As if the amount of peanut brittle I've eaten today isn't gag-worthy enough, Kris Jenner swoops in to ruin my sugar high with her talk of Kimye's wedding, how in love Yeezus is with daughter Kim Kardashian, and how great things are with Bruce post-separation. It makes me kind of want to poke myself in the eye.
It will come as no surprise that Kim isn't going to tone it down for wedding number three to Kanye West. Shocker! After her million dollar event for a marriage that lasted less than three months, that sounds reasonable enough.
Nothing like reality TV to break up a few relationships! This year several reality stars called it quits on their longtime relationships, sometimes shocking the viewing public. And some PR stunts just didn't pan out. Unfortunately many of those meltdowns included plenty of scandal!
Is Lamar Odom finally taking responsibility for his bad behavior in an attempt to get his life back on track? Will Khloe Kardashian Odom still be around if and when he does…or will she be too busy inspiring the young lads of One Direction 2.0? It's a lot to take in, I know!
Starting with Lamar, he's changed his plea from "not guilty" to "no contest" in his recent DUI offense. Radar Online is reporting that Lamar will have his license suspended automatically for a year for refusing further chemical testing after his arrest. A source tells the site, “Odom pled no contest to first offense DUI, and the refusal to take further testing after he was arrested was dismissed."
A spokesperson for the California Highway Patrol shares, “He did what no one should ever do, he refused the chemical tests. That means that his license is revoked and Lamar could get the most powerful attorney in the world and he is still not going to have a license for a year.”
Bruce is reportedly being seduced with a multi-million dollar tell-all deal which will blow the lid off the Keeping Up With The Kardashians empire and expose all the dastardly deeds of pimpmama KJ. But before all that he's signed onto play a Kris-esque character in The Hungover Games! The movie is a spoof of blockbuster hits The Hunger Games and The Hangover and Bruce will play the part of a futuristic sports announcer alongside Hank Baskett.
I would be concerned about Bruce's acting ability but he's been acting like he loves Kris for years, so… Anyway, you can catch a trailer of the of the film below. In it Bruce wears a wig that mocks his wife's idiosyncratic hairstyle and some atrocious lipstick that is probably Kroma Beauty!
Just when I thought pimp momager Kris Jenner couldn't get any worse, she posts the above picture of herself on Instagram (captioned "Date Night"–gag) sporting tween duck face and dining with Francine from the PBS cartoon Arthur. On the heels of the tabloids covers touting a not-so-secret romance between the icky reality star and former BachelorBen Flannel, er, I mean Flajnik.
And what does poor estranged husband Bruce Jenner think of all this messiness? For his sake, I hope he realizes that life is far better out of Kris' klutches. I wonder if he ever gets the itch to spill what he knows about loyal and doting wife. We all know if the tables were turned, she'd do it in a heartbeat!
The Christmas card was shot by famed photographer David LaChapelle. The photo is interesting and would've been unique in a magazine, but it doesn't seem to have anything to do with the holidays at all? Dollar signs, tabloids strewn about, Bruce trapped in a tube. It's so Christmassy and holiday-like, right? I'm sure Kanye would tell me I'm clearly not fancy enough to get the deep meaning of it all.
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