanda Foster celebrating her husband's star on the Walk of Fame, and, what was that again? Yes, yes. Brandi making out with Carlton. While she mentions all of it in her Bravo blog, I've just chosen to highlight her new infatuation with Splits and her sibling sidekick. Brandi feels sorry for Kyle, y'all. Join me, won't you, as we return to bitch mountain…
Ahhh… Real Housewives of Bevelry Hills: where totally untrue in every way cheating rumors never die. Oh! And famous people get to block traffic and redecorate the sidewalk just for being famous.
Over at Kyle Richards' Faye Resnick-fied castle of tchotchke, she's upset because she has to clean up alllllll the dog poop like every day, despite a plethora of brightly colored postage notes decorating the cabinetry advising people otherwise. Poor Kyle – nobody listens to her! Nobody cares! Nobody cares what Kyle wants!
And what does Kyle want? Attention and caftans. Preferably together. Since Kyle presumably has nothing else to talk about but cheating rumors that are totally NOT TRUE and that she totally wants to DISAPPEAR, she and Mauricio sit down to discuss said cheating rumors and how untrue and absolutely ludicrous they are.
Joyce chatted with Steppin' Out magazine's Dan Lorenzo in their latest issue, due out December 18th. Joyce covered everything from who she'd stay in contact with if the show were canceled and explained why she finally caved and worked with her producer hubby.