Well if ever there was a reason to recklessly abandon tea and convert to coffee, last night's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was it! Does tea just bring out the worst behavior in everyone – or is that wine? Or is it actually just that 3/4 of the people on this show are hideous specimens of humanity?
So Lisa Vanderpump tried to make amends last night. She took all her fancy British etiquette and tried to apply it to unscrupulous famewhores. Logic fail! She began with Splits Richards, whom Lisa had always believed to be a fun person, a friend, but underneath all Kyle's layers of caftans and hair lie a woman possessed. Possessed with the desire to be important and relevant – and most importantly famous. Enter Reality TV.
Then Lisa tried with Adrienne Maloof who was let out of the cryogenic freezer before her face fully thawed to socialize with the ladies. Adrienne's equally unappealing friend (and Kyle's Doppelganger) Faye Resnick was also hauled out for the unappetizing occasion. More on that thoughtless and repulsive decision later.
Sooo… what is going on here? What tricks does ol' Le-Le have up her sleeves now?
Weeks afterBrandi Glanville came out in full-force accusing LeAnn Rimes of being addicted to adderall, alcohol, and pooper pills – all charges LeAnn adamantly denied – and mere days before Brandi's scandalous book blowing the lid off LeAnn andEddie Cibrian's scheming and homewrecking behavior hits shelves; LeAnn showed up at the Grammy's with some meat on her bones. Finally!
It's been much discussed how shortly after taking up with Eddie, LeAnn started SWF-ing the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star by shedding tons of weight, get identical boob implants, and directly copying from Brandi's wardrobe. LeAnn, formerly a normal-sized girl, kept up the charade for years.
The more Brandi talks about her ex and his new wife, the more stories we're going to hear about LeAnn trying to find her inner strength in the midst of personal turmoil. Gag me with a bony arm and a violin…although, technically in LeAnn's case it would be a fiddle, right? Let the insanity ensue!
If there's one thing to be said about Yolanda Foster it's that she doesn't mince words! The newbie Housewife emerged on the scene to sweep a scrutinizing eye over the ladies ofReal Housewives of Beverly Hills and their rather questionable behavior.
Unsurprisingly Yolanda has found much to be amazed by – and that's not a compliment. On a recent girls trip to Vegas she found herself surrounded by dinner guests behaving badly when all she wanted to do was sip some tequila and enjoy her dinner. In her Bravo blog Yolanda gives her two cents on all the drama and the constant fighting round the table.
"I don't know Adrienne very well because she never reached out to me, but I have observed her behavior and she comes off quite arrogant. Again she is belittling Brandi [Glanville]'s business to empower herself, and I find it very unattractive and unproductive."
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Brandi Glanville continues to tweet up a storm in between bashing her ex-husband Eddie Cibrian and his wifey LeAnn Rimes as she promotes her new book Drinking & Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders. Her book is set to hit shelves on Tuesday, February 12. Her most recent rant? She wants to set the record straight regarding rumors that she cheated on Eddie during their marriage.
Of course, then she needed to re-set the record straight when many fans and followers pointed out that she did, in fact, date before her divorce was finalized. It's like a strange conversation with herself that she broadcasts for everyone to see. I do so love some Brandi tweets though. Even when she only has 140 characters, she manages to be extremely unfiltered.
Last night while watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I came to an important realization. I now understand why these women never eat and how they manage to stay so thin. If every time you sat down at a dinner table a massive fight broke out wouldn't you have dinner-induced trauma and be reduced to guzzling wine instead? They probably all go home and stuff microwaved popcorn in their faces while standing over the kitchen sink and ruminating about the days before they sold their souls to Bravo. But hey – at least those size 2s fit!
Yesterday's episode was more of the same. Same arguments, same players, same storyline, same snarky recapper wanting to hurl things at the screen. It started out OK, as it always seems to, but then quickly degenerated into the congealed, fetid remains of last night's dinner. Even Yolanda Foster was reduced to drinking tequila.
Most of the girls were in Vegas watching in awe as Brandi Glanville's legs twined around a stripper pole and slid gracefully to the floor. "Welcome to Night School For Girls!" she announced popping up with 3/4 of her boob also popping out. Splits Richards makes an important mental note to have Mauricio hypnotized into thinking Brandi is a revolting, wretched, shit-stirring drama queen again. He must not fall under her spell!