So far, nothing much has been too shocking about the divorce of Bruce and Kris Jenner. We knew they were separated, we knew they still get along, so it was just another day in entertainment news when they filed identical divorce docs earlier this week.
Which should come as no surprise if you tune into Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Even after their separation in June of last year, Kris and Bruce still remained friendly, often attending family dinners together and continuing to co-parent all of their children.
But c’mon, this is a multimillion dollar divorce, someone has to be upset. Or lawyers have to be fighting somewhere behind closed doors. This cannot be so easy.
Can we all please breathe a sigh of relief? After months of rumored diva behavior from his youngest daughters, Bruce Jenner is putting his foot down on who they spend time with. And public enemy number one is rage-addled R&B star Chris Brown.
The breaking point came a few weeks ago, when the Keeping Up With the Kardashians stars attended a pre-VMA party hosted by Brown hours before bullets rang out leaving one attendee, legendary producer Suge Knight, shot six times.
Breaking point indeed! Now, let’s just see if Bruce can get Kris Jenner to back him in this necessary decision.
Things kick off with Kimmie Kakes and Bruce Jennerenjoying a father daughter lunch. Kim is on a mission to drop the post pregnancy pounds so she can squeeze into a skin tight wedding gown. Kim decides to talk Bruce through the logistics of giving her away. Apparently Kim wants a solo walk for the first leg of her aisle walk and for Bruce to collect her after she passes the first fountain. Bruce likens the whole thing to a relay race. I think he was looking for the word circus. Tom-ay-to, Tom-ah-to. Changing gears, Bruce feels like all the embellishments on Kim’s crazy shoes looks similar to his a$$ when his hemorrhoids are acting up… yep when it comes to this family nothing is off limits. I think ‘dangleberries’ may have been used in this sentence but I was too busy vomiting to be entirely sure.
Things begin with Khloe and Kourtney playing grab ass while mocking Kim Kardashian for her Vogue Cover. Really we should be mocking Anna Wintour for her poor lapse of judgment. Maybe she was high too? Kim has a case of sour grapes because her sisters didn’t drop their lives, worship her, kiss her feet, hands and ass and come to the newsstand at 5am to purchase one of the first copies of Kim’s bible cover. Khloe taunts Kim and tells her she already has her copy and reads it while she is on the john. #ToiletMaterial
On last night’s episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, we saw the final installment of the Thailand vacay. Kim Kardashian continues to believe kids are fashion accessories and momentarily contemplates taking a Thai orphan home. Brody Jenner puts his protective big brother panties on and Khloe Kardashian opens up more about the disaster she once called her marriage..
Things kick off with a group boxing session. Khloe may or may not be visualizing the instructor is Lamar’s cheating a$$. She is a machine. Everyone is impressed and applauds her strength. Brody and Kim feel Khloe should quit kicking the instructors a$$ and just tap his a$$ instead. Kim decides it’s her turn in the ring after all she wants people to clap for her too! Apparently she doesn’t like to get her hands dirty, and instead opts to ding the bell. Everybody claps Kim’s big achievement.
Things kick off at Rob’s apartment. Khloe Kardashian is homeless y’all. I find it hard to believe anyone with an estimated net worth of $18 million could be homeless. Not to mention her mother has a home the size of Disneyland and her step father offered her to crash at his Malibu mansion just last episode. Nice try Khloe, but you my dear are not homeless and I don’t expect to see you at the soup kitchen anytime soon. Khloe and Rob’s relationship is borderline incestuous. Actually it’s not even borderline, it just is. Rob gifts Khloe with sex toys as a welcome present and Khloe announces she will wear lingerie for him. Khloe admits their relationship is like a married couple. I can’t believe I’m going to say this – I’m actually looking forward to Kim taking selfies.