If y'all thought former Real Housewives of New York starJill Zarinwas going anywhere, you'd be wrong. I personally think some network needs to introduce a show that follows Jill as she tries to claw her way back into reality television stardom kicking and screaming. I'd watch. Kidding, I'd just DVR it and watch it on a slow Sunday.
Jill, of course, is all about showing Bravo who is boss. Poor Andy Cohen. She's coming out guns blazing about what it would take to get her back in Bravo's good graces…and it's not much. Bless her heart.
On last night's "Betty White's Off Their Rockers" NeNe, as well as some of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ladies, joked around with the veteran funny lady in a show that had seniors pranking the younger generation. Who doesn't adore Betty White? Meanwhile, Kenya took major offense to Phaedra's accusations of being bipolar…and I don't blame her. Mental illness isn't something to throw around all willy-nilly…it's a serious topic, and Kenya has clearly been learning all about it on WebMD so she has the proper ammunition against her co-star in their Booty Battle.
Let's start with something light though, shall we?
It's a Bravo romance that's straight out of Scary Island a novel. Boy loves to groom his eyebrows. Girl loves jellybeans. Boy meets girl at a charity event, and the rest, as they say, is history. That's right, folks! Former Real Housewives of New York star Kelly Bensimon and Million Dollar Listing: New York's Ryan Serhant are apparently an item.
Like all great relationships, the pair started out as friends, but that all changed at a fundraiser for Sandy relief. It was at that point that the forty-four-year-old head case and the twenty-eight-year-old egomaniac realized that they were destined for so much more.
Guess what, dear readers! It's the battle of the booties…the donkey booties! Dare I say it's epic! On the latest episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, tell-it-like-it-is attorney and mortician Phaedra Parks went head to head with the self-proclaimed favorite new cast member Kenya Moore (And twist!) over a butt enhancing "exercise" video. Somewhere, right now, Richard Simmons is wearing short shorts and a puff-painted American flag muscle tee, rocking back and forth in a corner, and screaming, "Why God, why?" Poor man.
In such a assilicious situation, there is sure to be some discord, but, in my opinion, Kenya was pretty out of line with her demands. Phaedra agrees, and I'm certainly not one to go against anyone who spews gems of advice in the form of the most ridiculous life lessons. Let's be honest, only Phaedra can equate a fancy coffin to an opulent life style…while waxing poetic about dill pickles and homemade macaroni and cheese. Girlfriend is one of a kind, and I love her for it!
I know it wasn't just me who watched the Real Housewives of Miami reunion and was beyond confused. Sure, Lea Black's voice annoys me to no end, and I am not a fan of how she makes passive aggressive digs under the guise of joking. However, when Ana Quincoces came out guns blazing during the sit-down, I was totally floored. To be honest, mild-mannered Ana had been my favorite. She seemed to be the voice of reason. However, her actions on the reunion, to me, screamed that she was trying to remain relevant, following the reality mantra that the loudest gets the most attention…and attention, bad or good, is reality gold.
Ana showed up to the reunion with her voice loud and her silly file folder, hitting below the belt with ageist insults and accusations of sleeping around. It was ugly. The worst part is that had Ana refrained from such unbecoming behavior, the shrill and obnoxious Lea would have likely made herself look like a fool. Now, Ana has turned her into a victim.
In her Bravo blog, Ana does her best to defend her actions, but, in my opinion, she ends up sounding even worse. Of course, Lea isn't much better when she speaks out against Ana's attack. I have to keep reminding myself that these are grown women, successful women. I guess that's what happens when you add a camera and an audience to your life. Sheesh!
I can hear my mom's words of wisdom echoing in my ears…"If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you!" Granted, I've never cheated with–or on–anyone (but, well, there was high school. Does that count?), but it's advice that totally translates into the grown-up world. However, can we technically call LeAnn Rimes an adult? She's constantly tearlessly crying in interviews about never having the opportunity to be a child, so perhaps she's regressed. Regardless, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Brandi Glanville is likely smug upon hearing this latest gossip.
A quick breakdown (as if y'all need it): Brandi's husband Eddie Cibrian cheated on her with SUR waitress Scheana Marie Jancan (that is no one's given name!). When Eddie then cheated with LeAnn, Scheana went to the press to complain about how heartbroken she was when her affair ended because Eddie found another mistress. High five, Brandi! You came out on top of this cluster for sure!
I don't know about you, but I find it very fishy that this news is coming to light way after it acutally happened. Funny how Bravo is trying to promoteLisa Vanderpump's(love her!) new show Vanderpump Rules on which Scheana plays a bullied, overly sexed, wannabe pop star waitress…It's what publicity stunts are made of, right?
Gracious though, when you read Sheana's interview, which occurred after her sit-down with Brandi, you'll shake your head and wonder if she has a publicist. Sheana is still taking shots at Brandi while playing the victim. Um, I'm sorry. I don't care how horrid the woman was whose husband you were bedding, you're still the other woman. She can call you names, and she can be mean to you. You slept with her husband! I'm speaking to Scheana in first person because she strikes me as the type of fame hungry girl that will read every blog written about her. Scheana, I'm not hating, I'm just trying to give you some sincere feedback. Oh, and by the way, NEVER record that breathy porn song you sang on Vanderpump Rules. The world, and iTunes, sends their thanks.
Real Housewives of Atlanta continues to be a favorite among the Bravo franchise, which is amazing. It's rare that a show can bring in new and volatile cast members and still remain on top of the ratings. If you've been watching RHOA, you know that Kenya Moore fancies herself the show's new break-out star.
Of course, for me, it's refreshing to hear from someone other than Kenya. The usually quiet (give or take a housewives spat) Porsha Stewart has found her voice, and she wants to be known for her philanthropy moreso than any RHOA drama. Can you blame her? In the meantime, Porsha is working really hard to remember how many days are in a year. 365, Porsha, three hundred and sixty-five.
This was a good week for our favorite reality shows! It seems that everyone is getting back into the swing of 2013, and with a routine comes our favorite old habits…watching some of the most fantastically trashy television series known to man.