Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills continued arguing, battling, passive-aggressively sniping, and being fake to each other. They all need some hobbies.
Things begin back in the Moroccan restaurant of horrors. If you can imagine things got even more atrocious. As if Mauricio Umansky whining and shrieking at Brandi Glanville wasn't bad enough, then Taylor Armstrong started with the drunk histrionics.
I think Camille Grammer said it best: "Taylor, nobody cares. We've already heard your story." This time Taylor's drunken syrupy gaze blurriedly turned towards Yolanda Foster who is apparently a bad, bad, bad person because she's married to a rich man and doesn't act like an ass every single minute. Maybe Taylor should do master cleanse. It can't hurt and it's probably better than the wine cleanse she's been doing for the past couple years.
Taylor makes some threats about how she knows what really goes on with David Foster as one her "best friends for twenty years" was married to him. She's referring to Linda Thompson. And if you recall when Taylor arrived at Yolanda and David's home the man married to one of her best friends for a zillion years had no idea who she was. It wasn't all wine and roses then either, was it Taylor. Well it was all wine…
Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is brought you by Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors." And it also confirmed two things I've long suspected: 1) Househusbands are like fleas when it comes to the series; unwelcome guests that just annoy the hell out of us and should stay home (I'm looking at you, Mauricio "Maurice" Umansky) and 2) One should never, ever, ever attend a party thrown by SplitsRichards. Lets just all stick to parties at Yolanda Foster's from now on. I mean, Babs might attend!
Things begin with Scheana Marie Famewhore putting on her best "I feel so sad and ashamed" face that she's been practicing in the mirror for weeks in anticipation of her big ol' TV debut. Unfortunately Scheana feels about as bad about squashing Brandi Glanville's marriage as she did squashing the spider she found in her bathroom last week.
Brandi, on the other hand, is still totally not over Douche King Eddie Cibrian and she narrows her eyes looks right at Scheana and hisses that he's probably cheating on ol' crazy noodles LeAnn Rimes right now. Scheana's eyes get wide, she starts to look nervous, and then Brandi – all 35 feet of her – stands up, looks down at her and breezes out. Scheana does a quick vital signs assessment, realizes she's in one piece, and then runs out as fast as her shaky legs can carry her.
Brandi breezes into the Office de Vanderpump for a counseling session and a glass of much needed rosé. I need rosé on tap too. Lisa Vanderpump – hook a girl up!
Let's discuss the crafty editors on last night's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. So there they were with a whole huge storyline about how skanky Scheana Marie Famewhore pretended she had never heard of nor seen Eddie Cibrian before and participated in a two-year-long affair with him not knowing he was married to Brandi Glanville. I mean Eddie was unemployed, but karma is a bitch because he eventually left both Scheana and Brandi for LeAnn Rimes. And I would say Eddie lost on that gamble!
Other things happened last night. Bravo introduced us toTaylor Armstrong's boyfriend John Bluher. Way back in the day Taylor was telling us John was her pro-bono attorney on the $1.5M lawsuit she was battling against MMRGlobal. They were also "just friends." Friends with benefits, also known as an affiar. And then he just popped up on the screen attending a couple's night with Taylor, Kyle Richards, and Lisa Vanderpump. Wasn't that a coincidence. Sometimes – just sometimes – the Bravo editors don't do us injustice. Hey, it's once in a blue moon!
Things begin withFaye Resnick trying her darndest to become relevant. Yeah, we still don't like you – go away. Faye's face is like melted, globbed together wax. It's clear that with the friendship she shares with Adrienne Maloof, they also share a plastic surgeon. Karma is a bitch like that, I s'pose!
After three long years (seasons? Is that how we're counting years in reality TV time?) Camille Grammer is finally divorced! The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star who lived out learning of Kelsey Grammer's cheating and then her never-ending legal and custody battles on TV, has finalized a settlement agreement with her ex.
Kelsey and Camille ended their marriage way back in 2011, but ongoing acrimony about property, monetary assets, and custody of their two children weren't worked out because both sides refusing to agree. Apparently after a year of arguing they both signed papers to divvy up their assets totaling over $60M and including three homes.
Camille Grammer is dishing on ex-husband Kelsey's recent parenting snafus as well as her holiday plans. Also, there is some fun gossip about Yolanda Foster's predecessor in David's life who apparently really, really, really wants to be on the show. It's some fun stuff, y'all!
I'm just going to come out and say it – I am OVER Kyle Richards. Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills she once again showed herself to be a sniveling, conniving, drama queen. Furthermore, it must be hard to be Faye Resnick. Always in the shadows, always a hanger-on, just waiting, waiting, waiting for fame to finally deem you worthy.
Last night Brandi Glanville realized she made a grave mistake, an egregious error as she attempted to take on a furious Adrienne Maloof. Brandi didn't realize what she was getting herself into. It reminded her of that time she entered the Jell-O wrestling competition in Vegas. After a few cocktails it seemed fun but all she got in the end was showing nipples and the attentions of a F-list actor named Eddie hoping to raise himself through the ranks from nobody to lesser nobody.
Anyway, Brandi is still at Mauricio's real estate convention thing and she's just gotten double-teamed by WWF Supervillians Hoof & Nasty. Maybe she deserved it. Adrienne storms out, pointing to the fans in her glittering purple caftan, vowing to return and warns Brandi that she'll out her as a druggie whore if she doesn't watch it.
If Camille Grammer wasn't absent from the opening credits of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I'd never believe she's been demoted to "friend" of the housewives. She's more present now than she's been in past seasons. I'm not complaining…I think Camille is hilarious.
Her divorce from Kelsey Grammer has long been finalized, but their issues with each other are still as rampant as ever. The more I hear about Kelsey and his irresponsible and arrogant ways, the happier I am I never watched Frazier. To borrow a term from Andy Cohen, he seems to be quite the jackhole. Now Kelsey has taken their parenting war to an entirely different level by not allowing his children to mention Camille when they are with him. Explain to me how that isn't hard on those poor kids!?!