For example, we know that Teen Mom 3 (forever ago) Mackenzie just giggled her way through getting an IUD, which lasts for five years, but Twitter (real time) Mackenzie is 4 months pregnant. And TM3 Josh McKee looks bored as hell, but Twitter Josh just put a lassoring on it!
TM3 Devoin Austin just promised Briana that he'd be at her house day and night to help with Nova, but Twitter Devoin is in jail. How's that edit gonna taste, Devoin? Probably not as good as Swedish fish.
TM3 Matt McCann and Alex went to couples therapy last week, but Twitter Matt is engaged to some girl named Lekota. TM3 Joey Maes broke up with Katie because she nags endlessly, but Twitter Joey is, um, pulling a Rip Van Winkle? I don't see much from Joey or Katie.
Devoin, ex of Briana DeJesus, was arrested and charged with possession of marijuana in March. As a result, he was sentenced to one day in jail and one year of county supervised probation, he must hold a job, and he cannot "seek" or "possess" any illegal substances.
Four months later, Devoin was arrested and charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and burglary earlier this week.
Oh, and if you turned your TV at just the right angle and closed one eye, you saw the Teen Moms caring for their precious babies almost as passionately as they begged their boyfriends to love them. This week: rinse and repeat.
Two dads, Matt and Devoin, have done nothing but bitch (via Twitter!) about MTV's unfair edit (blah, blah, blah) since Teen Mom 3 aired. If I had a dollar for every time a reality TV star cried bogus edit, well, I would be a lot less poor.
Believe it or not hour number two ends with one of these awe-inspiring couples becoming engaged to be married. All together now – seriously?!?
Mackenzie talks to a friend about her relationship woes. She briefly wonders if Josh resents her for pursuing cheer after she demanded he quit rodeo he put bull riding on hold. Crazy talk! Mackenzie comes to the conclusion that she and Josh fight too much because they don't spend enough time together. She plans to ask him to move in with her.
Cayla wisely questions Mackenzie's thought process. She reasons, "I know moving in is risky, but it's got to be better than living apart."
The very long and emotional premiere begins with Briana. As you'll recall from 16 and Pregnant, Briana and her sister became pregnant at the same time. Brittany opted to have an abortion; Briana chose motherhood. Sadly, Devoin Austin checked out long before his daughter was born, causing Briana to keep his name off of Nova's birth certificate.
Now Briana leans on Brittany and Mom for help with Nova. Over lunch, the girls school Mom on what happens in relationships (Hint: not innocent walks on the beach. Evidence: see Nova.), and Mom sternly tells them NO MORE BOYS!
While there doesn't appear to be a Jenelle Evans in the bunch, Briana is attempting to tweet more often and more caustically than her predecessor in response to anonymous Internet haters. I honestly can't fathom the amount of criticism and hate these girls get from total strangers, and apparently Briana would rather fight back than stay quiet. It's craziness!
That said, we've also got the trailer for the upcoming season, and the drama certainly abounds! After the jump, check out what to expect from the new group of teen moms as well as some of my favorite retorts from Briana's twitter spew. I couldn't show them all because you don't have all day to read this one post!
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR THE TWEETS AND THE TRAILER!