Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the ladies got wild and out in Ojai. I have to say last night was one of the most fun episodes ever and it makes you think if they all got their panties out of a wad, relaxed, and spoke to each other like normal people instead of obsessing over petty drama they'd all get along and be fun. But alas, that would be too easy and far too mature.
Things begin with the girls still in Ojai where Brandi Glanville has just dropped the eff-bomb at Buckingham Palace in front of Queen Elizabeth and her corgis. Oh, wait – no she didn't. She just said it to Adrienne Maloof, but the way these ninnies were acting you'd think this was the most official, classy, elegant prestigious dinner in all the world. I don't know why they were all getting up on their high horses acting like they've never said F-U before when we all know they use it. Right, Splits Richards?
Anyway, Brandi and Kim Richards were doing a big Ojai love-in and pouring their hearts out when Adrienne gets on the intercom with her whiny, donkey voice to announce that someone is crying in Aisle 5 and clean-up is required. Repeat, someone – ahem KIM – is crying!
So Brandi was forced to tell Adrienne to eff off and everyones' heads snapped around like Adrienne just announced that someone was peeing on a Chanel bag. Their mouths dropped, and they glared at Brandi as if she was pee culprit desecrating the holy statue.
You may not agree, but I think Brandi Glanville is the spice so needed for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She's brash, she's offensive, she's everything her counterparts want to be but pretend that they're not. You add in the fact that Brandi's ex-husband Eddie Cibrian couldn't keep it in his pants, and she proceeds to run into his former mistresses throughout 90210, and you've got a great reality recipe for drama.
I know y'all recall the SUR party last season (you know, the one Cedric Martinez tried to crash, not to be confused with this season's Villa Blanca party when Adrienne Maloof sent that passive aggressive jungle arrangement to Lisa Vanderpump) when Brandi ran smack dab into SUR waitress Scheana Marie who had once gotten to know Eddie really well…if you catch my drift.
Fast forward to Scheana starring in Bravo's new Vanderfabulous spin-off Vanderpump Rules, and she's all over the media yet again for that unfortunate run in with Brandi. Of course, Brandi handled the situation with as much class as Brandi can…she did a better job than I would have expected. From previews, we know that the women will come face-to-face yet again (thanks producers!) to finally say their peace, and now media outlets are revisiting that original awkward meeting as Bravo hypes its newest reality show.
First of all let me apologize for this beast being so late, but good things come to those who wait, right? Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, boy did we witness some groveling. It was down in the dirt, on your knees, begging kind of groveling as Queen Lisa Vanderpump barely acknowledged her subject's pleas for redemption.
I should say last night's episode was a study in relationship building and friendship, but also in status. New alliances were drawn, and enemy lines began to be sorted out. Also, the ladies took a trip to Ojai where apparently magic happens. But no amount of magic can make these girls behave in public.
Things begin with two ladies afflicted by a curse of over botoxing and an unfortunate affinity for ugly blouses facing off in a quaint little restaurant. One lady, a benevolent but stern queen, and the other a marginally disgraced princess who is quivering and anxious with anticipation. Yes, Adrienne Maloof has realized she made enemies with the wrong lady, because while Lisa can be sweet as rosé, she will cut a bitch faster than she'll discard a wilting rose.
It's good to be Brandi Glanville this week! Not only did the preorder for her new book go live this past week, but she just landed another job!
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star shared over the weekend that she's heading to another Beverly Hills-based TV show: "90210"! Brandi and her RHOBH cohort Camille Grammer will be appearing on the series (which is a reboot of the original 'Beverly Hills, 90210') in the near future. She took to Twitter to share her excitement, naturally.
I just don't know what to say/think about Taylor Armstrong anymore. The woman known for her lips, among other outrageous things, is speaking out in her Bravo blog about attending Portia's birthday party – and on the situation with Brandi Glanville.
Let's break this down, shall we:
First of all the Real Housewives of Beverly HIlls star blames last season's reunion for the animosity – and she doesn't understand why Brandi is afraid of lil ol' her. I don't understand why Taylor is still on this show, but that's just me!
"There were many strong personalities present that day and certainly bad vibes between some of us. My relationship with Brandi became strained during the reunion last year and it has created tension that is in need of resolution. I find it unbelievable that she behaves as if she is anxious about seeing me."
Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the ladies bored us to death and then got crotchety and bitchy at Portia's fourth birthday party. I don't know about you, but I always aim to get my drunk on and cause some trouble near the ring-around-the-faux-unicorn corral. Don't step in the shit, girls!
Before all that there were Househusbands in heels, some really bizarre timing, and a peace offering tree trunk that landed like deadweight and the fall was heard round the BH. Oh, and stage moms from hell! Weeee!
Watching this show makes me think that the zombie apocalypse will come from fillers and Botox eating the brains of the living and causing us to look like melted wax-faced drones incapable of moving our faces and conveying emotions. Brainless and melty faced, the streets of Beverly Hills will be filled with ladies hobbling around similarly to the way Paul Nassif and Mauricio Umansky did in their heels.
So things begin with Kyle Richards and Adrienne Maloof spending my yearly paycheck on clothes for Portia. Is $300 the standard budget for a birthday present there or is this just price inflation at work because four-year-olds spill a lot and do not need zillion dollar wardrobes (or birthday parties).
Of course the real reason for this shopping trip had absolutely nothing to do with poor scapegoated Portia; the real reason was so Adrienne could talk about her nemesis, Lisa Vanderpump. Apparently Adrienne is ready to put the past behind her but Lisa is unwilling to forgive, that makes Lisa "childish."
Finally, a new housewife that I'm super excited to see! I have always held a special place in my heart for the ladies of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. It's not because I like their personalities more than the women of the other franchises. I think I'm just enthralled with their amazing lifestyles. They are head and shoulders above the other housewives when it comes to vacation homes, couture, and bling. I'm addicted!
What's even more exciting about the RHOBH cast is that the newbies are stirring up more drama than their veteran counterparts. You have to love when a new addition comes into the situation with guns blazing. It's awesome. Having already decided that Yolanda Foster was going to be my dark horse favorite, I am disappointed in myself for not giving more credit to Marisa Zanuck. As viewers, we haven't been introduced to this firecracker yet, but she's already schooled in working the media. How can you not respect that?