It's a bit surreal to be writing this post about a Southern Charm romance as I wait on one of my dearest friends to arrive at my house. She's in town for the wedding Cameran Eubanks. She's America's newest sweetheart (Cameran, not my friend, although my friend is a close second), and I am totally on board. Love. Anyhoo, I digress. I am supposed to be talking about the romantic notions of one of Cameran's co-stars…
Well, who saw this coming? It seems that Whitney Sudler-Smith is in the midst of an international love affair…that, or his year-long relationship with German celebrity Larissa Marolt has finally gone from under the radar to the cover of tabloids all over the globe. You know Patricia is so proud. I am. His lady is a dish!
So I'm writing this (obviously) before the big Southern Charm announcement on Watch What Happens Live, but I'm going to predict that Thomas Ravenel is now a dad. I heard this weekend from a friend of a friend of a friend of Kathryn Dennis that the pair welcomed a baby last week. Kevin Bacon has nothing on the degrees of separation in a Southern town! I'm going to keep this prediction in my recap just to see…
Last night's episode begins with Craig Conover and Cameran Eubanks getting up early (separately) the morning after the Carolina Day party. After all, unlike their counterparts, they have jobs. Craig knows he needs to buckle down and focus on becoming a successful attorney. After coming home at a decent hour from the soiree, Cameran is ready for the day. She is walking South of Broad with her broker Eve and sharing the gossip from the fete. Eve gushes "T-Rav, oh my Lord!" and admits she spent some time with "that rascal" about fifteen years ago. This confirms Cameran's assumption that T-Rav gets older and older, but he always goes after the young ladies. The women tour his next-door neighbor's home for a potential sale. Is it just me, or is it weird that Cameran didn't know where T-Rav lived? The ladies head next door to call on T-Rav, but he's not home…however, there is a half finished lead crystal old fashioned of scotch on his window sill. Sounds about right.
Happy Carolina Day, y'all! I hope you all celebrate appropriately come June 28th! On last night's Southern Charm, J.D.'s party was the culmination of Kathryn Dennis making her way through all the guys on this show save for the one guy who truly liked her from the start. Poor Craig Conover. He never had a chance! Too young and too poor…not to mention the fact he's from Delaware. A tragic combination all around!
As the episode begins, Kathryn has made good on her promise from last week of cooking breakfast for Thomas Ravenel, and the pair discuss what dress she should get to accentuate her "beautiful physique" for J.D.'s fete. She wonders if the new couple should be worried about the opposition they will face at the upcoming party. T-Rav loves the potential in his new lass. She's smart and funny and really, really young.
Forget about a segue for last night's Southern Charm…let's just get started with the pregnancy drama, shall we? We pick up where we left off last week as a wasted Thomas Ravenel walks a sloppy Kathryn Dennis down Broad Street for more boozing. They flirt like middle schoolers as to whether they should purchase a pregnancy test. T-Rav questions whether Shep Rose could be the father, but Kathryn slurs that he was just a fling and goes in for the make-out. Thomas grabs ass before they head to the Rite-Aid for an EPT. I'm sure that the cab driver thinks he's being punked by Taxicab Confessions.
Back at his house, Thomas and Kathryn are plagued with test errors, which are actually more user error. A pouty Kathryn can't believe that T-Rav would be so irresponsible as to put her in a position to be pregnant (really girl?), but she gets more upset when he assures her that they may be in the clear. So, does she not want to be preggers or is this her dream? Thomas promises his entire family fortune to this potential unborn child.
Last night's Southern Charm began as the cast preps for their day, and I wonder how Bravo is able to get away with so much Jenna King side boob.
Cameran Eubanks is nervous about embarking on her new career as a realtor. She's wonders where her income will come from now that she's left her stable job as a make-up artist at a local department store. Cameran is meeting with a high end broker who is concerned about how fragile and soft the reality star appears. Luckily, Cameran's mother is an etiquette coach who has taught her daughter how to charm the pants off of anyone. She is complimenting the broker left and right and ends up scoring a 3 month trial run with the firm. I'd snark on the fact she's harboring an extremely wealthy fiance who won't appear on the show, but she's really so damn adorable and genuine. Cameran is by far the breakout star of this train wreck…well, she and Whitney Sudler-Smith's mom.
Holy crap! Charleston is totally going to RavenHell in a hand basket courtesy of Bravo. So, since last week, pretty much all anyone in this town is talking about is how horrible (and somewhat addictive) Southern Charm is. Well, played Andy Cohen. You are a true evil genius. My Facebook newsfeed was filled with friends who were posting pictures of themselves with these yahoos, and I couldn't tell if they are star struck or legitimate friends with the cast of this show. Is one of those scenarios better than the other?
Thomas Ravenel calls his father to talk about a chance meeting with Governor Nikki Haley at a Yankee fundraiser and implore him to start procreating to ensure the family's future. T-Rav reminds us that his dirty political consultant Will Folks wants him to pick the pedigreed Kathryn Dennis for a bride and child bearer (spoiler alert…she is about to have his child in "real time"), but at thirty years his junior (if you go by his birth certificate and not his Bravo bio), T-Rav is concerned that she may be too immature for him. Well, she did graduate from high school in 2009, but some snooping reveals that their burgeoning relationship is totally Facebook official. The pair even thanks "Sic Willie" for his matchmaking skills on T-Rav's page. Gag. That's a relief. T-Rav is traveling to Edisto to give a polo lesson to Shep's ex-girlfriend Danni, and he's great at skeeving me out by molesting her with his eyes and talking about how comfortable she looks in the saddle.
I've never had more of a conflicting feeling when recapping a new show. On one hand, I couldn't wait for the train wreck that is Bravo's Southern Charm. On the other hand, it's a train wreck that's filmed in my backyard of Charleston, South Carolina. Okay, so maybe it's not technically my backyard because I am certainly not living South of Broad (anymore…I did rent a carriage house for two years in law school that was in the exclusive area blocks from the Battery, but it didn't have central air or any form of heat which made it less hoity-toity!), but this is a small town. Everywhere I went yesterday I heard people talking about the show with equal parts disgust and intrigue…which is exactly how I approached it! I do have to applaud Bravo for finally making dudes look like total d-bags instead of focusing on women who eat, sleep, and breathe drama.
And so it begins. In the opening montage, I see my office and my church. It's surreal, but I have a feeling it's something I'm going to have to get used to as the season progresses. I apologize in advance for being all "fan girl" over the city…not the participants in this debacle! Thomas Ravenel, the state's former treasurer, is just ridiculous. I'm going to have the hardest time not being horribly snarky when it comes to T-Rav. I once saw him making out at an oyster bar, and it was sloppy. Then he went to jail. As he's being introduced, co-star Whitney Sudler-Smith (who is also listed as an executive producer on the show…really, Andy Cohen?) does a spot-on interpretation of the name-dropping Southerner. T-Rav opens by reinventing himself on a radio show. Good times.
Ready for more Rich People by Bravo? Southern Charm follows six singles – Craig Conover, Cameran Eubanks, Thomas Ravenel, Jenna King, Shepard "Shep" Rose, and Whitney Sudler-Smith – as they live their posh lives in Charleston, South Carolina. Bravo describes:
The cast, some descendants of Vice Presidents and four-term Senators, and others from new money, is comprised of Southern bachelors who suffer from "Peter Pan Syndrome" by refusing to settle down and the women in their lives who challenge them to grow up. Viewers will see them launch political careers, build businesses, break hearts, and chase true love – all while struggling to preserve their family names. Because in Charleston, you're only as good as your last garden party and one social screw-up can taint generations to come.